almost depressed during pregnancy

[char lotte]

Hello everyone I’m 24 years old and not so long ago I found out that I’m pregnant. The fact that made me to write here is that I found about it at the 5th week of my pregnancy. I didn’t planned to have a baby and my boyfriend still doesn’t know that I’m expecting a baby. This thing makes me feel very sad and hopeless. I wish I never was in this situation. My boyfriend always told to me that we are too young to have a baby and to create a family and that this would be a very big problem for us because of the money. I always wanted to have a baby but I consider that if I know the position of my boyfriend and I know that he wouldn’t accept this I feel sad and really bad. I have involuntarily developed a strange depression and I never was depressed before. Me and my boyfriend are together for 5 years and honestly I’m a little bit excited about the fact that I’ll have a baby but I know that he would not. He doesn’t feel that we are ready to have a baby and it’s a mental factor that doesn’t allow us to and neither financially because we started to live together just a couple of months ago, we noticed that this is really difficult to live together. I remember that there was a day when he was so angry that he said that “thanks god we don’t have a baby because it will become something impossible and insupportable”. I generally can’t understand if he hates babies or he really just considers that’s too soon to have babies. I’m really devastated because I don’t know how to manage this situation, it’s very sad to think that I’ll bring a baby in this world that is not wanted by his father and maybe by his grandmother too… In fact my boyfriend’s family don’t love me and they always told my boyfriend that he have to search for another woman and that I’m not his pair. Now, that I’m pregnant this has become something worse, the fact that my boyfriend’s mom will hate me and my baby makes me feel very exhausted and helpless.  I feel extremely guilty that my baby wouldn’t be loved by everybody and after all these factors I start to think that if I am going to tell him about the baby he will leave me alone and I’ll have to grow my baby by my own. Obviously I cannot say this for sure, but I’m scared about this thought.

 

Before this situation I thought that when I’ll have a baby, me and my boyfriend will be married and obviously in this situation all your relatives, parents and boyfriend’s parents will accept the fact that in one family can appear a baby, but thinking about the reality I am now living that I’m not married and that the situation I am now in is really complicated I feel like I’m ill or something like that. My boyfriend noticed that there is something wrong with me and asked me what is going on but I lied about the situation and I just told him that there is something wrong with my mom and that’s why I’m a little bit sad. He even doesn’t know that I’m expecting his baby. Either way, I’ll never do an abortion, I love my baby even if my boyfriend probably don’t want him. I would like to know just how to manage this depression because I’m a little bit scared for my baby’s situation. Talking about my family and friends I have all their support and they told me that they will help me if I would ever need this. Everybody knows that I’m pregnant except my boyfriend and his mom. I think that this is the most difficult decision and dialogue that I have to defy in my entire life. I don’t expect so many good thing to happened because I’m sure that when I tell this he will be very angry and sad about this… I always dreamed about a baby and I always imagined that when I will be pregnant everyone will want my baby and will be happy for us, especially my husband, but the real life is cruel and in reality you have to face such things like this. I just really hope that here I can find someone that can help me and can advice me what to do in order to calm myself down and to feel better. I’m scared about my baby and not so much about me. Do you think that I have to call my doctor and to explain the situation or there are other solutions that I can try to do? Thanks a lot for you help.

 

[AmeliaTallis5000]

Hey I have quite the same situation but I think that it’s a little bit worse. I’m 6 weeks pregnant and I found about this some weeks ago, in fact I started to feel very sad and awful about this. If in your story it’s because of your boyfriend, in my story it’s because of me. I don’t want this baby; I don’t feel like I’m ready to have one. My husband is really happy and he is expecting this baby like a miracle. My parents and my husband’s parents all of them are happy and every day they call me and ask me about my situation. They don’t know that actually all my smiles and happiness are all fakes. I don’t feel and I can’t realize that this is my baby and that soon he will call me mom. I don’t know how to do and how to tell them about this and I realize that this is very bad and actually I have to understand that this is my baby and I have to accept this but I really cannot. Everything that is liked with this baby irritates me very much. When I think that soon I’ll become very fat and that I’ll have thousand problems because of him I feel like I’m going to become crazy… the situation is really very difficult and the fact that soon I’ll have to stay home and to leave my work makes me crazy.  I love my work and my carrier very much and I worked to earn the position that I have now for many years forgetting about all the things, about the family, friends about everything. Now when my husband say that he is very glad that I finally will stay home and I’ll have a little time for family irritates me and makes me feel angry, but every time he say this thing I face it with a fake smile. What should I do now? Don’t judge me about all the things that I said, I don’t what to tell lies, and I’m here because I understand that I need some help, so please those people that really know what to do please reply to me. I’ll be very glad.

 

[Neveraing]

Girls, this is really sad to hear but I really want to help you. I have 3 children and during all these pregnancies I felt depressed and very bad. Sometimes because I thought that I’m not ready, other times because I thought that I’m not a good mom enough to have a baby and other times because I thought that having 3 kids is too much and that I have to do something else not only to born babies. It’s a normal thing and I consider that you don’t have to worry. Now, it’s a little bit difficult but in most cases it’s because now in your life something it’s going to change and trust me, actually it is just happiness. When you’ll take for the first time your baby in your arms you’ll understand that this is the reason why you lived still now and why you have to live forward.

 

It’s a little bit more complicated for the original poster because it’s a little bit hard and I imagine that now you don’t know what to do, but listen to me you have to talk to him, even if he is going decide to leave you. Don’t forget that you have your family that already told you that they will support you and will help you with all the things that you need. I understand that this is not the same thing and that you dream about having a family but think positively it’s better than being totally alone. IF you what to know my opinion I consider that if you boyfriend loves you he will accept the baby. And generally if he considers that this is a fault he has to remember that this is his fault too. The only thing that you have to do now is to decide for yourself and don’t think about your boyfriend or his mother, what they would think about you and your baby’s health. Anyway both of you can call the doctor and to ask if there is possible to administrate something that could help you feel more relaxed. Of course it can influence you and your baby’s health that’s why relax and think positively soon this sensation will pass away and you’ll feel very happy that you have this baby and that this happened and it’s a consideration for both you. Good luck girls and hope you’ll be alright.