Hi all, I am 20 years old male and I’m in a very good health condition. At least I have been. I am a very active person generally, I do like to exercise and I practice sports nearly every day, I’m like 5 times per week in the gym about an hour and a half or so. Usually in the summer I am playing tennis as well as other sports too. however, this does not seem to be enough to be in a perfect condition because I am now having an issue in maintaining my erections and it is dooming me for about an year or so now. I have firstly had sex when I have been 14 years old with a girl that I have been in a pretty long relationship. 4 years. so I have had sex until I have been 18 years old and we broke up. so, it means that I have not had sex for nearly 2 years now – I’ve been only masturbating. In the past, I mean when I have been 14 – 18 years old I have never had a problem with my erection. well, in these 2 years that I have not had sex I have been masturbating very much. it was happening mostly daily. Rarely I wasn’t masturbating a day but sometimes I could do it for 2 or even 3 times per day. having that said and making a quick calculations, in the past 2 years I’ve been masturbating more than 7 times a week or something like that. the problem is that now I have met a really really good looking girlfriend. She is super sexy with an awesome body that I like a lot. well, in the foreplay I am having a 100% erection, however, when I am penetrating her I feel how I am starting to lose my erection and in about a minute or 2 I am nearly completely flaccid. I did realized that this might be caused because I have been watching porn a lot and that I have been masturbating so much that is why, for about 2 weeks now I have dramatically reduced my masturbation and I have quit to watch porn. I have tried to totally stop masturbating but that’s hard that is why I am masturbating now only once in a week or something like that and I haven’t watched porn for these 2 weeks. Now, I really have no idea why is this happening to me and how I can return back to normal. Could it be that my penis is used to my hand or something in this matter? I really don’t know but I need help. I can achieve pretty easily a goo erection, however if I am stopping to touch my penis then it is going flaccid very fast and this ruins everything (as you can understand, I can’t penetrate my girlfriend while touching my penis. By the way, I also need to say that in the last 2 years I have been doing PE which is penis enlargement exercises like for example squeezes, stretching and jelq. Do you think that this might be the problem? and yeah, for the last 2 weeks I have also stopped to do PE either. Generally I’ve stopped to do pretty much everything that I have been doing in the last 2 years. I still continue to exercise but I doubt a lot that this is the issue because often people are being told to start exercising for achieving erections, not vice versa. I’m sorry if this seems to be a gross post but I don’t know what else I need to do. I would be very happy if I would get some quick results especially if it would be from a doc. I wish you all the best people!
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Losing erection right before penetrating...
- Thread starter sportsman
- Start date
hi sports man. Stronger erections are depending on the situation as well as on the sexual excitement that you have attained. The presence of a very attractive sexual partner or increased emotions are essentials for a very strong erection. since you’ve said that for you, the girl is super sexy and you find her super attractive then I doubt that this is a problem. but, sometimes, due to the fact that the man thinks that she’s “too” sexy then he starts feeling awkward and here I can mention the following: the feelings of pressure, awkwardness, stress or performance anxiety are the factors that are having a negative effect on your erections.
In such situations when you are able to achieve strong early morning erection while you are asleep it is going to be a good indicator that you are not having any physical issues with your penis and its erections. plus you've mentioned that you can achieve an erection pretty easily. This is why, most likely, you may be suffering from a psychological stress that it is profoundly affecting your erections and sexual performance. And yeah, that might be so even if you don’t even realize that.
Here you need to realize a very important thing. you are not able to force yourself to have a sexual response, exactly the same as you are not able to force yourself to go to sleep or to sweat and the point is that the harder you are trying to have a certain sexual response then the harder it is becoming to respond. Pretty much the same as falling asleep, the harder you try – the farer you are for falling asleep. all you need to do (in both cases) is to relax and relieve anxiety and stress.
I guess that you need to know this: performance anxiety is a very common sexual issue when men are becoming anxious (it is mostly a subconscious fright that even if you don’t accept it – it is there) each time when it comes to the time to have an sexual activity. This is the result of your thoughts that you may failure during the act. And the more and the often you try – the worse you failure. Well, all of this is resulting in the lack of spontaneity in flow of the sexual feelings and as an ultimate result it goes into sexual dysfunction. From what I’ve noticed from your post – this very problem is what causes you to lose your erection right before penetrating. And that’s because even though all men of all ages can experience this issue, it is usually found in adolescents more. in young adults as well as inexperienced men. Pretty much = you.
Now, if we agreed with this (the best for you is to accept that you have this problem because it is impossible to cure a problem that you think you don’t have) then let me explain how you can cure it. the best way to treat it is to indulge in sexual activity. When your ultimate goal is not simply to maintain erections but it is to be a perfect sexual partner for your woman (and I really think that this is the problem for you since you’ve said that your girlfriend is super sexy, hence you want to be perfect for her, am I wrong?). well, I do realize that it is all easier said than done, however you are going to need to leave absolutely all of your worries and stress all outside the bed room. You did not had sex for 2 years and now you’ve finally got the chance to have sex with a super sexy lady – it is pretty normal that you are overwhelmed of feelings and strong emotions. Remember that erectile dysfunction can be caused by both too weak emotions or too strong emotions (sometimes too strong emotions are going to PE (PE, in fact, is Premature Ejaculation which is too soon ejaculation)). You need to be yourself with your partner.
Now, to reduce this overwhelming pressure you should absorb yourself in the pleasure of the moment. So, the best way of controlling this situation is to search for help from your partner (she’s the only one who can help you, besides yourself, of course) and you can try some techniques like for example mutual masturbation. When you are going to achieve orgasm while your partner is masturbating you then it is going to help in removing all types of anxiety or frustration that you are having in your mind. I do understand that this is awkward especially if you just have started to date her. however, best way is to talk with her. explain that she’s very sexy for you and that you need help about that. ask for mutual masturbation so you could relieve the anxiety.
You could also consult yourself with a sexologist that is going to be able to provide you some proper counseling as well as he is going to train you with some techniques like for example stop start technique, or squeeze technique or/and kegel exercises that are going to help you pretty much to boost your sexual performance. I do realize that very often young guys of you age won’t do it, so I’ve told you this only for a reference.
The best way would be to relax, to relieve stress and to talk with her. in addition, you really need to cut down on porn and on excessive masturbation and I think that this is very good that you’ve stopped them because they may reduce your sexual performance in some cases. Daily exercising is very good, try also to eat well and to meditate and relax. Like for example yoga.
Remember that the power of positive thinking is going to help you to achieve nearly anything and if you are going to stop stressing out an to think and believe that you are going to have an awesome sex then you will have it! having a clear mind, patience as well as a comfortable relationship with an awesome woman you are going to be able to free yourself of the stress and in no time you will be able to enjoy your sexual time to the maximum point.
I really hope very much that this is going to help you. I’ve tried to point out only the ED issue that you seem to suffer from and the solutions for it. as I said, there are a lot of types of ED issues and each one of them has different ways of treating (like for example low testosterone – def. not you, routine with the same partner – def. not you, as well as others). I wish you good luck in treating this problem.
Hey MBernic, thank you so so much for your answer! The point is that yeah, it might seem to be true what you are saying except for one thing: I am not having morning erections and I have forgot the last time that I have had it. I guess months and months ago.
I will try to follow your recommendation as it sounds to me that you really know what you are talking about, however I really don’t know how I can forget about the stress about other things, that’s truly really difficult. I’m going to try to talk with her but as you said… yeah… that’s awkward. But I’m going to try somehow. I really want to know how I can clear my mind but besides yoga. I really hate yoga. Never done it and doubt that I ever will. I’m simply going to try to relax and somehow to clear my mind, or something else, without yoga s**t. either way, thank you so so much for this post. I will read it once more and I will try to search for a solution. You also were right about the fact that I won’t go to a sexologist. I really don’t even imagine how this should happen? Hey there doc, tell me please how I need to have sex? Of course it is not like that, but I still don’t like the idea. I think the best idea was to talk with my gf and as I said, I’m going to try… later.
I’m just happy that I reduced porn watching (to zero, lately) and masturbation (to very low). I was pretty sure that these things are making it all worse.
You were also right about the fact that I have been somehow “concentrating” on having sex. And somewhere deep inside I knew that I only need to relax but I couldn’t… I saw that I am not able to achieve my erection and I have been trying even harder… oooh… hope in the end I’m going to find a solution. As for now, thanks once again for everything.
WildKnight
New member
Hey there sports man. I came here trying to help and to give you an good suggestion. I have done a little bit of research and I do believe that what you have is “porn induced ED” and it seems to me that there are a lot of young guys (your age plus or minus) that are suffering from it.
Well, “Remember that the power of positive thinking is going to help you to achieve nearly anything and if you are going to stop stressing out an to think and believe that you are going to have an awesome sex then you will have it!” <-- this suggestion might be good but it is not always like that so it doesn’t mean that it is true, especially in your case that it is more likely not to be true… and I’m going to explain as to why I think so.
The porn induced ED it is a physical change in your brain and it is not psychological. I say that it is physical because this has nothing to do with the stress or anxiety or something in this regard. Such a young guy as you who’s doing sports every day… doubt you’re under such a strong influence of stress and anxiety so you cannot perform sex. From what you have described it seems to me that you’re more having this physical change in your brain.
So, let me explain this, even though I do know that it sounds pretty crazy (trust me it did sound crazy to me too initially), it is a real problem… lately. I have said lately because high speed internet porn it is a 10 years old problems so the “real face of it” it is showing now in 2016 and for a couple of years now. that’s how it all works:
You have damaged your brain by desensitizing it because you’ve watched a lot of porn for a lot of time. I do agree with MBernic saying that the problem it is not really in your penis since you can easily achieve an erection but it is in your brain. However, what I do not disagree with him is that it is not a psychological problem (even if the problem is in your brain) but it is mostly a physical one. the good news is that it is not permanent (especially ‘cuz you are young) so it can be healed but you need time and discipline.
Well, you can search for more if you’re interested about this but there is a chemical in your brain that it is called “dopamine”, maybe you’ve heard about it. this chemical it is produced in order to motive you to do something rewarding (like for example to eat food or to have sex etc. etc) and there is a receptor that it is being called A d2 receptor and it is receiving this dopamine and therefore it is turning it into a signal that is exciting you (it is giving the erection).
Now, the problem with all of this is that too much of dopamine chemical is breaking those receptors (A d2 receptor) down and in such cases you are going to need a bigger burst of dopamine in order to get the exact same response of excitement that you have once been getting. Imagine yourself a flexible bag. a flexible one because you can full it, but if you are going to put too much in it, it is going to extend. The second time when you want to full it, you’re going to need more things in order to fill it up. the same thing applies here. this is called “tolerance” and it is pretty much the same as drugs… porn it is also like a drug. it is addictive, it is killing you slowly, it is hard to get off them, you also have tolerance to them and so on and so forth. Pretty much the same as drugs. It is not about sex, it is about clicking and clicking and so on finding different videos in order to find yourself a perfect scene to achieve orgasm too. now, with each new click and new video that you find you are “shooting” your brain with new dopamine dose and this is causing addiction types of changes. Thereby, over time, some normal daily basis things like for example a pretty girl is not able to turn you on that easily and so you find yourself needing to some extreme stuff in order to simply get yourself excited.. now think about what you need in order to achieve orgasm. That new girlfriend needs to do some things that are way more extreme than in porn in order to turn you on and for you to achieve orgasms. Obviously… she won’t do that. unless she’s a porn actress which I doubt. Doesn’t it make sense to you? it will. Just think about the first times that you’ve found porn. I can bet that you were turned on by simply seeing a nude girl and you could “explode” by seeing her vagina. And with time, you needed more and more to be turned on and to climax. just like drugs. And I can bet you’ve got to the point when you’ve started to watch hard anal/oral etc. sex in order to achieve orgasm. Isn’t it true? I bet that’s pretty much the same.
How I know it? I’m a man too. I have been watching porn too. until I’ve got these issues too. now I’m fine. because as I said, with discipline and time, I’ve healed my brain. How I’ve done that? simple: I’ve stopped watching porn. You’ve said that in the last 2 weeks you haven’t watched any porn. That’s good, but you can’t be healed right away. You still have those memories. Your bag is still enlarged. With time, your “excitement flexible bag” is going to come back to normal and then you’re going to be aroused by girls. So I can say that it is a very good start that you’ve stopped to watch porn completely, don’t watch it anymore. decreasing masturbation is anther very good thing. I do know that it can be hard to stop masturbating at all so do it by max once per week. Talk with your gf, tell her that you have some problems and that you need time to heal up. forget about porn altogether and forget about masturbating so much. I’ve done a lot of learning about these things and even though it is true that masturbating does not ruin your sex life so much and your erection, I still think over masturbation is having an negative effect. True thing is that porn is killing your sexual life so you should avoid it! there are websites about porn addiction and porn induced ED. I guess that you should visit them and learn more about it. relaxation techniques is a good advice. I would follow.
I wish you good luck and I really hope that you’re going to find my post helpful. either way, I’m pretty sure that a lot of young guys would find it (if they would follow my advices). Best regards.