How to deal with someone with paranoid schizophrenia?

[Laurapaul]

Hello,

 

My mother in law was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia even before I met her son, my husband now. At first she looked totally normal without any health or mental issues, but now, in time, I am shocked about her attitude. She is making me living in a hell day by day and I can't stand that. I was searching the internet some info about her issue and I found something describing her to a T. Now she thinks that everyone is trying to manipulate her, she thinks that everyone is against her and we try to harm her. But the first person on her list who's trying to do this is me which is totally a crazy thought. She always affirms that some specific persons are capable of murder which I found out that they aren't and they never been. She's just giving birth to these kinds of thoughts in her mind without any known reason. Moreover she's talking in written form thru skype with her son making lots of accusations about me. I am shocked what she's saying there. Tons of lies! I didn't know she's imagining something like that about me, she said horrible things about me that, obviously, I've never done them. I didn't even think about something like that.

 

Now when my husband showed me their chat I decided to talk to her but she denies every single word she wrote there, saying that she never told something like that about me even though I show her what she wrote there. She denies that something is wrong and she affirms that she is perfectly fine. That's too bad because we can't make her go to visit a doctor and take the medicine. How can we make her admit that and make her take the medicine the doctor will prescribe her? I don't know how much more of her I can take, of her ideas and assumptions. What do I need to do about that?

 

I really feel sorry about her, about her disorder, but I can't live longer in this hell she's making! How I should deal with that? Has anyone any ideas? It is much more worse that it seems to be a daughter in law for such a mother. Please someone help me with at least some hints that could make my life easier. Thanks in advance and hope nobody has to deal with something similar.

 

[Nale1967]

Hi Laura, I really feel for you and I wish you could have a happy ending in this situation. I really don't know what you can to do force her in treatment, to visit a doctor and to take the pills she needs. She needs to understand by herself what is happening and to do all of this voluntary unless she can be a danger to you, your husband, your marriage, even for herself and others. This is not all fun and games and I understand how serious this is. I strongly recommend you to have a talk with your husband about everything. You should tell him that you know about her disorder and that she was diagnosed with it years ago. You should be totally honest with him and explain him everything: how her abnormal behavior is affecting you and that sooner or later it is going to affect your relationship with him if she's not treated. You need to do all this because he needs to be aware of her paranoia and recognize that his mother is ill, it's not easy, but it's something necessary. Both of you need to set limits with her and also should have an awareness of this illness and to know how to deal with the behaviors that result from her illness because schizophrenia does not go away by itself, even with treatment it does not go away definitely. In such things you could search help from a therapist that has experience with schizophrenia, they can offer really precious advices and support that you need so much now, and remember you both should see the doctor. Schizophrenia left untreated will only worsen, you can help her and then she's going to switch to a new episode, less dangerous for everyone around her and including her. I strongly recommend that you two not to allow her to be in your lives so intimately especially if you know how this is going to end if you will. People with such disorders may feel threatened by everyone around her, which is why she said that someone is capable of murder even though they are not. You came in her life closer than others, for example his friends, that is why she is feeling threatened by you more and cause her to target you, you should understand this and to react properly. It depends very much whether your husband is going to admit the fact that she is ill and if he is going to do something about it, that's why I said so many times that you both should seek help and be together.

 

You may think how I know all this things. No, I'm not a doctor. Unfortunately I've been in the exact same situations many years ago and my story didn't have a happy ending. Mother of my ex-husband, we're now divorced, was mentally ill too. We were living with her in the same house and as you said it was hell on earth! She was paranoid and had hallucinations so we did an intervention and had her committed. In the end it wasn't as we expected it to be, she was aggressive, full of anger and rage. Things were so bad that I was in depression myself hardly dealing with it. I've insisted so many times to move out but because of money economy we didn't. Now you see the result of all this. I don't know how she's doing now because it was many years ago so I really don't have any wish to see her again. That is why I told you to seek a help, not to live with her and that you should be together in everything you're doing. I really hope that my story helped you and my experience will help you dealing with it and that you will have a different end of the story. Take care of each other and good luck with it.

 

[HaNNaH]

I can feel your pain and I understand what you're going thru right now. My mother in law isn't diagnosed with schizophrenia, she is an intelligent woman, however my sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia 6 years ago and since then I live in the same hell as you. I saw other people suffering from other mental issues but in my opinion paranoid schizophrenia is one of the most difficult things to deal with for his or her family members. First years my sister took her medication regularly, but she got divorced about 2 years ago (because of the schizophrenia too) and after that she refused taking the medication she needs. Exactly as your mom, she is continuously thinking that some specific people want to harm her and as in your situation, I'm the first one in that list, as if I ever wanted to harm her. This situation makes me so sad because we love her very much and nobody ever behaves badly with her but we have to endure everything she thinks. Everything went so bad that she has called the police to arrest me saying that I want to kill her. We have to understand that her perceptions aren't really coming from the person suffering from it and I understand this thing every single day even better because she's getting angrier and angrier if we try to change her perceptions. I noticed a method that somehow is helping dealing with this. Well, we have NOT to disagree with her point of view, we have to maintain a conversation without disagreeing or agreeing with her, we have to keep the conversation to an abstract level, otherwise she's getting really aggressive. We have to stay strong because I know how low emotionally all this can make you feel. I wish you a happy end

 

[Rocky]

Please someone help with an advice because I don’t know what I should do and how I should react. I am now trying to deal with my wife (we are now married for 15 years) who just recently started to make all kind of really stupid accusations toward me that I’m cheating on her (even though I never cheated her in all these 15 years and I never wanted to). She always tells me that I’m lying everything what I’m saying and that I’m hiding things, like I’m having secret e-mails, letters and some secret devices. This is crazy! Obviously she tried to find all those “secret” things and to prove me that I’m lying and even though she saw the proof that I’m not doing any kind of things she is thinking, she is still insisting that all that is true and that I’m continuing lying. All my life I’ve been absolutely honest and faithful to everyone, especially with her but it seems that this is not enough. Now, I have even scheduled a polygraph test in few days but I’m sure that she will find other things to say, like I’m somehow cheating on the test. Each time I need to leave the house to go to work she says that there are girls waiting for me and that I’m not going to work but I go to cheat on her. Besides all that she even says that I want to kill her, to get rid of her. She says that I just wait for the perfect moment to do it and then to make everyone believe that it is just an accident. That’s completely crazy! I never wanted to harm anyone, especially her. I still love her with all my heart, how I could I do something to her? Some of you may say that I just should divorce but I just can’t because as I said, I really love her! She wants to divorce! That’s because I’m lying, cheating, want to kill her and so on. But my life won’t be the same without her. Moreover, we have 2 kids together. I have read on the internet a little bit about paranoid schizophrenia and all her symptoms are matching purely perfect and now I’m almost surely can tell her diagnose without visiting a doctor. By the way, each time when I’m telling her that we should see a doctor she tells me that I’ve gave them money just to tell what I want. I think this is all caused by a drug detox that she went through in august for opiate addiction. I have started to notice changes in her behavior after that. I’m not an expert in this so I wanted to know if her paranoia could be caused by brain chemicals effected by the procedure? Is there anything what I can do about that? I need your help, what I should do?

 

[AAAbey]

So well, my boyfriend (we’ve been together for 8 years now) has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia almost for one year. Well, he has not been too compliant with any medications since that time. since then, he has been in and out of a hospital for his treatment. I really don’t know why they won’t keep him in the hospital. I have tried to talk with them and they told me that he is ok for output. I have tried to explain them that he is not. and he really is not. I really don’t know why they don’t listen to anybody, they don’t listen to me, to his parents and so on. It seems that they are more listening to him, but he has paranoid schizophrenia, what’s the point?? Honestly I am very and very angry and I am very and very upset with this due to the fact that this has put a toll on me. I guess that the doctors don’t hear me when I’m telling them that he has been wondering the streets for whole days without us knowing what’s happening to him. Each time when he does this I am having no idea where is he and his family neither. as much as I know, he is not in danger to anybody including himself, however, he has told us a lot that there are some people who are trying to harm him, saying that there are people after him and he also says that I am against him… I don’t understand how he can think about such a thing?? anyway, each time that he is going into the hospital when he is having some crisis, he still leaves from out there each time and he says that the cops are coming after him and he always is claiming that people who are working in there are for no good. this is killing me, he doesn’t trust anyone, and it doesn’t matter who, he doesn’t trust me or his family either.

 

Besides everything, he has almost not sleep at all. during the night he’s not going to sleep but he is up and is always looking out of the window. He says that he must be ready when the people are coming after him. And he also says that he’s sure that people are always watching him. He didn’t used to be like this in the past. But now this is killing me. I know very well that our relationship is slowly dying and I’m not sure how much I’m going to resist like this. I also don’t know what I need or what I can do for him, in order to save this relation. If I would only know how can I over come this problem… this is really a very big problem and I am also not having almost any help. besides, I know that he’s the one who needs support and I do try my best for this. but I also need some support, and I’m having almost no support at all and this is also killing me. I’m wondering very much why has this happened in general?

 

We are not living together, but I have given everything he is belonging to his parents and family, but as much as I saw, they are not supporting him at all. I do really want him a lot to have some help, much more help than I can give him, unfortunately there is almost nobody who’s supporting and helping him. I also understand very well that he is having a problem, this is the reason why I’m trying so hard to help him, but sometimes I need help too. and besides this I’m very afraid that we are not going to have a future together, I am now having doubts that we would be together. This is another thing that it is killing me from inside, we have had big plans, we’ve been planning our future and I have been dreaming a lot. we’ve planned and dreamed that we would be together forever, that we are going to marry and to have children and grandchildren and so on. But with all these problem it seems that slowly slowly those plans and dreams are disappearing… I have no idea what to do and I’m feeling helpless. Please…