caught my 12 years old son masturbating

[looley]

It all happened exactly  2 days ago and I’m still confused and don’t know what to do and that’s everything I can think about since then. He is always in his room doing different stuff but I have had no idea that it’s possible to catch him doing this thing at his 12 years old – thought they are doing it when they’re older. I mean, I know that it possible when you are 14, 15 and you start to see some girls and to like some of them but I think that 12 years old it too soon to do this. Anyway he has this necessity privacy and on his door I always see “do not disturb” and private but usually I have never thought about this seriously, he was just a kid and sometimes I just have to enter his room to see what he is doing, or with whom he is speaking to.

 

Anyway since this happened I couldn’t talk with him normally, I don’t know if I have to talk about this with him or not, I don’t know what to say, what to think and how to start a conversation if it’s needed.

 

Anyway before this I would like to find out what do you think about this? It’s normal to do this at 12 years, or it is not? Please help me; I would like to clarify the situation. I mainly don’t know how and what to tell him because I’m confused if this seems normal or no? are there some parents who have had a similar situation and can help me a little bit? Also I would like men to ask me at what age you’ve started to do it if it’s not secret. I’ve asked my husband (his father) this question when I’ve asked him at what age he has done it for the first time and he said that 16 years. I cannot ask any other man about this. that is why, please, help me with everything you can.

 

[Scioneir]

Okay, personally I think that there isn’t a special age when boys start to masturbate, of course 9 or 10 years is too early but actually 12 years old in my opinion is something normal. Of course you can speak with him about this, there isn’t an example how to start the conversation just listen to your thoughts before deciding something and before saying something. The only thing that I can say for sure it’s that you don’t have to ask him any question about this, like why did he decided to do this or any other types of questions. It will be better to explain him that if he would ever want to talk for example with you he can do this (or better with his father). The best thing for a kid is to know that he will always has a support from your side and that he can be sure that if someday he is going to need your help you’ll be there to help him, after all we all know that he’s not doing anything “wow”. Sooner or later that would have happen. That is why it is very important not to yell at him or something like that, just try to explain him.
Don’t worry about this, it’s something normal and I think that generally the only thing that you have to change by your own is getting inside his room without knocking. I think that this is wrong, because your kid think that you don’t respect him and his decisions; this can create the vice versa situation in which he will stop to respect your private life too… there was a topic on this site where a 6 years old was masturbating… well, that’s bad… at 12 years old you can talk to him, I doubt that you can do it at 6….

 

[looley]

Hope that you’re right and talking about the privacy, trust me after this situation I will never get in without knocking. First of all because I understood that you’re right about the respect and secondly because trust me I don’t what to see this thing again.

 

I will try to speak with him and I hope that will be able to explain everything in the best possible way.

 

and oh my god… masturbating at 6 years old???  that’s bad…. I can’t imagine my son doing it at 6…

 

[Heread]

Teen boys always explore their bodies and of course we live in a technological era, full of computers and all the stuff, I think that today it’s becoming very easy to have access to pornography. Don’t tell me sh** like, I wasn’t prepared that he will start his body exploration at 12 years and secondly you can stay relaxed because even if you are going to be able to  block the access to these kinds of sites he will find them to his friends house, or at school or in other places. I think that you have to let thing happen, this is inevitable, I agree with the fact that you have to speak with him and to explain him many things, don’t forget that if he started to masturbate this mean that he could have his first sex at the early years maybe also after one year, that’s why the best thing would be to talk with him about the sexual protection and to explain that this is not a game, this is something serious.

 

And yeah, there is a thread about 6 years old masturbating… you might want to read that thread.

 

[looley]

yes, I thought about talking seriously and to tell him everything. There is no sense to wait some other years before talking to him, you’re right if he started to masturbate this means that maybe after some time he will have his first sex. Thank you for recommendation.

 

[Wiferston]

I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with many things. I consider that 12 years old is too early to do it... He is a kid he has to think about different games with friends and not about sex already. I have a 13 years old son, I can’t swear that he is not masturbating and that he never tried but I’m quite sure he didn’t. First of all I can’t imagine him to have sex now at these years, and secondly every time I examine him I understand very well that he thinks like a baby boy and that he has a lot to learn before starting a sexual life.

 

I think that his best age to start speaking about sex is 14 years; it’s time to explain everything, even if he already masturbated and even if he have seen some pornography before or other stuff 14 years it’s okay and the best age for it. Secondly I would like to add that it’s not true that nowadays you can’t protect your kid from pornography, actually I’m interested in all these things that are linked with my kid, even about friends, parents, places etc. This can help me to understand better with whom my boy is interacting every day and this, by the way, is extremely important!