Deep depression! Feeling alone and broken

[martyczeck]

…every day is the same! I feel no changes or happiness for last year! I think life is just making fun of me continuously! Last time I was happily surprised or at least simply surprised was at age of 4 when I saw Santa Claus and I still believed in it! I was thinking that this condition is going to change but now I want to give up! I can’t go further like this!

I have no money to go to a psychologist and my mother acts like I don’t exist! When I ask her something she just yells at me that I’ve made enough problems! My dad passed away and I have to friends! At school I’m like a ghost, nobody sees me and nobody cares that I’m there. Whenever someone sees me it’s because I’ve screwed up something and I’m in trouble! I’m an emotional person and I end up every day crying! I feel like I’m in a cage and I’m never going to escape from it! Sometimes I want to scream so so bad because of this loneliness!Nobody likes me and I HATE my LIFE! WHAT should I do? I’m thinking of doing terrible things to me...
P.S. I read your post Kaya and I don't think low level of vitamins is my problem! I don't have Christmas Depression, I have a life depression!

 

[tameeka]

Hello martyczeck, I understand your feelings so I might be able to help you. Believe me there is a way out of all this nightmare you are living in: first you have to understand that life is great! we won't have another so we need to live it and apreciate what we have, because life is the most preciuos gift ever! so make it the best

 

I believe that your mother has a hard period of life and that's why you are thinking that she's upset on you or something like that, but you are her child and she will love you alwayse! However we can not choose our family members but we can choose our friends and people who will surround us, people who will understand, love and respect us the way we are! you have to fight for what is yours, you have to fight for your wonderful life, and you CAN do it, you just need to believe in it! First of all you need to change your thoughts, you need to start thinking a little more positive until you start feeling your self better. Don't let anyone to make you feel like what you are feeling now, not even your family! Avoid discutions with those who are responsable for your negative thinking and  bad mood and try to maintain more relationships with positive people.

 

Here are some things you can do to feel better:
1. Alwayse remember that you have only one life and you HAVE to feel good!
2. Watch motivational movies, pictures; listen to motivational songs
3. Try to make new friends everywhere you go
4. Try to go everywhere! In some new places, try to reach a top of a big building, there you will start FEELING!
5. Alwayse smile

 

Never forget that you are NOT alone! If you what you can contact me, we will talk and I'm sure that your life will be changed! Hope I helped at least with something, Don't worry Be happy

 

[hollowed]

my parents don't allow me to go outside and i live with them even if i don't want to, i can't escape from them and i have nowhere to go if i decide to run away. no ofense tameeka but i don't think your advices will help me or marty, i hope at least him you could help, but definitely not me... unfortunately. i don't know what to do and how to stop all this, i really hate my life and im seriously thinking about suicide. all i get at home is being yelled at. they yell at me everyday for nothing. i can't say a single word not to be interupted by my mother or my dad. i don't have any rights to speak in this house. they are verbally violating and abusing me, that's why i hate them!!!! i hate now everyone! i want to be alone, away from eveybody because i can't stand near someone!!! i don't have any friends - my parents and my teachers yell at and people in my age are laughting at me. i'm a ffffng loser and i don't have any hope with this. why shouldn't i kill my self? who will miss me ? i hope to be in your situation marty, everyone just to ignore me and to ffff leave me alone!! i get annoyed by their presence and by only hearing their voicessss!!! im angry because nothing i can do is good enough so the only thing i have to do is to be strong... but im tired of being strong and i end everyday crying and hating this life more and more. i need a psychologist so bad but im only 15 and i don't have money to go to one... i don't know how long is this going to last and surely i don't know what to next. thank you tameeka for your post but i need something else..

 

[user169]

Hello... I understand you guys, I feel the same as you. I don't know what to do about my life and what can be next, all I know is that I'm probably the biggest retard ever. I simply cannot be happy and I don't know why I have this. I wake up every morning realizing that I'm alone and I go back to bed at night in the same loneliness. I have no hobbies, no interests; no friends or people to whom to talk to, I'm a ghost in my family and my social relationships doesn't exist. I used to have a lot of "friends" but everything changed. Those people who I used to call "friends" have their own path and now they don't even say simple "hi". The group in which I was in, used to smoke and to do a lot of other bad things. I've done it too when I was with them, but for about a year I thought that this life won't have a happy ending. I just really want to have nice and true friends, not as those... I just suddenly lost any interest in my life... in everything around me... suddenly everything became grey. I don't know why that happened and what caused it. That's so sad realizing that no one needs you... I feel so alone right in this moment, I don't know why I came to this forum and why I'm writing just... I guess I just need some attention or something to get busy with

 

[Anniand]

Hey, don't get upset! At least here you're not alone! We all feel in this way from time to time, I think that loneliness is something that everyone experienced at least few times in his life. However I'm happy for you that you didn't choose that life. I mean doing drugs, smoking and others as a result in feeling like that. You've searched for some help without bad consequences which is plausible for you. It means that you are a strong person, you all are here. You all want help and you don't do drugs as others. user169, I assume that your friends are feeling the same way you do when they aren't smoking and others, but now you see where they are? You just need to find new friends, or maybe you have some relatives that you can hang out? Also try to change this by changing your personal life. I know that finding a girlfriend isn't as easy as buying an ice cream, but if you like a girl then go fight for her, make her happy and you'll feel pleasure just when you'll do something nice for her. With time who knows? Maybe something will work out I'm a girl and I was in the same situation. I loved so much a guy and our relationship ended up. I was really depressed for more than a month and I didn't had any friends that could help me by the same reason as you, me and my old friends had different paths. I then made new friendships and I was talking with them every day until I felt better. Now I don't feel any depressed and worthless as I felt and as you described. I admit that if you have someone with whom you can share your thoughts is making a big difference. You'll discover that by yourself. Until that know that you're not alone!

 

[iwishidie]

well... i've been thru a similar crap like you and i know how you feel, i was searching in the internet about this too and i found you're post in which you described your problems very similar to mine. i guess we're going it because it feels somehow better knowing that you're not going alone in this kind of crap... i dropped all my friends i once had and started to sell drugs, after some time i started using it until the cops arrested me but i guess that isn't the worse what could happen.

 

i've been thru a lot of different stuff in my life, and now everyday seem to be worse than yesterday. today is the worst day ever and that continues like that. it's crazy man. i do believe in god and the only reason i'm not dead right now it's because suicide is a sin and i'm really afraid going to hell even though i've done a lot of bad things in my life. idk i just feel like this isn't meant to be so, something is wrong and it's really hard dealing with it. no one understands you and no one gives a fu$$ about yo. i'm still living with my parents and this is the most sad part for me. i know that i'm doing nothing and i don't have any responsibilities most of the time but still every day sucks like no one else. i am truly thankful for a home and for the food i get but i really wish you could stop my parents from living a normal life. i'm just keeping them away from their dreams, that's why i sometimes think of disappearing somwhere and stare to death there.

 

life isn't the same as it was and i know that it wasn't mean to be so!!!! now i'm here, alone in my room writing nonsense crap at 26 years instead of doing something useful. i hope that this is going to end someday, if not then i hope i'm going to find dynamite and press on it. 

 

[inlovewithyou]

I am in the same boat, I understand every single word written here... let me tell you my story: I totally hate my life and I don’t know where exactly I turned wrong. I truly miss to go out for a walk and for a talk with my friends! I miss so much any other social things, things that for other people they seem normal or even boring. Whenever I am thinking about this (but I think about this most of the time) I am totally upset. However the root of my pain I guess is this girl to whom I fell in love and now everything around me, I mean EVERYTHING around me is reminding me of her. I am only 18 years old but I already see that I won’t have anything good in my life. I won’t love again, I can’t do anything that is going to get me some money, and I don’t even have a job or something to do. I am living day by day only thinking how miserable my life is, how great it would be if I’d be with her… for those who never had depression: trust me, knowing at the age of only 18 that you’re not going to achieve anything in your whole life it is one of the worst and horrible feeling ever, I guess… whenever I wake up in the morning I gave me the same question: why did I woke up today? What is the purpose? Because I’m not going to do anything productive today… as always… you may think that is just because I’m lazy or somethin’… but I have tried… I have tried several times but I never had anything else but failure. I don’t even want to live my life if I don’t mean anything the person that I love… what’s the point in this?

 

[BlackSoul]

I am so depressed and I hate my life as well feeling the same way as almost everyone here. It seems that there's no way out of this and that I will suffer forever. Everything I do is never good enough so that's why I kind of isolated myself from people. I don't know if this is good or bad but now I'm feeling better when no one bothers me. I know this should not be in this way and this is so wrong but there's nothing I can do, I feel so empty inside and sad. Does this all make me a bad person? Nothing seems funny to me and I don't remember when I had my last good laugh. I truly hate my life but I don't want to be so. Lately my parents are doing nothing but making me feel worthless and making me live a real hell! Every day I have to be in this place and to suffer, I'm so tired!!! My house is nothing more than a torture for me and that's why I don't want to see none of them and try to avoid as I can. I also feel like nothing is worth doing because whenever I try I have to end up being told that it is not good, not enough or not as it should be. I know that the only way to fix this up is to socialize with other people and to get out with them, maybe going to a movie or a simple walk, but I can't! I mean that I'm so disappointed I don't want to see anyone. Besides having absolutely no friends, as I said I can't stand the sight of my family anymore so I'm totally alone. In a way it is better for me, but I understand that actually it isn't. Please don't blame this on puberty and say we all have a period of time like that, I'm having this severe depression for more than 3 years. And no one seems to care. I'm trully having a deep depression and feeling completely alone and all broken inside. Sometimes I think that death is my only option to end the pain once and forever. Why life is so unfair?

 

[rachie]

I am screwed up… completely… I don’t know what to do and I can’t endure this anymore… I really would wish to run away from all of this… I have been lying to everybody around me, all that only to keep all of them away from being worried about me and to keep them happy… anyway… I’m going to try to fix all of this, but I’m not sure if I would ever going get free… I would try to have a marriage and to have a happy family and to make my future husband happy. But… the question “would this ever happen?” is killing me. always… I will try to make everybody happy around me… but about me… I’m going to be happy as long as everybody would be happy.