hello everyone, i think that no one knows exactly what dreams are and there are many opinions on this. one thought is that a psychoactive medication called DMT, which naturally occurs in human and have receptors for it, release enough during the REM stage or sleep and off you go.
there is a substance called God molecule that could make your dream happy and joyous or a literal nightmare so real. It is hard to say what will determine how that dream will play out. this substance is known as Ayahuasca in South America and has been used for centuries if no longer.
however for me what you are describing was the regular repetition of the moments in my life where something caused one or more of the following emotions such as violence, humiliation, shame, guilty and others. after that i must think of when i close my eyes. it means that these emotions makes me feel live every moment i never consciously think of.
that's why i use Xanax and it helps me to sleep at night. that is not how you are supposed to go about life though. i have begun with a lower dose.
in your case StrongBrian you are dealing with certain problems that you are aware of. anyway you continue self medicate and you do not see reasons to listen others advice and you are waiting we can properly help you.
i know quite well psychology and pharmacology and as i see you refuse outside help. in any case it is your decision and if you choose opinion over science, I'm sorry to say that you go through on a daily basis will continue until you will find professional help.
everyone have some interior problems and for others it is harder to face the reality of their shortcomings. anyway i think you should realize of these imperfections and choose to fix yourself.
finally I'm not shaming you and tell you this from own experience. i self medicated half of my life and did shit my way. it gives you short term improvements.
however you can choose to let others outside help you like this forum or keep posting and get the same answers.