life full of failure. no point living.

[nelsooon]

To make you understand quickly what is going on with me I’m going to say one simple phrase that describe my entire life: Whatever I do and try, it never works out and I mean literally NEVER and WHATEVER! It feels like a curse! I hate my life really bad and I don’t know why I’m fighting for me future when I know for sure that I don’t have one. I give up on life, on my dreams I once had and on everything I have right know. I never had any success in my life and I doubt that I will ever have. I hate everything about my past and everything what is going on with me right now. I gave up on searching help long time ago since I am single and totally worthless. I really don’t see any point on me to continue like this. I want to pack a small bag with clothes, to take some money and to leave my cell phone home and leave far away from this house and from this city so no one to find me. To go to a place where no one knows who I am and to forget about this life I’m living right now.

 

Someone might think that I’m crazy but let me make myself clear: I failure in getting a job, I failure in almost every school test, I failure to have my driver’s license, I failure in having some friends, I failure in EVERYTHING I try. That is why I don’t want to go to a college because I’m going to waste time and money and again to failure. My parents never understood me and never supported me. I'm always getting into fights with my parents about me getting a job and the kind of person I am. Instead of supporting me they always said that I have no brains and that I’m stupid and if I’m going to continue to be like that I’m going to die of hunger when I’m going to be older. I have tried to get a job in order to have some money, I handed many applications and I have been to few interviews but everything was useless. I can’t get a job now so I’m never going to get one and that is why I’m never going to have my dreams come true.

 

The worst is that I see others basically living my dreams. People from my school, people I know that are living my dreams. Whenever I’m having dinner with my family, my parents are always saying how good is doing my sister at the school and how good she is but none a word about me. They say something about me but only that I’m brainless and worthless. I guess if I’m going to end with my life no one is going to suffer and no one is going to cry at my funeral. I am practically told that I am worthless so what is the point to continue like this? Furthermore, I have tried to get my driver’s license 3 times and I still don’t have it. My dad said that when I’m going to have some lessons with my instructor he is going to let me drive our car and he is going to teach me, guess what? I never drove our car because I’m too stupid as my dad said. I’m so tired being called a loser, an idiot, that I’m stupid and worthless.

 

I can end this all up saying that everyone keeps telling me that I’m the main source of my pain and no one else and that it is me who is doing everything wrong. But I don’t know what to do, what should I do? And what is the point of doing it if I know that I’m going to have another failure. When I see that everyone else are living their life and they have plans and then they make their plans come true it basically makes me feel sick. What is the point of starting doing something when I started to believe that I am the main source of my pain and I started to believe in what my parents are telling me: stupid, brainless loser and so on. To be honest I really can’t understand why I wrote this information here. I don’t really think that someone is going to help me. I guess I just want to know if someone can tell me if there is a point after all in living my life? I’m saying this because I’m dead inside, I’m nothing. Every night I lay in my bed for hours and can’t sleep because I’m having millions questions such as: Why I am thinking like this? How can I change this? Why I keep failure in everything and so on… If you find this too boring I can understand

 

[nevertime]

Woah man! This is unbelievable strange! I'm feeling mostly in the same way as you have described besides few things! You have described how I feel now! This is crazy dude, we are in the same boat and I can't believe that there is someone else who is feeling like me. I also have the same thoughts of getting on an airplane and flying far away from this place to a country where nobody knows me so I could start from nothing. Trust me I totally understand what you are feeling! I know that being alone in the place where no one knows me it's going to be hard, but I'm also alone here and it's better in this way than sitting here and feeling how I feel now here. I truly think that if I would save some money I would do it! I'd do it even today! But I have no hope, I also failure in everything! At school tests, I can't find a job. Everyone is telling me that I can't work because I have no experience. But I have no experience because I don't work. This is some kind of failure circle.

 

[Brutbuly]

Woah! As I read your post I was more and more shocked! You just have made me being truly amazed about what you have written!! I'm being serious! I just don't even know you but as I was reading your post I was finding myself in it. It's like you wrote about my situation and my own life. I am living the same life and I'm having the same experience as you, we're both in the same story! You never mentioned how old you are but I assume we're about the same age. My name is Jake, I'm 21 years old and I seem to have a nice personality, I guess I just took the wrong path in my life. I have had some opportunities in my life, but I didn't know what should I chose and what should I make. Now I have to live with that and to endure every mistake I have made in my life and boy... I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. I guess you have had some opportunities too, we just got in the wrong time in the wrong place... I don't really know why we are experiencing this, but I do know that we have to change this. I don't even want to remember but I lied to people, I have lied a lot... I also started to steal and to do horrible things, but I know that there was another path that I could choose. I have made the mistakes, you have done them too, and now we're lost, we're locked inside of ourselves and in our own mistakes we have made. That is why we have this pain and we're doomed to regret everything we have done and we're doing now. I also have to look how my twin brother is living the life I should live in. I was on my way to do everything what is needed to do to achieve that life, but instead of that I'm now here writing this story. He has a good education and he is working in a good company, has a good and well paid job and not so long ago he got his drive's license. He is now engaged and soon he is going to get married. A life that I wanted and dreamed about all my life. Instead of that I have made mistakes in my life which I really wished I've never had done them because now I would be well educated, become a manager, having a driver's license as well as being married or at least engaged. I know that I had the opportunity to have all that but heck no... I have done what I shouldn't. Everything what I have done was a big mistake, as you have said: life full of failure. As you I'm always engaged in fights with my parents, especially with my mom. It's hard for me to deal with all of this because I have never seen them to care about me as much as they did for my brother. Maybe because of this I have never really cared about school but now I see that it was a mistake too, maybe the first mistake I have done, the root of others. I once had a girlfriend and a best friend, but I found out one day that they were talking about me from my back and after some time I found out that they were meeting from my back. Now I know that she had sex with my best friend more than she had with me. All our life we have to choose and we are here now because all our choices until now are responsible for making us to write this post. I believe in God and I believe that someday he is going to put us in the right path. I know it's hard, I know you can get out of your mind and it seems that you're not living the right life. Trust me I understand you perfectly BUT you have to stay positive. You know what makes me not going out of my mind completely and what really helps me? The thought that there are other people who have absolutely NOTHING, but I mean NOTHING! They don't have where to sleep, they don't have what to eat and what to drink. The most important thing now is to NOT give up because we're still having a chance to change everything! This is not the end of the world, we're having something from which we could start again. We have to stay strong and to find that something that is making us to do something to change this mess. We have to take all that experience we're been thru and we have to make it into something more and better. Think about that.

 

[dwaye11]

I’ve suffered from this. I’ve been through a similar scenario. I’ve literally went completely insane. I do remember what I was feeling and approximately, what I was thinking about. This was horrible. I also had psychotic episodes and blackouts. This isn’t funny at all. Doctors told me that this is what happens when you’re depressed for a long time, long enough time to get all I got. I got professional help only months later. It’s an experience I don’t want to ever have it again. it was even painful. Nobody could help me because I was frightened by all account by everybody. I just couldn’t stay in a room with someone. I don’t wish to anybody to go through such an experience. However, in the end, it was worth the doctor’s trying despite my frightening experience. That is why I recommend you to seek for help immediately until it is not too late and you’re going to get as bad as I was then. Trust me I do know what I’m talking about and if you reach a certain point, all your thoughts, feelings and in general your brain changes and most of these changes won’t change back to the previous stage. And the more your brain is being changed the harder is going to be for you to return to normal. Anyway, returning completely back to normal is almost impossible. That’s because I’m almost sure that I won’t return to the same I was. So much time passed already but still… it’s been 3 years now and I’m still not the previous person and as I said, I know that I will never be. I’m just trying to make things better and not worse. I’m trying not to be the previous person but maybe a better one. Anyway, what happened then changed me, forever.

 

I strongly recommend you to try and find out the real source of your depression, try to ask this question: why are you unhappy? And try to make things done. A very important is to understand that you need help and to go and seek it. Don’t worry about other people labeling you because the fact that you admitted that you need help proved that you have balls. You really need to take care of yourself because if you never will then things won’t ever get better by themselves. You just need to do it. This won’t be easy and it won’t it won’t happen fast but someday, you WILL be better if you want it and you’ll try to do so. Just by reading your post, I can say that you’re strong and a fairly intelligent person. I know by my experience that there is going to be some times when you will think that you’ve made absolutely no progress but it’s not true. If you tried then you’ve made some. A little bit, but there would be. You need to focus on getting better, like it’s your job. Your job is to get better. You said that there’s no point living then what you have to lose in trying to get better?

 

[Vordy]

Don’t be angry, sad or negative. I do know what are you feeling because long time ago I was also suffering from depression and I do know how bad it can be. I also know that there are days, weeks or even months in our lives that they suck so bad… I know that it seems that nothing can help you but there is! Everything has some solutions and trust me your problems has too! I’m sure that you should to a psychologist and he might be able to help you, even if he won’t then there are medications for problems as you guys have. When I was depressed I knew and I admitted that I need help and  the docs helped me. Know I’m feeling fine and I am feeling fine for a long time now. the doc also told me: everybody has depression, it depends only on you how bad you let it to be!