Hi everyone. this is going to be my story of getting through (better say surviving) xanax withdrawals so everybody who is interested might read it and I hope they would find it interesting. Gotta warn you that this is going to be a long one. so well, I have to say that I am reading a lot of stories (posts) all over the internet about how people are days away from going into the benzo withdrawals as well as how bad they are relying on the “postal gods” as well as magic wands or whatever else. but this should be discussed in anther forum post which I also think that would be a very useful thread, maybe later I am going to make that thread either, it would be “the importance of stockpiling” as it is indeed very important.
Anyway, I have been on benzos for a very long time, since I have been a teenager I take them, my very first panic attack has occurred when I have been only 15 years old. of course, when I had it, I needed to go through the entire ordeal of CTs, of EKGs as well as a lot others, in order to rule out every single possible physical illness, until later, finally, one good day my GP has figured it all out and told me that I am having GAD.So well, I have finally got the prescription of Frontin, which is a very uncommon drug but it is an very and very potent alprazolam (it is Pfizer level or maybe it could be even more potent than it). I’ve got 0.25 mg to take 3 times a day. this is (as you can see) an very and very low dose and this is why it did not do very much with my, however in a few months, of course, I got a higher dose so I ended up being on 3 to 4 mgs per day and then over a decade in a half I have ended up to approximately 6 mgs per day.
Then later, when I have finished the high school in the Europe I have moved to the USA and I think that those people who are living here do know very well how doctors are extremely hesitant when it is coming to benzos, like they give you a gun or something. They are, most of the time, going for SSRIs and maybe a very very low dose of some generic and very poor quality of Klonopin. This is the reason why I have asked one of my family member in my country of where I was born to ask my former doctor to continue writing those Frontin scripts and that family member I am talking about would send me a 100 pills per month to me. 1 pill = 1 mg which means I was having 100 mg a month.Of course, each one of us knows very well how USPS is operating (or at least most of us), that is why, obviously, I have ended up with some severe withdrawals, those times when the USPS misread the ZIP code, or maybe when they have accidentally been putting it into the neighbor’s mailbox, which has been, obviously, vacant for months on end, that is why there has been no way to get them back.
Either way, I have went through hell from the withdrawals that most of the people do know what it is like (I thought… let’s just call it xanax from now on here). next: the classic situation. After a couple of years of using them, and with alcohol pretty often as well, of course I have developed a very serious addiction to it. I have went through approximately 5 or maybe even 6 xanax withdrawals (so many that I don’t even remember) and I have to say that the last one was the most serious one and it has been a few months ago.So well, after about 2 years or so of being almost completely unable to eat or to sleep, it just hit me and I felt that I have to change something, I have felt that this time I am not going to be able to make it. that is why I have started to walk to the nearest ER out there. I remember that I have showed up in there totally broke, my hands have started to go into convulsions half way to the hospital, I was all shaking, like I have never experienced before. They have bent down and I was not able to move them at all. so well, I have stumbled in the ER entrance and the triage nurse has seen me right away and she immediately understood that the problem I am having is pretty severe and that I do need serious help as she started to act on an instant. so well, after they have seen that I was not even able to write down my own name or to put a logical sentence together or whatever logical, I have ended up in a room (guess an emergency one) and I have been all surrounded by CNAs, by nurses and by a doctor trying to help me.
They have cathetered me, due to the fact that I had been self medicating with alcohol, that is why they have needed to find out and know whether it is safe to get me on CNS depressants so well I have been good to go. after I have spent 2 days in there in the psych ward, they have sent me off approximately 20 or 30 miles (whatever) away to a detox facility, where my first week have started stunning. That doctor has put me on a valium taper (if you know, Ashton manual type) and I have been feeling better and better day by day, and I have been ready to sign my release forms after approximately one week or so, when then later something horrible has happened. I do not remember very much from that, but I did started to see some weird things to come out of the walls, I have started to see myself showing on the TV, I have been watching myself on the news as a reporter has been talking about me, I have been able to see myself being gunned down, due to the fact that I have been able to control minds or something so that is why there have not been very much left for them to do because they couldn’t deal with me, this is why they shoot me down. I have been in such a state of mind that I was convinced and sure that I could speak to people telepathically and I was able to control minds. I have been in such a horrible situation that I started to see and hear things that were appearing extremely real to me. I have even seen the SWAT team coming right outside of the hospital and that is why I have drew a sign and then I have put it on the window reading: please, do not shoot me, I don’t intend to hurt anybody. I have been thinking that I was holding nurses there as hostages with my mind control. My paranoid, schizophrenia etc. etc. went to a level I was literally crazy. And I was believing what I was seeing. It was all real for me. so well, the doctors, of course, seen that, and they have got me a shot of Halidol and the next 3 days were all blacked out for me.I have finally woke up and then I have started to realize and to understand that everything that happened in there was only my imagination and nothing more. I was feeling so awkward, so ashamed of myself, so strange. I could not believe in that. I could not believe that it is possible. It has been very hard for me to come back to reality because I’ve been a firm believer in my own reality.
So well, here is a few tips for those people who are refusing to have a stock pile (as I have already said, I guess that I am going to make another thread later about stock piling) and to decide to go through the benzos withdrawals without any help and to ride it out. so well, I am going to talk about what you can expect and how to handle some certain situations that might occur as this is what’s really important.So well, here’s the following list of what you could suspect:
- Loss of appetite
-Vomiting
-Uncontrollable shaking, a lot and excessive sweating
- Some extremities to go ice cold. I have had to take a very hot shower every hour or so in order to warm up my body due to the fact that I could not feel my fingers and toes (so cold I’ve been feeling)
- After you are going to reach the 3rd day, (or at least what it happened to me) I have started to lose touch with reality slowly. No, I was not having hallucinations, however it did felt like I have been in a dream, I was day living in a dream. Everything that happened has been absolutely like in a dream or something. I was in my own little world. I have been nearly feeling my brain to go into overdrive and my GABA receptors screaming and asking for those benzo molecules!
- This has lasted approximately 5 days or so, this has been the worst part of it all.
- Numbness, tightness as well as chest pain. I have been having constantly numb arms, constantly numb forehead as well as hands. My jaw has locked up, been very hard.
- Had the jell o leg syndrome. For those who does not understand. My legs has been feeling like they have been made from jell o and I was barely able to lift them which means that I was barely able to walk.
- I’ve been also having brain zaps as well as some electric shock sensations. Very and very often. Any time that I have been touching a door knob or something it sparked and it did shocked me. yeah… it was my brain that was still in the overdrive.
- I’ve had an extreme noise sensitivity. I couldn’t stand in noisy rooms / places. I was very and very sensitive.
- It has been 5 days and I was still having no appetite at all.
- I then have finally been able to go to sleep (but it was a very big problem in the past), however nightmares appeared when I finally got sleep.
- I have been extremely annoyed by anything and everything. But I guess this is expectable. I was the most annoyed person on this planet. I could not bear any humans near me. I could get annoying by anything. Like for example there was no stars seen in the sky. This annoyed me. there was stars in the sky. It annoyed me.
- Of course, diarrhea
- I have a strange and constant need to move. A strange need to scratch my face, my legs, to move my arms, or simply to move or whatever else.
- That feeling that you are leaving your own body or something, the feeling of impending doom, that something very terrible it is just about to happen soon. and you wait for it. you kinda wait. You just feel it. once again, at least this happened for me and that’s why it could happen to you too. this has been a very and very scary thing. I have been in a fetal position for like 2 days on the floor and I was crying out of nothing as a grown man I was. I did not wanted to die but I had a feeling like I would soon.
So well, these were what I have got and as I said, I am not trying to say that they would surely happen to you too, but there’s a risk of it happening. Besides, there might be others that did not happen to me and if there would be something like that then I am sorry but I cannot really help. about the ones that happened to me. a few words on how you can be prepared in order to make them less painful, terrible or whatever. generally, to make it at least a bit better but I should warn you: do not expect any wonders!! So I am going to try to write them consecutively.
- You should go and work out or go run or both or swim or all 3. In case your heart is beating fast, at least your brain is not imagining that it is beating a 160 bpm, due to the fact that you are about to get a heart attack, but due to the fact that you are working out and doing something.
- Get some very light food, like yogurt or saltines.
- In case you are drinking, you should get yourself a few very light beers and to drink maybe one in about every 2 hours or so. It is going to help you a lot with the anxiety for a temporary period of time, however in case you are going to do it all day, for days on end, your withdrawals are going to get a lot (and I mean A LOT) worse, due to the fact that alcohol is messing up with some of the GABA receptors as benzos either. so you could do it, but be very careful on how you exactly do it.
- Take a week off from your work. At least one week because of course the first week is the worst. Trust me, you might be a tough guy and think that you’ll be fine, you will not. you are not going to be able to do your job properly. In case you think that you can do it and you might be able to, then your co workers are going to notice it, that there’s something very off. In fact, there are some situations when you could work, depending on the type of work, how bad is your wd, you’re really a very tough guy, it is the 4th day of wd and so on and so forth. But you still should not do it. just call out and tell that you are very contagious or whatever else you need to say.
- Do not drive, it is obvious. Forget about driving during this period.
- You should try to stay indoors at home due to the fact that outside stimuli is going to drive your brain crazy but if you still don’t believe me you’ll go outside and you’ll feel it yourself.
- For me personally, I just have told all the people I knew, that I am going to be out of the town for a few days and that there’s no reason in trying to get me. I really could not stand those people who were showing up and hanging around (as I said, I hated to be around people) especially in the time I have been getting through that hell inside of my mind. And all of this while I have had to act normal, of course, which is, of course again, not easy, when you are in that dream like state of mind I have mentioned with all those other feelings running through me.
- you really should get yourself some “sleepy time extra strength Chamomile” tea, it is going to help you a bit. but you need to put in a mug about 3, 4 or maybe even 5 of them. I do know that it is excessive but it is the only way to get some help from them.
- in case you are not able to sleep at all (because it might happen that insomnia would be a very hard thing to deal with) after about 2 or 3 days then I suggest you to get yourself some Benadryl. Dyphenhydramine HCL is going to knock you out or at least put you to sleep a little bit for a few hours. it should. However, I have to warn you that it will not help you at all with your anxiety so pay attention to this.
- it is pretty important to avoid caffeine and cigarettes, they would make your days worse. You should avoid any kind of stimulants for this matter. in case you are a smoker and you find it hard to quit then at least try to purchase cigarettes with lower nicotine and try smoking fewer cigarettes per day. if you’re a daily basis coffee drinker then the same as cigarettes, try to have fewer coffees per day if that’s mandatory for you. ideally would be not to smoke any cigarettes and coffee at all, but once again, if that’s kind of mandatory then try fewer and lower. Try decaffeinate coffee and low nicotine cigarettes.
- I do know this might sound pretty stupid but you still should do it. in case you are not already having an Netflix or a Hulu account then you should prepare yourself for this period and get yourself one. Put on Friends on it, Seinfeld, whatever Chevy Chas comedy, or try watching some Curb yourEnthusiasm or whatever else is making you laugh. Laughter is going to help you even though you may think that it will not. there’s a reason why they are telling: laughter is the best medicine. I do know that it sounds like a cliché, however in case you find yourself chuckling on a stupid joke from some stupid sitcom then you already won a few second or maybe minutes of serenity and in that situation, believe me, that’s a lot and you’re a winner. When dealing with those minutes then this can be priceless, trust me I know what I am talking about. as I said above, you should not go to work during this time, as I said, you even should not go outside, hence, there’s nothing you can do than watching them all day long, all the night long if that’s necessary. You should avoid to be all quite because you are going to hear noises and they are going to freak you out, I know what I am talking about (and that’s even if those noises are not going to come from your own head).
- I’m not that sure if this goes for women’s audience here (but I guess it should), but if you’re a man then masturbate very much. as much as you can. yeah. seriously. That’s not a joke. This is going to distract you for a few minutes and then again it is going to give you a couple of minutes of serenity which is, as I have already said it, in those kind of minutes, priceless minutes when you are going through a benzo WD hell.
- In case you black out and you end up with bumps and bruises and you do not remember that this has ever happened then it most likely means that you have had a seizure. If it does happen and you see it then you should grab a backpack as soon possible, put in there 2 t shirts, 2 boxers and 2 pair of socks in there and right away go to the nearest ER in there. (I guess we need to talk a little bit about this later).
- In case you are going to start to see things and to hear some things that you do know that are not there and it is your imagination then you should see the point from above ^ and grab that backpack with primarily needs and go to the nearest ER immediately! you should do so because in a matter of some minutes or some hours you are going to lose touch with reality completely (it goes slowly, but if you do not act you’ll lose) and you are not going to be able to tell what it is reality and what it is not so don’t wait.
- in case you are starting to feel like your extremities start to go into some convulsions / spasms then you are not having even the time to pack your backpack so you need to call the 911 immediately. in the same minute! Trust me, you might be a couple of minutes way from a possibly fatal seizure! This is definitely not a joke because convulsions are usually the most serious warning sign that soon, things are going to take a turn for the worse, surely.
- In case you are having a BP monitor at home (that would really be very good) then, obviously, use it, maybe every hour or so. Watch what it is written because if your BP is going over 160/120 then you are still not in danger, however you still should pack your needs and leave for the ER. However, what it is even more important is that you should watch your heart rate. in case it is going over 120 – 130 then once again, you should go to the nearest ER right away!
- and I guess this is going to be the last one: in case you are feeling tightness in your chess, or mybe some numbness in your arm(s) and maybe some jaw pains, then you should call the ambulance immediately because you shouldn’t play with this.
So well, now. in case you are getting to the ER on foot by your own (because in case you are getting there by the ambulance then you can ignore this following part).You need to tell the triage nurse that you are now going through the benzo withdrawals (everything as it really is) and you are feeling like you are just about to pass out or something, seize as well as see (and hear) some things that they are not there in reality. You need to tell everything as it is, tell the truth. You should not lie. They are college educated people, they are doctors, they are there for helping people. they are not some idiots. If you drank then you should tell them, of course. You should tell them in case you took any type of street drugs in order to self medicate. Nobody is going to put you to jail, you should be fully honest with those people. remember that all the medical staff in there are not cops and they are only going to help, that’s why they are there, to fix you up and not to judge your or whatever. once again, you need to be fully honest with them about everything. Not sure how to explain it better. you need to be especially honest with the doctor (though you should be with everybody else as well), you should tell him everything. They are going to the medschool (surprisingly yeah?) and they are teaching them about how dangerous it is to go off cold turkey from benzos which means that they do know what to expect and they do know what you’re going through those minutes.When you are going to be there then they are going to treat you like you are a priority and remember that they would do so because you really are. You should remember and keep this in mind that people are dying from benzo withdrawals (one of the reasons why doctors hesitate a lot to prescribe them). all of this is definitely not a joke at all! this is something that nobody should take lightly! At least the doctors and the nurses in there surely won’t because as I said, they do know what’s that. remember tht the first 2 nights in there are going to be the hell, they are going to put IV Ativan every now and then in order to get your heart rate down from 130 160 below to a 100 or so because that it is considered to be safe. You should feel free to look at the monitor in case you are not feeling good and check your heart rate. in case it is going up then call up the nurse right away and most likely it is going to go with Ativan (a side note here… I personally hate Ativan because I think that it is the most useless benzo ever… but anyway). you are going to be stuck (usually) in a tiny room with a curtain until they are going to find you a place, a detox, where they are going to take you as an inpatient and taper you off in a safer way. usually I know that they are not trained for that at the ER.
After they taper you off, you are going to still feel anxiety. you should remember that withdrawals sometimes can last as long as a year (yeah. that’s true. I’m sorry but I have to tell you the truth). Obviously, it is not going to be the same intensity and severity, however you are still going to feel some constant anxiety that would go off only with time. and when you are going to do it and you will have those effects then it is going to be the worst year of your life! then they are going to appoint you for a follow up with a psych doctor and then I one recommend you that you find a primary psychiatrist for yourself, one that it is going to give you the proper medications. it is very and most likely that you are not going to get any benzos for some (I guess) very obvious reasons, however if you do then you should not expect more than a baby dose with no refills. Most likely I think that you are going to be put on some type of an SSRI and maybe even some off label for anxiety, maybe Gabapentin or maybe Seroquel or something like that.
So well, to have a summary about this all – it is an truly horrible, terrible, awful experience, however in case you are already hooked up on benzos then I highly recommend you to get this help. you could stay on them. I one decided to stay on them, I could not function with the daily anxiety I was living with, however I am not using anymore xanax 3 or 4 at the time like I have been used to do in the past. Use rivotril and valium very and very conservatively, as conservatively as you can and be smart about your choices. But once again, like I already said it earlier in the post, I simply cannot find the proper words to make you understand how important it is to stock pile. I guess that soon I am going to make that thread happen, as I said. in case you are not having a regular doctor and you are self medicating yourself through IOPs then I really recommend you that you would change up your benzos every now and then.
I do know that you don’t want to as soon as you found a good one that works well on you and you would want to stick up with it. however, trust me, for your own well being, you shouldn’t do it.Try to order some say valium for a few months, after that switch to klonopin and after a few more month to lorazepam and so on and so forth. About xanax. I one would ban it from every pharmacy and I would restrict it for only in hospital settings due to the fact that it is an very potent drug with a very short half life, it is basically the midazolam’s brother. Not sure how to explain it to you, but that’s dangerous. You should know that there are some other good, much safer and even cheaper benzos out there, all you have to do is some research. Lots of people are only using xanax not because it is so good, but because it is popular and they just use it. and also, no, you are not going to get high from those drugs like you are going to do from using xanax, however in case you are doing this for getting the high, then, seriously, how did you got up until this point of reading? Why do you even read it all?
So well, I think that this is all that I have, in case you are having any questions then you could feel free to ask it all in the comments and I am going to try my best to reply to my best knowledge in the shortest time. you should stay safe, be smart and I seriously hope that you are going to take care of yourself. And also, please, do not rely on the postal gods because if you do you might end VERY bad. You should rely on your brain only and to have enough benzos (stockpiling part, again) to be able to feed an army if that it is necessary.
PS. I guess I shouldn’t be sorry for this incredibly long post?! I have not thought that it is going to be THAT long. Anyway, I hope that it is worth it and all the time I have spent here (I am already writing this for a while now LOL). wishing you all good luck!"