Hello everyone. My situation it’s a little bit strange and I’m still not sure about what should I do with my situation. I’m 25 years old and I have never had a girlfriend before, not ever in my life. I know that everyone who hears this phrase looks a little bit strange at me but actually this is the truth and of course I understand that there is something wrong but I feel really okay about this and that’s the main reason why I don’t feel ok. It’s complicated to make you understand what I’m talking about. I don’t have the necessity to see anyone or to have a girlfriend even if I’m already 25. I feel like am 10 years old, not because of mental feelings but because of the fact that I really don’t need a girlfriend like when I was 10. I can’t say that I was like this all my life, when I was a little boy I always was sociable and I have had a lot of friends in comparison with now. When I was a teenager I was very active and I have had many friends, girls and boys as well, and my mom always thought that I’ll find a girlfriend very soon. Now that I’m 25 years old she is a little bit worried about this.
The last couple of years something changed and I started to feel okay when I’m alone without anybody around me and that was the time when I understood that there’s something wrong. Even friends that I have had for many years don’t call me anymore and I understand very well that this is my fault. It started when I was 17 years old and don’t ask me the reason I know nothing about this, I simply started to feel like that. Something changed in a moment and all my friends observed it. I was different and during some years I have lost all of them. I don’t hang out with anyone anymore and I feel okay about this, I can’t say that I feel alone, I feel like I have the necessity to stay alone by my own. I can say the same thing about my family I don’t talk to them so much as when I was a little boy. I grew up by myself and I never needed their help. My cousins and other relatives live far away from me and I never called them before, they neither called me. My father abandoned me and my 2 sisters when we were very little and my mom couldn’t be supportive because she always was depressed. That’s why being alone for me and my sisters were a normal thing. My sisters now are married and they have children. I didn’t talk to them for many years and now I think that they decided to live me alone, I think that they understood that I want to stay alone without them and other people around me.
I understand very well that this is a form of depression and that it can be very dangerous to go ahead with this without doing anything to fix it up. I feel okay to be alone but I decided to ask somebody if it’s okay to continue like this or I have to change something. I repeat I feel okay about this and if I would have to decide to choose something I’ll choose to stay like this because I’m fine, but it scares me that I’m fine like this. I don’t know what really influenced me to take this decision and I don’t know what really was the reason, what happened I don’t really know. I have a work but there I have no friends and when I have some holidays I prefer to stay home to watch a movie or to read a book instead of a party with lots of people. I know this is really strange and I know that some of you, especially some men can ask me how I live without sex, I don’t know what to answer, maybe it’s because I got used with it but I really don’t have the necessity to look for a girl, and I have never had the situation in which I wanted to have sex. Could it be pathology? I was always alone and I have never been supported by somebody before even if I was with different people I knew that I have to go ahead and to decide everything by my own. I was a little boy when I started to prepare some food by my own, when I started to wash my cloths and to do other things that actually parents do, by my own. I found my first work when I was 13 years old ,it obviously wasn’t a serious thing but all the money that I have had from this work were enough to buy me those things that I needed to. With a little bit of support from my mom, but soon later I became fully independent.
I’m here because I know that I have to change something even if I don’t need to. I want to stay alone but at the same time I feel like I have to change something and I have to talk at least with somebody. I’m feeling fine, but once again, feeling fine being alone scares me. I can’t explain what really I want, and I would like to hear what you think. What should I do? I was thinking about TRYING to get a girlfriend and to see the results. if I won’t like all this thing I would simply return to my previous life when I’m alone. Does it sound right to you?