hey people. as the title says, has anxiety/ panic attacks ever ruined your life so much that it even made you lose your job? I'm quite sure that there must be someone and I'm saying this out of my personal experience because… in the last 2 years… I don't seem to be able to hold a job. and that's extremely hard to deal with it. I have quit a job that I was making good money at and had been there for like 7 years or so to work for a non for profit, while I have been thinking that at the least of it all, I could be proud of that work that I have been accomplishing. I was let go just 3 weeks later. and when this has started that was the moment when the real problems started to occur for me because this is when my depression has really kicked in and I was barely able to deal with it. because of this I have had to get my xanax dosage upped as well. I have then found out (I mean, I've noticed this) that I am not able to remember things nearly as well as I have used to (am thinking that maybe a part of this plays my age too, however I am only 51 years so…). of course I've started to search for another job and when I did have finally found another one, it have not taken me a long time to realize that if I did not write down verbatim what has been told to me as I have been training - all of it has been gone. yeah, I do know that you might think of it as Alzheimer's - I thought about it too, however I honestly believe that it is not and that's mostly due to the fact that everything that's outside of work I am remembering just fine without having any troubles. and since I have not been catching on quickly enough in a field I would worked in for over 12 years… then the next company that I have worked for let me go as well. and, well… so it goes further. in regards for the medications that I use… as I said, I am using the xanax but along with it I also take depression medications and I am also using vicodin (pain killing med for those who don't know) for my arthritis that I have in my lower back. also I want to mention that I have always been called the *smart* one in my family and during the trivia nights I have always the one who has got the answers. however, not anymore and that's because my recall seem to be really short right now. so guys, can you tell me if any of you has ever had anything similar to this? does the anxiety/ panic attacks you get ever cost you the job you're at? is a specific medication that I take and it makes me like that? or maybe a combination? generally, what experience you have with it? thanks in advance.
anxiety/ panic attack ever cost you the job?
- Thread starter liberty
- Start date
oh yeah, I do know what you are talking about. I have got my anxiety from my menopause and I did have lost my job thanks to it. no lie! I do perfectly understand what you are talking about… unfortunately. thanks to god, for me, when the menopause stopped - the symptoms went away too and now I seem to be fine.
hello liberty. I one have had 2 really really bad bouts of panic disorder in my life and each one of them, each time they occurred - they took like about 3 years to get resolved and I still can remember now (in fact, I can remember NOW) how bad my memory has been back then. I do perfectly understand what you are trying to say as it never was as bad as then. you've mentioned that the age must play a role in it all. well, of course I am not sure what's going on in your situation, however I do know for sure that for me my age has not been an issue at all and that's because the first time when it occurred I have been only in my late 20s so that's impossible. I do know for sure that nothing like the stress/ anxiety as well as panic in order to totally obliterate your memory… that's true and that's due to the fact that the anxiety it is so so hard on your ability to concentrate and therefore to concentrate on what you need to remember. because of this issue, thankfully, I have never lost my job, however I have only worked part time and I was really trying to work just as little as it is possible, as little as I could get away with and that's because I know that you need a lot of rest in order to recover… in my opinion, or at least that's the situation for me. I also can remember how I was afraid to go to work because it just felt so confining and I have been worried about embarrassing myself if I thought that I would need to leave because of getting too much panic. then later it disappeared and I seemed to be fine…
then the second time when it has happened I have been in my 40s and exactly as Symone said, I was also been in my menopause so that was an real problem for me too. either it is BECAUSE of menopause itself or not, I am not sure (though I doubt because in my late 20s, when I got it for the first time, I wasn't in my menopause), I'm just sure that it was a big problem as well and they were kind of like intensifying each other. it is obvious that I have been worried about whether I might lose my job and that is why I have been trying to cut back and to work just as little as I could get away with because I didn't wanted to lose my job and I've done it until the things has gotten some better. the funny thing, tho, both of the times that I have been through that (and yeah, it is really hell from as much as I can remember), but I have not had an issue with it anymore for the last 20 years now or so since I've had my second and last time problem with it in my 40s. what I am trying to say is that yes, it is hard, yes it is annoying and so on and so forth, however there still can be light at the end of the tunnel if you are just going to hang in there and you're gonna get through it. it IS going to get better! in time. again, as I have mentioned earlier, doing some work required me to rest a lot. not sure how it is for you or other people, of course, but at least for me personally, resting a lot has been helping very much! and also, I guess also played an important role is that I have been really determined to not let the *fear win me* and there were quite often times when I have had to push myself in order to go or continue to do some things that I did knew I really wanted to do them. I really hope that this is going to be at least a bit helpful and I wish you all the best. just hang in there and you're going to get through time! best wishes!
oh… no… it did not cost me my job… it cost me much worse - my business… and each time thinking of it is so hard to acknowledge… A convergence of many major life events at one time and I have been trapped in a really deep and dark zone that has taken me a very and very long time to climb out of it and to finally get out. in fact, to be honest, not even now I am not sure how I have gotten out of that deep dark zone, so I am just trying my best to unpack that so I could resource it once again just in case I would ever need to do it. you are having truly a lot on your plate and I know it. I do know how something similar is feeling… and yeah, I am just saying that it is something similar due to the fact that I am not you and that is why I obviously can't live in your skin in your shoes, however I still feel I can identify. again, hope you're going to be alright and I am wishing you the best luck. just hang in there, you're gonna get through it!
oh yeah, Symone, thank you for your response, menopause can play an extremely important role. in fact, I was actually thinking to add menopause in the mix, as well. not sure why I haven't, guess I thought that it is going to be too much. now I see you mentioning this and I see other people saying the same. I was already thinking that it can be a factor, but now, after your responses, I do know that it is a factor. thank you for your reply and thanks each one of you people for replying, I appreciate it a lot!
jessica302
New member
hey… 17 years ago I have started my own business and I do know that for most people the reason of starting their own business is money, however for me it is different, I've started my business because it has been too hard for me to hold a job… so to answer your original question, liberty, I guess I should say: yes, my anxiety/ panic attack did cost me my job. each time when I was trying to work, I would get panic attacks and I would have to leave. so I just couldn't hold a job. but I guess I need to say that I have never LOST a job or getting fired or anything, each time I would just quit myself when I've seen that I just can't. but exactly as it has been mentioned by somebody else out there, I am going through some really bad bouts and this is all depending on what it is exactly going on in my life (not sure but I guess this is the same for everyone). I have been going through a really bad bout for nearly one year now and that's because of an out of network emergency bill that out insurance company is not able to cover in network. it still is not settled even though we have already lost both appeals now. it is not one regular bill, it is one very and very big and so it has caused me some severe panic (one of the worst I've ever got). it is obvious… because of what I am going through I am taking medications and also, as of recent, I have started to go to a therapist one time per week. I can feel the difference and so I can surely tell that the therapist is helping me a lot and I'm really happy. from as much as he has explained and made me understand as well… I am thinking that the panic it is nothing more than some outward anger and fear which is turned inward at ourselves and for some people it manifest in a different way, but for us, it is manifesting in panic. there are some things that we need to realize when we want to deal with anxiety/ panic attacks and that's why medication might help us physically, but the real cure of anxiety and panic attacks is in our brain and we have to search there.
hey, thanks for answering to my post. I really don't know what the basis is here, however I have had my very first panic attack when I have been only in the 5th grade, it was just out of nowhere at all, and since then, I have always been like that. I've just got my first one when I was that young out of nowhere and it all started. I am having 3 children, one grandchild, a lovely husband which I have been married with for almost 30 years now and now that my *nest is empty* I cannot even enjoy it and those who understand what I am talking about must understand that this is very hard…. and plus, since I have been in and out of work for such a long period of time now I, obviously, can't get any money and all my credit cards now are all racked up and therefore… financially we are currently completely screwed up. I guess we've never been in a worse financial situation than how it is now. in fact, there are sometimes when I am just looking back and I am wondering… how the hell I have managed to raise 3 kids and I have managed to live that life that I did, while I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks all that time and been on medications since I have been 22 years old… some people may not be able to understand what I am talking about, however I am now just sitting here and shaking my head and thinking that I would not wish this to afflict even my worst enemy… that’s how hard it is, frustrating and unable to control… I can feel that something has gotten worse than how it used to be because in the past, I have been able to push myself as well, I was able to tell and make myself to just get up and do it… I remember that it was hard, but I could do it. I could kind of *grab myself* and place wherever I needed to be and to do whatever I needed to do. it kind of like I have always had and I still have anxiety but in the past I was able to control it, however now anxiety is controlling me. whatever the case, I can feel that this time something is really different from how it used to be and I really have no idea what I need to do now. but whatever… I'm sure I am going to just keep on searching further for an answer.
hey there liberty… trust me I'm so so sorry that you are now going through all of that… I do know that it is hard and I would really want you to get the help that you really need so much. and I also do know that a lot of advice is not necessarily helpful, however I one did listen to a TED discussion the other day and this has been really inspiring to me. maybe that's what you need as well… maybe you need an inspiration right now. and maybe you need to listen a TED talk as well. it was about depression not panic however to be honest I really loved that concept he was talking about how guys out there always want you to just get going and not to *give in*, however he still was feeling that to allow yourself to give in - lay in a really dark room like you would when you have a migraine, when you do need to allow your mind to take some time and to heal. this is kind of like your mind also needs some time to get some rest and also to get some space in order to heal itself and to just force yourself in order to keep on fighting and continuously battling that anxiety and stress is simply not helping. very often your time doesn't need a fight that it can't take anymore, but it mostly need time for a rest and in my opinion that's what you need to give it. and I honestly think that this must be true… just think of it… the more we're thinking, going through stuff… job, family problems etc. etc. the more our anxiety/ stress take over. the more we're resting the better we feel. at least that's the case with me… anyway, exactly as Simonaria has said it… you just need to hang in there and I really hope that you are going to find some way out to lighter times once again. in fact, I'm pretty sure that you would find those ways.
and yeah, by the way, I've searched now about that talk I've mentioned and the speaker is sami moukaddem… just thought that if you would be interested to find it and listen. good luck!
yeah people I do know what you are talking about and just want to say - yes indeed. many years I have worked as a bus driver - a degree in sociology and philosophy (with politics and psychology as minors) it is not exactly kind of a vocational degree - and I have also been having GAD and the Panic disorder since I have been around the age 17- 18 years old. at least I've firstly started to see some signs that I have them at that age and in time, it was getting only worse. it was progressing in time and getting worse but still never before had interfered with my job. I have no idea why and how is that possible at all, but it was mostly manifesting during the time that I was resting and relaxing compared to the time when I have been engaged in something which was requiring my attention and my concentration which I still find it strange because I do know very well that usually - it is the other way around
I can say that about once or maybe twice I have found myself to have a little bit of some unwanted anxiety effects during the stopovers at termini, however they were nothing really that bad…. there was only one which is really memorable, which was really that bad and it was an awful occasion that I wouldn't want to ever get through it once again… well, I have started to feel that I am getting really anxious as I have been driving away from a terminus towards the City Centre and approximately 10 minutes or so being into my trip, I have suddenly started to feel something like Captain Kirk of the starship enterprise at the Warp Factor Three… I have been all nauseous and I have started to shake extremely bad all over, no need to mention that my heart rate started to get crazy speed and it got up to about 200 (I'm just lucky that the Terminus had been the Edinburgh City Hospital and that's to that, there were quite some nurses onboard who could help). it is obvious that I have had to pull over since I couldn't drive in such a situation and I have been given "first aid". not sure if that's what it is called but I guess so… anyway, one of the nurses has used the cab radio in order to talk with the inspectors and tell them that the bus driver (me) seem to be unable to carry on with his shift and that most likely a replacement would be needed. I remember very well that then I have been taken out into the fresh air (and yeah, back in those days the buses were reeking with cigarette smoke, it was still allowed then, and this surely did not help matters) and I have been laid down on the pavement and I have been taken through a bit of relaxation as well as breathing exercises and been there doing that until a van has arrived soon with a different driver in order to take me back to the depot.
after that situation, I have been given one week off in order to see a doctor and to get myself a diagnosis to know what I'm suffering from (why it happened) and, what's even more importantly, to get a prognosis for my future as being a public service driver since they were thinking that I might not be able to drive anymore or that it might be dangerous. well, the doctor has kept me off for one month and then everything seemed to be just fine. I have went back to work and it was all just fine, I could drive without a problem etc. etc. but all of that until around half a year later or so when the exact same thing has happened again, however this time has been even worse. then I have arranged an appointment with my bosses in order to talk that future and to decide myself that I have been getting so bad, at one point using 8 mg xanax every day, that to continue would be folly… so… needless to mention that this was the end of my bus driving career and I had to search for something else.
however, a couple of years later (after all this situation with the bus driver and after everything what happened), I have been given one job to drive a van around the Isle of Skye with the Environmental Health Department. I have not had any problem in that area at all! however Skye as well as the other Western Isles of Scotland are having a peculiar relationship with the alcohol - one it is considered to be not quite a right in the head in case you are not offering a *dram* to all of the visitors and what's important is that you're kind of insane and even downright rude in case you are trying to refuse any kind of such offers! in those places, you are not considered to have absolutely any problems with drinks until you are opening the fourth bottle of whiskey (a bottle of 75 cL) of the day. anything less than that is perfectly fine. there really does not seem to be a lot to do in such kind of places …. I mean, in the way of talking with other people and socializing and recreation bar drugs and drinks - this is still seen to be as a perfect normal behavior without any problems! and so… being a part of that and being there… my drinking was steadily raising up to the extent that I have been indeed drinking 2 bottles and beer chasers every god darn day! and I've also been nipping over to the mainland on the Mallaig ferry every single Saturday in order to scare some H for the week. during that time, the drink- driving thing there was endemic and nearly every single vehicle that you could find on the roads in the morning would have been driven by someone whose blood alcohol cont has been extremely extremely excessive from the night before.
then, my neighbor who has been a local taxi driver, had noticed me and my behavior and has asked me and recommended me to start attending the local AA meetings because it can't go further like that and that I'm having a real problem there. (which I really had, but I was unable to see it). he was always recommending me to try my best to reduce the intake I had and to go to the AA because they would help me with that. however, instead of that I have ended up in Police Cells on more occasions than it is being considered to be somehow normal and waking up wondering why I have been locked up?? I've even been thinking: what if I had murdered someone and I can't even remember? or what if I have committed some really horrible sexual assault? even though this doesn't sound to be like me but who knows? and thankfully… I wasn't there for any kind of this thing… however I have always been there for being 'too drunk and being too incapable of taking care of myself and/ or other people'. usually I wasn't doing anything bad, but I have been found in the middle of the night and in the middle of completely darkness lying by the side of the road and been found either by passing Police or by someone who has seen me there and called the Police… My doctor, to whom I have went to visit straight from the cells one morning in order to talk about my drinking habit, has prescribed me 'Heminevrin' (this is clomethiazole - is a drug that has killed Keith Moon of the Who) and I have got one really hell of a shocking surprise approximately a dry week later when I've seen the ambulance appearing and taken me to an really good and famous Victorian Psychiatric Hospital in Inverness, which has been approximately 75 or so miles away and there I have been admitted to the Alcohol unit because of my very big problems with alcohol I had. again… needless to say that it was the end of my driving career for the Skye Council.
it has taken me approximately 3 or 4 spells in different hospitals and rehabs before I have finally been able to quit the evil liquid which ruined my life a little bit more than a year (about one year and a half later). I do now have a glass of red wine five nights weekly which is recommended to me by my doctor of all people, after I have suffered and went through my stroke a few years ago, and I have never even thought or considered to stop opioids and opiates. and I have been continously without stopping on benzos since about 1985 or so at what it is considered to be some excessive high levels - my pharmacist has told me that in all of his 30 years + of practice, he has never ever seen anybody else with such a high benzodiazepine intake every single day on prescription, not even near to that… (during that time I have still been getting benzos hypnotics , which my doctors are now completely refusing and are against to prescribe to absolutely anybody at any given time for any given reason at all, and neither they will prescribe any kind of the Z drugs as well…)
I'll now at a lower level of course, however I can guess that the clonazepam 2 mg tds as well as lorazepam 2.5 bd which has gotten reduced over the period of one year and a month from 2.5 mg qds, 5 mg every day from 10 mg every day and each small drop of them, of 0.5 mg every 2 months or something around that… I have found it to be pretty hard to adjust to. and yeah, I am also keeping stocks of Xanax 2 mg for some really serious situations and also flunitrazepam 2 mg, flutoprazepam 2 mg plus the temazepam 10 mg/ 5 mL of the oral solution for my insomnia issues that I have, along with the non benzos as well like for example the doxylamine 25 mg, the diphenhydramine 50 mg as well as chlroral hydrate 70 mg tablets too, again, not using daily but only when it is needed to use. and now I seem to be much more better than in the past, but if I could go back in time I would change a lot.
also, I'm sorry for making this such a long post and I guess rather boring for most of you… I just wanted to share my experience here but I am also in my talkative mood today and here's the result. sorry again for this. I guess I just need to shut up (stop writing) and that's what I am going to do 
but anyway, before doing that I just want to give you one short answer to what seems to me to be the original question and it is - yes! but I have never actually got the shove… in the end the decisions were all mine, really… but they were kind of forced decisions because of different things..
oh wow… I just imagine the amount of the time that it has taken you to write all of that. that's an indeed a very long post, but there's no need to apologize for that and trust me that's not an boring post. in fact it's very interesting to read and thank you very much for that! really… all I can say is a big thank you for such a personal story shared with us. I do understand that by far not everyone would want to do it… sharing their 'dark past'.
to be honest, as I was reading about the different medications and dosages, I really cannot believe that you were still standing upright and I think that you are really strong that you did! also, besides the panic attacks that I have, I am also having the severe arthritis in my lower back (as I have said it a bit earlier in my previous post) and I have been prescribed 10 mg of hydrocodone to take 4 times per day (a total of 40 mg of hydro per day). the last time when I have refilled it, and the count per month has been 120 of the pills… but I had already used all of those 120 pills in just one week, first week after I've got them.. a simple math calculation make it clear that I have been using on an average of 17 pills of 10 mg a day which is 170 mg of hydro per day. as my panic has been rising I have been taking way too much of xanax and supplementing with hydrocodone in order to get stoned - this has been pretty much the only way that I was able to keep the panic as well as the irrational fear that I was going through at bay. well… by this time, I already had gotten and lost 3 jobs now and just figured out that this was how it is going to be continuously if I am not going to change something. so well… I am going to visit my doctor one time every 2 months and he is always giving me 2 prescriptions for my hydrocodone, one for the current month and the second one future dated, for the second month. so well, today I have mailed back the prescription he gave me dated mid Feb (for the next month) and I have told him (asked) not to prescribe those to me anymore and that's because I was liking them way too much and I'm afraid that this is going to end really really bad. I am currently trying hard to cut back on medications…
I'm trying on my own (I mean with no doctor's help) but with the help of Kratom which is a natural thing that I've read a lot about it and seen that it must be really helpful for people like… if you know what this thing exactly is (but it really does seem to me that you do know what everything is and yeah, by the way, if any of you has anything to say about it - please say it). also, since I've never tried it, I can't be sure if I am able to do it all on my own, however I am really going to try to do it. and yeah, from the research I've done I've heard the saying 'taking it one hour at a time' and to be honest, I was never really able to understand what this means, however I do get it now. as soon as my eyes are opened in the morning, the first thing that I feel is that dread in the pit of my stomach which is running all through everything that needed to be done that day and I'm already starting to feel overwhelmed even before my feet touches the ground (when I've just woken up), never taking it just one job at a time. gotta say that I'm already doing it as I am now on day 3… I am doing that right now, and I am literally have one hour at a time and thankfully, for 2 mornings in a row, this horrifying feeling that I get of dread has not been there! again, thankfully! and yeah, I guess it is important to mention that I am still using my xanax as well as the antidepressants and the reason why I am using the kratom is that I want to get off the hydrocodone, I want kratom to help me to get easier go through the hydrocodone withdrawals. (and yeah, I am very and very thankful that US has put a hold on making that a schedule I drug). and yes, besides that, I have already done a lot of research on different things either (not only on kratom). like for example I've read about the vitamins and herbals (and whichever else) that is helping with the anxiety and especially with the anxiety that is induced (or better said, that is intensified) by menopause due to the fact that I honestly think that this is what has made my anxiety to go so so bad for me.
anyway, as horrifying as my story seem to be, I do know that that I am really lucky on the fact that I am still having my family, a roof over my head and everything needed to live. that's really good because I do realize that I had good chances to have a lack of all of this…
and also, deidaru… you really sound like you have went through much more than any one person should ever have to endure and I'm really so sorry about that but even so, yet, I am still quite sure that somebody out there has and that's just not right. once again, thank you very much for your brutal honesty, I guess that this is what I actually needed and what helps. unfortunately, my family is not understanding this, of course, they are going to sympathize, however they are not going to get it, they simply can't understand, and it is not their fault, but understand is what is so important and therefore, that is why this forum is so so important to me - I do know that people here can understand. oh… I am just keeping on saying 'one hour at a time…'
and yeah.. I guess I also need to apologize because of making it nearly as much as your post now just wanted to say thank you but thoughts didn't stop coming… thanks.