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Can't escape depression

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  • Can't escape depression

    my depression is getting worse and I feel so bad about this. In fact I have passed through a lot of other diseases which affected my general situation and I feel like there is something worse to come. Because of all my issues linked with panic disorder and severe bone condition I started to feel useless, I started to stay away from my family and my friends. My mother has a really rare disease, and I know that sooner or later she will die. I can’t talk with her about my condition knowing that she feels worse than me. My dad is always by her side, he supports me all the time and he is trying to do my best for both of us but I understand how hard is this, to have a wife that is currently dying and daughter that has some massive troubles. I have tries a lot of medicines, a lot of different drugs related to my bone condition which helped me a little bit but the depression is getting worse, I have tried quite all the drugs related to depression but it turned to create weird side effects on me which are hard to manipulate. My situation today can be described as an extremely limited social life, during the week I can go outside just to buy something from store, like bread or milk, something extremely necessary… I can’t speak with my friend anymore, I feel like I’m losing theme because I forgot when was the last time I have called anyone not rather going out with someone. I understand that it’s impossible to handle something like this. I have amazing friends that supported me but they can’t do this for all my entire life. There has been a year since the last time I have talked with my friends and since the last time I have been out for a dinner with my friends. I see my father twice a week and during this time I’m trying to avoid speaking with him about my recent condition. When he comes, he is telling me about my mom, and how the things are going which makes me feel more depressed. I understand him, he wants to talk with me, because I’m the only one who can understand what he feels but I can’t do this anymore and I feel so ashamed about the fact that I can’t speak openly with him. One week ago I have had an extremely severe depression, during that day I felt that I wanted to die, and I wanted to committee suicide. The only thing that stopped me was my father… I suddenly realized that my father is going to die alone and I started to feel ashamed because of my thoughts. My doctor can’t help me with dosage augmentation, the recent drug is the only drug that I can use, which doesn’t provoke severe allergy and strange side effects. I really hope that soon he will switch me to another drug that will help me… because the dosage if this one is not enough for me… Please help me with some advices in case of those days when I’ll start to think again about committing suicide… I really need to find something that will keep me alive, which will motivate myself to go on… to fight and to hope that everything is going to change...

  • #2

    "I feel your pain, and I’m really really sorry about your situation. I remember my days when I have had the same thing, when I realized that I don’t have glue that will keep me bonded to life. My depression started when my parents died. Some months after they died in the accident I have lost my husband being pregnant with my first child. My condition was really bad; I couldn’t breathe without mentioning the sleeping disability and extremely poor alimentation. If I’m going o tell you that I wanted to die this will be really a bad description, I wanted to die so bad, that I really didn’t cared about my baby, about my relatives that lasted and about anything is this world. I was just a 23 years old girl, with a lot of dreams, with amazing parents that loved me and were so excited to see their grandson and an amazing husband that was near, that loved me and was expecting to become a father… These days were a pure happiness to me.. I was happy and I dreamed about my future, I imagined it and started too worked to accomplish it.


    • #3

      It sounds like you really need to switch to another therapist. I think that it’s impossible to say that all the drugs out there aren’t okay for you; I just think that you have to search for some other additional doctors that are able to tell you their opinion about your situation. You don’t have to stay alone in this condition, this is really bad… I understand that you wouldn’t take this in consideration but the thing is that actually I agree about the fact that you have to push yourself to changes, even if this is hard, even if you feel bad, even if you are going outside and whole the world seems to be really happy and you not, you have to go through this. Try to build your social life again, pushes yourself to contact your friends and push yourself to talk about your situation with your friends. All the actions that you’re going to take matters for you and trust me that soon you’re going to see good results. Start your changes by contacting another doctor, by talking with new people, by asking help, and trust me you’ll receive the help that you need.


      • #4

        I tried to visit my mother so many times, I tried to speak with my father, but in this second something happens inside me and I can’t move, I can’t say a word, and I start thinking about how easy it will be to die. I don’t want all these troubles anymore, and in that moment you start to feel like the only thing that will help you to escape this pain, to escape from all these problems that aren’t going to be solved is to pass away.. I’m trying to think at least a little bit more positive but it can’t.. I don’t have anything that is motivating me to go ahead and to dream about a beautiful life… because my mom- that is everything for me is dying… and I have such an intense pain that I can’t even think that this life can be so extremely beautiful and amazing...


        • #5

          Judging by all the things that you described, your father has to be your only motivation… I think that you love your father the same way as you love your mother.. just think about how your father is going to feel himself if you’re going to die too… what can your father do? If you feel like you want to committee suicide I think you have to tell your father about this, because he have to take care of you and I think that he will do anything in order to be by your side. Of course your father is passing more time with your mother, and I’m sure that he known that you feel bad, but as I understand he even can’t imagine how bad you feel, he even can imagine that you need his help… This isn’t fair, he have to know… you have to speak up to be heard and if you what to receive help you have to tell all the things that you wrote here, to your doctor, to your father to your friends and all the relatives that lasted. If you feel like you can’t talk about this just print this conversation and show it to your father, to your doctor and all those that have to know about this. I repeat if you want to receive help you have to ask for help. Do it the way you can do it better, there is always an alternative.


          • #6

            I understand all the things that you said here. Thank you very much for support and for all your stories, I can feel your pain. I think that I’m going to talk with my father about my condition, and the idea about printing the conversation is definitely something that is going to help me a lot… Thank you all about this and I hope that soon I’m going to write here my story as being the past of my life and not a present.


            • #7

              you're welcome and I really hope that this is going to be helpful for you. In the end, I just hope that you're gonna deal with depression and would finally… escape it.


              • #8

                Hey there OP, I am not a doctor so for whichever is my post going to be worth it… with the best will in the world, I think that the only option you currently have it is to search for medical advice only if you are allergic to the most of the antidepressants. From as much as I can see, you are not really happy with your current doctor’s opinion.. if that’s so then, could you ask to see another one in your practice and get a second opinion on your issue? It does seems along with your depressive problems there are life and health issues as well in which does not help your issues but in fact, they only compound matters even more and more. Well… just keep in mind that I am wishing you all the best of luck and I hope that you are going to get it solved as soon as possible. And in addition to that, sorry but I am going to be blunt and I will say that what your father has done was, in my opinion, a very nasty thing to do… that’s a twisted thing to do, but then again, only my opinion… sorry and hope you are going to be alright!


                • #9

                  hey there, I have to say that around one year or so ago, my doctor has prescribe be an antidepressant (a SSRI medication to be more exact) for my slight depression that I have been suffering from. In like around a month or so after being on that medication which was supposed, of course, to help me get my depression lower, that worked the other way around and it turned into a substantial depression. I have learned that this can happen when you are in depression and doctors are giving you on such stuff. Needless to say that I have discontinued on using that thing as soon as possible.


                  Then again, a little bit more than half a year ago, somewhere in November 2016 or so, my doctor has prescribed me an SNRI and I got the script for that thing for my nerve pain I was dealing with. I did have asked her straightforward whether is that a SSRI or not because I told her that I am not going to take it in case it is and that’s for sure because I remembered how it all has ended with me taking a SSRI the last time. she has said that it is not a SSRI. Well, started to take the SNRI drug but I have got really badly depressed, exactly as the last time I did and so I realized that either a SNRI or SSRI would give me both a bad depression since they are, although not the same, similar (even their names are similar). if someone is interested I have been given the Cymbalta this time. I have realized that SNRI and SSRI are very close to each one in the way they work only by their names, but I have fully realized that when I saw how they have both worked for me and especially when later I have searched up for that drug and I have done a bit of researching understanding that the SSRI drug and the SNRI drug are very similar to each one, exactly as the SNRI is and the antidepressants as well.


                  It is obvious I can’t know for sure, however what I am trying to say with all of this is that perhaps your problem it is the SSRIs specifically, pretty much as my problem is. You could be reacting to them the way I do. If I would be you then I would surely check it out. What I am trying to say is that very soon after I have finally got off from that SNRI, I have started to feel just fine back again. I mean… I did have had some brain zaps and things like that, however the thing is that I have been absolutely less depressed than I did while being on that thing which was supposed to help me be less depressive.


                  But then again, this is only my story and my opinion based on my experience. I do perfectly know and realize (although I don’t know anyone personally) that there are a lot of people who are able to use them with no side effects at all. But in the same time, I am quite sure that there must be people like me, who just cannot take these SNRIs or/ and SSRIs because of the side effects which might be making people much more depressed (although, then again, I also don’t know of anyone personally). Whichever the case, as I already said, if I would be you then I would consider this problem and I would consult my doctor about it. good luck to you and hope you’re gonna be alright!


                  • #10

                    Thanks very much for your really valuable information for me. I have to say that I am currently on Wellbutrin xl 300 mg once a day. It could be true that I am not reacting well to the SSRIs or SNRIs or god knows what else because I did have tried to be on other stuff out there than this Wellbutrin I take, however I am getting some sh*t weird side effects from using those and that is why, I am now pretty much stuck with this Wellbutrin thing. And btw… I have been on this thing for so many year now that I can’t even remember exactly for how long I have bene on it, all I know is that I have been on this for a very long time now. but I would obviously want to get more help from maybe something else that might help me more/ better. Is here any one who has any advice for me? thank you!


                    • #11

                      Hello there fan of adele sorry but I am not going to re post again all of my experiences that I have with all of the psyachaitrists that I have ever visited, with all of the antidepressants that I have used in all my life, with the time frames and so on and so forth, however I just can say something in regards to the Wellbutrin medication which you have mentioned earlier. So, I generally wanted to say more in regards to this last post that you have written up there:


                      Thanks very much for your really valuable information for me. I have to say that I am currently on Wellbutrin xl 300 mg once a day. It could be true that I am not reacting well to the SSRIs or SNRIs or god knows what else because I did have tried to be on other stuff out there than this Wellbutrin I take, however I am getting some sh*t weird side effects from using those and that is why, I am now pretty much stuck with this Wellbutrin thing. And btw… I have been on this thing for so many year now that I can’t even remember exactly for how long I have bene on it, all I know is that I have been on this for a very long time now. but I would obviously want to get more help from maybe something else that might help me more/ better. Is here any one who has any advice for me? thank you!


                      So well, I do have, from my very much experience with a lot of antidepressants, experience with specifically this Wellbutrin. I have started to use it for my very mild bipolar II disorder. I just have to tell you that I have been a guinea pig for approximately 8 or 9 months and that really seemed to do the trick well.


                      I just can tell you that this Wellbutrin medication has worked very well for me for a few years and I have been all fine during the time it did, however slowly but steadily, in time, it has stopped from working anymore for me. I just can tell you that it is definitely not an unusual thing for the antidepressants to stop working later in time after you use them for quite a while. Slowly in time I have reached the maximum daily dose of Wellbutrin which is 300 mg per day and I have been fine. but then even this dosage has stopped from working for me and so, my psychiatrists has decided to go further and has increased from the maximum daily dose of 300 mg (Wellbutrin XL) that I have already been on to 450 mg a day, so I was on a surplus of 150 mg a day more than the recommended dose. Obviously, just when my doctor upped the dose everything seemed to be fine and it was fine for a few years, however, later, I have started to feel that it is stopping to work once again. Of course, my doc. couldn’t go higher as I have already been taking too much and so my psychiatrist has tried me on Lamictal and said to experiment with this one for a period of a month and yeah… that one really seemed to put me back on target again.


                      I have to say that I totally do agree with whoever has said earlier that those pills are definitely not one size fits all and I think that they never would be. in case you are having a patient psychiatrist who is truly willing to give you that treatment that you actually deserve then YOU have the patience to be a guinea pig and you are enduring mixing this with that thing… in the end of it, there is going to be something that is going to work for you, there surely will be that something.


                      I also have to say that I really believe that I am about to go back to the psychiatrist I have told you about and to tell her something is already out of whack for me now. I am starting to lose that motivation and the drive which has always played a part of me… in fact, I have started to notice that I am losing pretty much a lot of myself, my thoughts, personality etc. there are pretty much a lot of things that I have really used to enjoy in the past, but now most of it does seem to be falling by the wayside and I absolutely don’t like this happening, so I want this changed, I want my old ‘myself’ back. I am starting to procrastinate here…


                      I have to say here that before I do go to see her, I have already scheduled my annual physical exam. I am currently 55 year sold (man) and I am not sure, of course, but I do think that maybe a little bit of what I am currently experiencing it is a result of the turf. But anyhow, I still have SPECIFICALLY asked my doctor to request whatever it is needed, whatever blood work is being necessary or whatever else in general in order to check out my testosterone as well as anything else that might be the answer as to why I am starting to see this downfall and to, of course, be able to deal with it. in addition to that, and one of the biggest problem is… I have lost my sex drive either… that’s surely not anything like me, this is a very big cause of concern for me since that’s something completely unheard of about me and the way… I am…


                      Whichever the case, I think that anyone with mental illness is going to need to tune ups along the way to help you, and maybe myself too. Anyhow, seemingly I’ve wrote a bit too long post so I am going to do a shorter version of my entire post:


                      Every factor has to be considered when you are trying to evaluate mental problems in order to find a good treatment. Hope this is going to be at least a little bit helpful. Good luck and don’t forget to come back with updates whenever you will have any for us.