Mammogram and depression

[litalta]

Hello girls… I have had a mammogram exactly one week ago, no big deal, had one 3 years ago when I have been 46 years old, and that's only because our local NHS just wanted to test a few random women that are under 50 years old for mammograms, and so I have went along 3 years ago - late 2013/ early 2014, 2 weeks later I have got my result for that and everything was just fine. so well, then again, at the age of 49 (3 years later after that), they have send me in for it once again, however the mammogram place it is right near me in our little community hospital, which it is a mobile screening unit. I am living in only a small town…

 

so well, a few days ago I have went… I walked along to that mobile breast screening unit I told you about and got another mammogram, however this time it was a bit different as they sent me a letter, I've got that letter today and there they tell me that they've made an appointment in order to have some other further X rays just to look more closely at an area seen on my screening x ray, or a change that I have reported to them. well… one sure thing is that I have reported to them absolutely no changes and I do know it for sure. I've tried to check my boobs and I have felt no lumps… I mean, I can't be sure like that but from as much I could feel - I don't have any lumps.
they want me to go to a hospital in another town and they told me to be there at 9 AM, but in order to get there I need to get a train and then to get a bus to reach that hospital and plus to that, I have absolutely no idea where I am exactly going… even though they have sent me a map I do know that there are other navigation services nowadays which are better than a map… like for example, simply the google maps.

 

so now… the point that I'm trying to make here is… I really don't know whether I want to take this any further than this… this is because I already have a bad depression, and even though we all know cancer is horrible… it could be my ticket out and that's because I have almost committed suicide the last year… I was really close to take my own life… I have collected a good 'cocktail' of different and many drugs and I have done a lot of researches on suicide. I have informed myself a lot about it, but in the end it has turned out that this just bull sh!t. but then later my GP has told me that the drugs are not going to kill me they are most likely going to make me feel even worse and that's it… so that's why I have never dared to take them, but I remember how close I was to do it…

 

plus to that… I have been near to death one more time… it was when I have been 6 months old and that's because of an really really bad pneumonia I got then. of course I can't remember anything of that, but my parents told me… those doctors warned my parents that I have quite good chances that I am not going to make through that night… however I did made it through, after I've got loads of antibiotics and loads of oxygen! either it is because of this thing or not… that was not the end as it continued like that for a really long time… I mean, I was just keep on getting constant bronchitis until I have been around 5 years old… and yeah.. that's not all, now I do smoke and so I am having COPD too…

 

I have a lot of other things to be worried about… I really want so damn hard to escape all of this austerity… as I said, there are LOTS of other worries that I should pay attention to… like for example I am not getting on with my family anymore now, I am also having valium addiction (75 mg) and I need to wean off it plus withdrawals and also some other drug problems as well… as you can see… I have enough of them. but if this is not enough then I can say also that I am also having borderline personality disorder and maybe even possible ADHD plus C PTSD as well and more importantly than all of it… I think that all of those resources the NHS spend on a really deep depressed person like me, who does not even want to live, could be spent on some poor woman out there who really does have cancer and who is really desperate to live and doesn't think of suicide as I do.

 

even though my mother has been horrible with me when I was in the throes of mental illness during the Christmas 2 years ago (in late 2015) calling me being selfish and so on and so forth, I have emailed her and I've told her, purely cos my aunty, cousin, and some of my great aunties have had breast cancer. I have told her for her sake, for my sister's sakes as well as for my nieces and remaining aunties sakes.

 

in addition to all of it, I am on HRT and I have also heard that women with breast cancer need to have HRT and to go through some very terrible chemo, and for me… I just want to be fully honest here, is simply not worth it. not on the top of all of my other worries (I should say that I have not mentioned everything in my post here as I am also having other worries as well), and that is why I am feeling like this can be my time to finally shuffle this mortal coil. I honestly just can't understand why they simply won't let me go back to the mobile breast screening unit in this small town where I am living? it is so much more easier for me! why they have told me that I need to go to that big hospital in another city which is so damn hard to reach it? I am not having a transport to get there, but even if I would then I doubt I am allowed drive like this. the thing is that I am not being able to go out by train or/ and bus without using opiates and that's due to the fact that I am getting a panic attack and my borderline is getting triggered and if this does happen then only god can know what can happen after that… if I am losing my shit!

 

the thing is… you know… I really do not care if I am having cancer.. I do know what this means but still… honestly… I would be much more of a burden if I was to continue to live coming off 75 mg of valium addiction… and also all of the rest problems that I am having, than if I had cancer… who knows, if I really had cancer, I might even make it up to my mother before I died and so I would open up to her more about the real troubles that I have with my flat, which to be honest, I really have no wish to talk about it at the current moment and that's due to the fact that I think it might trigger me into a mental health crisis. so well, why do they want me to go to that big hospital which is so far away from me and is so hard for me to go in there taking in consideration that we are having a mobile breast screening unit right here, under my nose… and it is so easy for me to get in there. isn't the same? aren't the results going to be exactly the same? I guess I just should say that quality of life over quantity it is much more important for me.

 

so… I am not even sure why I wrote this off… just thanks for letting me do this and I'm sorry if this bothered you.

 

[Suffes]

OP, I'm sorry but you may say that you do not care if you have or not cancer and to think that even if you do have it then this is your 'ticket out' or whatever else in this matter, however even so I think that this is much more a case of something that is easily said before than after because if you do find out that you really do have it (which I hope with all my heart that you don't) then you aren't going think the same, even if you would say it again.

 

what I am trying to say with that is that if you did or ever do have cancer (again, which I hope you're not), I don't only think, but I even know that you are going to change your mind about truly thinking that in the end of it, it is not that bad of thing. you mentioned quality of life over quantity. I so agree with you about this. and only by saying that you already made us understand that in the end, you do not want to have cancer. nobody wants to. and you know why? have you got at least any idea at all of how much pain and suffering the victims of cancers needs to get through? no you don't, at least not personally, and neither do I (thanks to god!) and that's because personally we have not had that and needless to say, I would really not wish to ever find it out from personal experience, nor I wish for anybody else ever to find it out from experience and trust me… neither should you find out about it… that's not any kind of ticket and that's not a salvation or anything in that matter. cancer is death, but prior to death is a lot of suffering for lots of people around you, and including you as well.

 

what I am trying to say is that to me, we are able to see only from the 'outside' of how much pain and suffering a cancer victim is going through. we see only the 'top of an iceberg' if you know what I mean, and I really do not see how, even from only seeing that and not a first hand knowledge, how you could actually feel that it might be a good option for you, a good thing, a 'ticked' out for you. even if you do want to get some 'tickets' out, then cancer, trust me, is by far not the best option.

 

so well, now I guess I just should say this and I'm sorry if this somehow offends you or anything… but as much as you are doing your endless tapering plan from your valium or whichever else medication addiction and that's in order to avoid any little bit of pain then I should tell you… there is abslutely no way that you persoally could handle the pain of cancer and the pain of it's treatment! and plus to that I think then, after the fact, you really would change your mind about this whole thing, about the entire situation.

 

I honestly think that now you are just watching at this entire situation in the complete wrong light right now… and maybe I am the only who is wrong here, but I have really big doubts about it. plus I think that you're gonna change your mind, as I said it earlier. another thing which makes me think like that is plainly the fact that you came here writing all of this. if it wouldn't be like that, if you wouldn't care - you wouldn't write. maybe it doesn't seem like 'looking for help' but we know that this post of yours actually is a scream of help!

 

[Pantoja]

I'm just so so sorry that you have to get through all of that hassle. it really seems to me that all of your hassles shouldn't happen to a person because that's already too much and I think that when such things happen, it is obvious that you are in depression and that you are searching for help. you REALLY need help even if you don't realize this. however, there's one thing that I am sure and it is that you shouldn't give up.

 

I've also wanted to say that callbacks are very and very common as well as 90 % of them all are still normal so you shouldn't be worried about it. I mean, I also have had callbacks a lot of times in all my mammogram history and I was fine each time. either way, it is definitely your call… you've asked why they asked you to go to another centre… well I guess we all know the answer and it is surely not that they simply want you to get somewhere else for no reason… most likely it is that your local equipment simply may not be as 'sophisticated' and this could explain why they want you to go to check somewhere else. maybe the equipment in the other city shows the results with a much bigger precise rate or maybe it shows some results that the local equipment can't. either way, I am quite sure that this is for your own well being so I would suggest you to go there somehow.. obviously, it is still no fun to worry about this and I'm sorry that it is so hard for you to reach that place… but I hope you would somehow and I hope you're going to be fine. anyhow, I wish you all the best wishes to you in whatever you are choosing.

 

[Julieta]

Hi litalta, just want to say that I am really sorry to hear about all of those problems you have now and to be honest, when a person is dealing with all of this and with such problems… I can understand how you might want to simply give up as sometimes it seems that it is the easiest way to go. and yeah, reading your post carefully it does seem too me as you do have quite a number of problems that you might want to get some help with, however I just want to say that even with the travel involved, going for a follow up mammogram at a larger hospital it is surely a good and positive step that you could take and begin with. I've always thought and felt that it is much more better to know exactly what you are dealing with and after that, to decide how you want to address that or another issue as soon as you know the exact cause. if you don't know then you simply can't just assume and go further with an assumption. honestly… if you don't really know what you are dealing with then trust me, you simply don't know what are your options and what exactly you need to do and so you are also only putting some extra burden on yourself which you don't want to… I hope you're going to understand this and you're going to take the right decision which I hope a lot that it would be helpful to you.

 

so well, first off, I just can guess that they would want you to follow up at the larger centre due to the fact that you most likely have had a screening mammogram that has showed something that needs follow up and in which they can't be sure what's that exactly without some extra testing. and now, this is the point - they can't do the extra testing at your local center so that's why they asked you to go somewhere else, somewhere where they can do it. so, then, they are going to do a diagnostic mammogram that is going to give them different views and some more information. and after that, just in case they do see at least anything that they would think it requires to be looked at it more closely, then most likely they are going to do an ultrasound. just in case there is a lump (and yeah, I do understand that you've checked your breasts and you couldn't find any - but this still doesn't mean that there aren't some smaller ones that you just can't feel) that is going to tell them almost for sure that if it is a tumor it only a cyst that is, in most cases, nothing to be worried about. they are just recommending what it needs to be done in order to check it out and just in case there is indeed a problem that needs to be addressed, then you are still safe because they can catch it at its earliest stages and when caught earlier it is nearly always treatable. having that all said - you are going to be 99.9% safe but only if you go and check yourself and that center they told you to go to.

 

how I know all of this?! 2 months ago my sister has passed away because she had breast cancer and my mother also died and also because of breast cancer but this was 10 years ago. whichever the case - I've been there with both of them, I've seen both of them and I do know what they went through and that's why I can tell you with 100% precise… trust me it, it is by far not an easy death if you are just thinking that this is an easy way out, or as you have said, your 'ticket out'. if searching for 'tickets out' cancer is, IMO, one of the worst ideas you can have and the reason is that I do know that people committing suicide (or at least thinking of suicide) are doing/ thinking of it because they are in sufferings and they just want to end them. being happy or at least ignorant that you might have cancer won't give you less suffering but in fact, it would give you A LOT much more of them. you simply just don't know what you are talking about.. my sister has been struggling extremely horrible at the end! the pain that you have from it is just excruciating and that's because the cancer is spreading throughout your entire body and you are having pains everywhere. it spreads to your organs, brain, bones etc. etc. and anywhere the cancer is located - pain is accompanied! later on her lungs were filled with fluids and so needed to be pumped out 3 or 4 times per day. you think that's an easy call?

 

and yeah, of course, regardless of how much I am going to talk here, all of those are only your decisions and nothing more, however do think this through and decide if spending a day to find out what it is going on while you are still having some options it is definitely not a reasonable thing to do. now… it is obvious that I don't know how exactly your personal health care is working etc. however I still can guess that there just MUST be help for you with this one and with your depression as well. there are tons of organizations and people trying to help people with such kind of conditions like cancer, depression, alcoholism and a few others. since you have cancer and depression I'm sure that you would be given help and I'm sure that you can do better but nobody can change it except you. leaving it all like that isn't a smart idea, trust me and instead, you should go and ask for help - with your conditions I'm quite sure you're going to be given some!

 

[ninaflemming]

having follow ups after the initial mammogram screening is, I guess, the most common thing ever. I mean, I have no idea how you've went through mammograms in the past and haven't had a follow up. I always have follow ups after the initial mammogram screening and that's just fine. in fact, all my friends who has ever had mammograms tell the same - they always have follow ups. I have no idea why exactly they require it, maybe just to be sure, or maybe there are other reasons, not sure, but whichever the case - I doubt you should be worried, but I also doubt that you should leave it unaddressed. but yeah, I do remember my first time getting the follow up, yeah, it was a little bit scary so I do understand you… when they require a follow up after the initial mammogram screening it is an normal thing to start thinking that they required it because there is something wrong - but this is not true. as I said, maybe there is another reason behind it, but I am thinking that they are just looking at it in order to make sure that it is remaining the same as it was. also, they need to do an ultrasound each time… and yeah, to be honest, I do wish that they would simply just schedule me for that instead of starting with the initial process…

 

but anyway. as I have already said it earlier, this is one very common thing to be asked to go back for some further diagnostics, it always happens to me, however you should remember that this is for your own health… only for you. going there you aren't making your doctor happier/ healthier… you do know this… that's why… please, just go and follow through on this, you need it, you really need it so please, do it. going in there, after it all, you are not going to be sitting around and adding that to all of your other worries which as much as I can see - you have enough, I don't see how you want to have something else. first step is to go there, be sure that everything is alright, and then start treating your depression. I really hope that you're going to be fine, you've already suffered too much in my opinion, now it is the time for you to get help…

 

[pecita]

litalta hello. just want to say that I have been getting mammograms every single year (yearly mammogram check up) since I have been 40 years old. all of them came back fine and it has not been until just 2 years ago that I have received my very first letter which was stating that I had to come back for getting more imaging. well… since I've got so many mammograms and none of them asked me to come back for more imaging and then, out of a sudden, I was asked to - yeah… I really freaked out a lot and I do know what you are feeling and what you are thinking. in fact, as you can see, all women who posted here said the same. I don't know why, but as you can see, the first time when you are being asked to come back after you've got a mammogram is quite scaring. as it has been said above by someone else - that's because you automatically assume that you have something, that something is wrong, which is not true. another thing which has been mentioned earlier is… the exact reason why they are having you to go to hospital or to a larger center it is that, obviously, they have advanced equipment in there so this way they could get better imaging and so to find out that you're all fine. I do know that you knew it yourself as well, and I think that the reason you've asked that is because you just wanted to get some answers that would make you think that going in there isn't important, but I tell you - it is important! exactly as ninaflemming, I also have to have an ultrasound in the addition to the high powered imaging that they are doing, not sure why, just guess that ultrasound is showing it all much better… you've gotta know that the breast tissue can change over some time and in the time that it surely doesn't mean that anything in wrong in there (even though there might be, which even more important to go in there), it is really very worth to get checked and to follow it up - again, especially if you have something because  as it has been mentioned - catching it at an earlier stage is easy to cure it, rather than later. as much as I can understand… I am having an extremely dense breast tissue that over some time has made regular imaging to be quite difficult for the radiologist to see and I either am wrong or not but it seems that it is getting denser over the time… now, my doctor is automatically having me to get the additional imaging done all in the same day because he does know that they would need them, so in this way I won't spend twice as time getting to the hospital etc. I do it all in one day. and what's even better is that where I am going, I spend twice as less time because they are giving me the results before I am even leaving the hospital.

 

[litalta]

hey Suffes, thanks for answering. gotta say (better said that I should admit…) that I do not have absolutely any idea of how much people who get cancer are suffering, in fact I didn't even know that they are getting pains at all, not talking that they get so much pain… all I knew is that cancer is a black tumor which is developed and is slowly killing you if not treated/ removed. had no idea that it kills you in pains. I am just very depressed right now and I am anxious all the time continuously and I have no idea what I should do in order to deal with all of this… honestly… I am now just worried about the fact that the valium that I am currently using is stronger/ more potent than those ones that the real doctors are going to give to me. gotta say that I am also still having a really bad diarrhea from the under dosing that I did, and that is why I need to stabilize before I am going to start on tapering down… that's because foods just going through me and I am losing weight now… lot of weight very quickly… and yeah, I've gotta say that I do know it is the benzos, that's because I have halved my dosage once again just a few weeks ago and I do know this plays an important role here, and got the diarrhea back, put the dosage back u and I have started a taper at 5 mg cut a few days ago. I'm not really sure if it has taken any effect, I just hope that the cut did already taken at least some effect… I am saying this because I have heard that it can take anywhere up to about 21 days or so. not sure if that's true or not… I've just heard about this a few times from fellow tranquilizer support group members at a group that I have attend recommended by the drugs team… so in about 2 weeks if I am not going to feel any worse/ iller then I am going to be much less worried and yeah, also, one of the most important things for me now.. I just can't wait for this so annoying diarrhea to go away now.

 

also, just wanted to say… pecita, I have went on some other forum that was specifically for 'ladies' issues and they have reassured me that the recall has been only due to the fact that the scan has not been properly done which means that they just need to get a proper image and look at it carefully, they said that most likely they've done it because of this and not because there is anything in my boob (and I did told them that I've checked very carefully to see if there are any lumps in). I should say here that I am a little bit disappointed by everything… that's due to the fact that I have no wish to live much longer as a spinster with absolutely no family support and mental illness… plus to it all I'm also reducing NHS service availability which, as I have said in my previous post, doesn't seem to be fair for a woman who is struggling and is desperate to live! plus to that… I am also being really worried that when I am going to get my proper valium script, the proper pills that they give me are going to be weaker than those ones that I have been getting from a popular email vendor known on here, however I am not going to mention who exactly since it is against rules.

 

[Lauren Cartledge]

oh yes, litalta. I do know what you are talking about as exactly the same thing has happened to me as well! I have had one come back with a possibly abnormal area and so, I have went to a larger hospital which is like about 45 minutes away where they had advanced equipment. as you can see… exactly the same situation as you had. but I have had to go in there, to that larger hospital to get the results. quite sure because of the same reason they send you in there… more advanced equipment. so I'm sure that you must go as well. when I've been there, they have done an ultrasound it has showed to be all normal! they have repeated it a few times that same appt. and nothing has been found in there (thankfully). but anyway, I already knew that this procedure is fairly common in women and especially in women that are in the range of 40 - 50 years old (or maybe older as well). plus, I've seen someone saying that they are going to get the mammogram once every year… well, it seems this is common as well since my doctor also wants me to have one every year since I have and earlier menopause than I should have and I am on HRT for like about 7 or nearly 8 years right now so that's quite a long time. plus to that, since I am having no children and I am approximately 25 or so lbs overweight (25 lbs more than I should have)…  it is all putting me at a higher risk. so I should just get the mammogram yearly and now I do know that they are going to ask me to repeat the test  after initial mammogram…

 

[Suffes]

hello litalta once again… gotta say that I have been trying to avoid this thread after I have had my first post in there due to the fact that it is quite obvious that I am not having a bit of knowledge to share here when it is coming to your women's private medical procedures like mammograms and things like that since I am not a doctor and I am a male… so since I wasn't much (in fact, at all) experienced - didn't wanted to say anything else.

 

however, since you have answered back to me and since we are not discussing specifically about that stuff ONLY, and we are also talking about you specifically and about your depression I've got to say that I do feel fine to respond back (esp. since I DO have at least some experience with depression).

 

so well, first on, I do know that you have no idea how much of a pain is having a cancer victim and generally how much suffering this person is enduring and trust me, neither do I which I am really thankful for. as I said it in my first post, I would never wish to find this out and I wish that neither would you. I also knew that you didn't know about this in general since you were talking like that. anyhow, I am very sure now that those who do know are the ones who have battled with it, and trust me… if you were ever one of those people then you surely would never want to be them once again, if that's possible at all. anyway, at least you've got this information right now and you know, just hoping you won't be finding it out from experience, as I already said it. I honestly don't wish such dire things to come down on you… that's because you are just making it sound like you do want to punish yourself with whatever the worst situation you could put yourself in…

 

also I want to say that I do believe your diagnosis, that you do have infantilism and that it is from your childhood treatment, however you just should not carry it onward and to take up for your family where they have left off. you've got to let it go, you really should let them go, remember that this is your life, and you are the only person who can live it, who should live it and who should do everything right. there isn't going to be anyone who would make a change but you in your life…

 

also, I am quite sure now that your bowel issues are being irritated, to say the least, from those medications under dose and I am quite sure that this is annoying and maybe seem to be hard to deal with… however what I am trying to say is that it is still a far cry from what you would be need to deal with just in case you were fighting cancer… I have a feeling that what you were dealing with this now would seem like flowers compared to deal with cancer.

 

well, just want to say that from my point of view, I do think that you seem to be overly worried so much about the tiniest variance in your tapering drugs and you've been so worried now (and I guess for a good while now) that it has become already a phobia for you, some kind of an obsession or something, and that a lot of those different reactions you are getting from such minimal amounts of fluctuation are due to the fact that in your mind it has to happen. in your mind a tenth of a mg difference only has to throw you off (big time), so you believe it does and then act accordingly to that - that's natural, that's normal to happen. but it won't as soon as you would change something.

 

anyway, as hard or as bad as it might sound I still should tell you… warn you… on the thing that this is never going to end for you due to the fact that every answer is going to also become something to scrutinize and then turn into something new to be worried about (it's always like that) and the new plan is just going to be exactly as stressful for you as the last one, as the 2 plans back and so on and so forth. as long as you are not going to accept things, accept NEW things and accept that you should change something and that it can't go like that anymore, then nothig would be changed, trust me.

 

and so, now that you do know that this is you and you, of course, know who you are, then you can do things in some different ways just in case you are going to force yourself to do those differnet  things. you're not gonna do them as long as you won't put an effort. in fact, people in general are like that. they can't do new/ different things unless they push themselves to or something happens to literally push them to those changes/ different things. talking about your situation specifically I just want to say that initially, you should be forcing yourself to treat yourself in a nice way, at least for a little bit once in a while and as soon as you do this - take it from there, from the beginning as this is the 'start' for you. treating yourself at least a bit better would make a big change in your life and I'm sure about that. it would make a big impact on your depression as well! but as far as your need for your family support then I'm quite sure about one thing… if you have made it 50 years without any of their help then I am damn sure that you can do it further without it! in fact, I am even surer that you can do it even better without them since they were only hurting you all the way along your life… you have still have made it to be this long, and that is why I really do not think that you need absolutely any of their help, any kind of family support to go onward on you and upward in your life. you would need them if they would be 'real' good family who wants to help and who HELP, instead of hurting you continously. getting rid of such kind of relationship is going to be helpful IMO. again, I wouldn't be saying all of this, but since it is from the same family issues that you have gotten those abuse problems from. trust me (as I am sure) that you are able to do it all on your own… there are just a lot of some great people have and do every single day. as far as for the mental illness then you should know that there are a lot of people who have some form of it in one form or anther and that's just fine. we all have it, at least most people, and we are still going through our (their) lives with it, and we are all just doing fine. we fight with it daily and we still go forward. if you are telling that you do not feel normal… there really is not one normal if thinking about it for a bit… all of us, each one of us is different! we're all humans but we are all different and we are all our own person! that's important to be taken in consideration IMO!

 

just gotta say that I do know that I am far from normal myself either, I likely have some mental issues myself either and I do know it. however I am still fine with that and I am still trying to live a happy life. I do understand that there might be some problems that simply don't allow you to live this happy life and they should be addressed, what I am trying to say is that we're all having mental issues! sure thing is sure… you need to have to let the past go and to finally start on living for yourself and for your OWN future! and yeah… trust me that you CAN do that! I do know very well that you can, however I think that you just need to want to do so, and of course, as I said, to push yourself a bit.

 

instead, I would recommend you to try to find something positive out of things in life instead of all of the negatives… anybody that is completely negative on life is going to be stressed and is going to be completely anxious about all the things and life in general. push yourself to change this! I know one sure thing… you shouldn't ever give up on yourself alone and then it can all work out for you extremely well, but that's just if you are going to do that! either this helps or not I am not sure, but I hope a lot!

 

[Yousbabtle888]

hey there all. gotta say that I have had several close family members who fight with cancer (2 of which were patients of breast cancer) and from as much as I have noticed - it has been both painful and really stressful for each one of them, for all of them! in fact, it was so hard for them to deal with this that 3 of them have been prescribed anti depressants and anti anxiety medications (and I do know that this is due to this situation with cancer because they had never needed any of them prior and never showed any signs that they would ever need) and for one person out of them all, that battle has lasted approximately 5 years or so. for the 4 of them that have survived their cancers (so far) the big worry that it is going to come back is always present in their minds and I do understand them, I do understand that why etc. I'm not trying to scare anybody but rather to warn you that if you are already having a battle with depression and with anxiety then I think that most likely you are going to find those being amplified by a cancer diagnosis and treatment and as much as sorry I am about this - unfortunately that's the truth. this is why I just want to say this so you should be prepared, at least emotionally, for this. ultimately medical treatment (just in case this is what it is coming down to) it is your own choice only. I am sorry if this does nothing good for you, however I only wanted to provide you with my perspective as a care taker to loved ones who have cancer, a person who tried to support and do the best to take care of persons with cancer. hoping this is gonna help you out.