My bipolar boyfriend pushed me away

MargareT

New member

I know my boyfriend for more than 3 years now and I didn’t expected that soon we won’t be so close anymore. At the beginning when I found that he has the bipolar disorder I swore that I will be with him and I’ll help him with everything I can to pass over everything.  Since the first day he always was confident and he told me about all the things that happened to him during the day. I loved the fact that he always told me everything that happened and want was wrong, I knew what I need to do and what I shouldn’t do. He always has had his highs and lows (I guess as anyone of us) but all the time he was able to pass over it and I guess that I was the person that helped him to feel better, at least I hope so. I noticed that something started to change 3 weeks ago. He always was happy and he called me all the day, we were happy and he was very glad that we talked all the time about our future and about our plans. 3 weeks ago something changed and he got a bit distant, don’t know what happened but what I am sure is that he never was like this. That day I thought that he was a little bit frustrated and tired so that’s why he behave like this…. But the next day was the same and all the next week. He still messaged me when he need it and we talked but I noticed very well that there was something wrong, he behave like he didn’t wanted to tell me everything that happened to him as if he is hiding something from me. I thought that I have to let him stay a little bit alone, maybe he just needed some space, I didn’t wanted to bore him. The week passed the same without any changes. He messaged me however, every time I could see that increasingly less than how it was at the beginning.

 

Then there was some days when he didn’t replied to my messages or my calls. I talked about this situation with his parents and they explained me that during the last weeks he started to change very much with them too so it’s definintely not something in me only.. His mom was worried about the fact that he always shout at her for reasons that she don’t understand. Later, when something definitely went wrong we decided to talk to him, so we all together sat him down and tried to speak with him about his situation. We told him that we are worried about what’s happening to him, however, as a response the only thing that we received was hysterical situations and howling. I expected that he won’t believe us and won’t listen to us, but I didn’t expect that he will scream at me and his parents. I’m very worried that I’ll lose him now… I never saw him like this before and I don’t know how to act. I’m so frustrated because before this situation he always told me how much he loves me and that he want to be with me all his life. Now I hear just that don’t know how to act and I feel that he now don’t want do anything with me. I stopped talking to him and sincerely I think that is my fault that I stopped talking to him more. But I think that this is due to one reason, honestly, I’m a little bit afraid to talk with him. It always was hard to understand him and the hardest thing was to help him to pass over all the critical moments during the day. Now, I don’t know what to do… I really tried to speak with him about everything and I never wanted to make him feel guilty but I feel like it doesn’t matter to him. Every time I explain to him something or I’m asking him for something he just don’t reply to me, like I said nothing.. This thing makes me very angry but I try to control myself.. I know that’s wrong because I have to understand that this is a disease and that this is not his fault… but every time I ask myself if I can live with such a man... Yes, I love him and respect him but I feel like I’m not able to take care of him and to endure his behaviors. I see how his mother act and how bad does she feel … and I suddenly start to imagine myself living side by side to such a person and it’s seems crazy to me.

 

There are other days when I just reflect about the entire situation and I understand that I can’t live without him and that I’ll pass through everything for him because despite everything that happened I still love him. He always was a little bit closed from the world. His philosophy was a quite negative one and all his thought were a little bit disadvantageous for his health and in general about everything, he was more pessimistic and I thought that it is my duty to help him be more optimistic. He doesn’t have many friends just 2 or 3 and he is not so sociable. He always said that “best friend” is 2 words that for him don’t exist, in fact he always thought that if there is somebody that is kind and nice to him this means that they need something from him. When I first met him I noticed all this things and it was very hard to get his confidence. Now, I feel that I lose his confidence again. It’s hard to explain... I feel guilty about the entire situation, he was happy because I’ve always been there for him and I always helped him and I still try doing it, but it’s hard.

 

Today was the strangest day during these 3 years that I know him.. He was angry for no reason and I tried to calm him down with many different things but nothing worked. He yelled on me without any explanation and in this moment I felt like I’m hopeless. These 3 weeks passed very hard. I’m very confused now and I’m really scared about not losing him. I don’t know what to do now, to speak with him or just to let him go. It’s hard to understand what does he want, to be alone or maybe he doesn’t know how to explain to me that I have to help him? What should I do?

 

This is a very strange situation, I want to tell him how much I love him but I’m confused … sometimes I think that he act like this because he wants to tell me now that he want to break up with me. I hope that I’m wrong because I really don’t want to lose him. I feel like I’m the enemy now and the only thing that I can do is to shut up and to wait till the situation will become easier to manage. I hope that he really loves me and that soon I’ll find the way to fix the entire situation. If there is somebody that has had the same thing please reply. I need a little support and some recommendations

 

Anne K.

New member

Hey, don’t worry this is not your fault, trust me. I live with my husband more than 10 years and he always has suffered from this disorder. There always have been situations when he felt bad being totally a different person but then everything started to be okay like nothing happened.  I remember that the most critical period was more than 3 months when he decided to stop talking to me. I thought that I’m going to become crazy. I felt alone and every day I had to pass over quarrels, howls, weeping and other things. And trust me you don’t have to feel guilty about the fact that you feel that you can’t do this anymore. I was thinking about divorce many times but after some days I always recollected all my thoughts and always remembered that in fact it’s not his fault and that this is a disease that doesn’t want to let him go. I’m so sorry about my husband situation and about your boyfriend but you know I understand what you feel. Now after 30 years I can clearly say that I’m ready to support all the things that are going to happen to my husband. I decided that it will be better to live with him than living without him when I thought about divorce. The only thing is to decide. Trust me nobody is going to do this for you. If you feel that you’ll not be.

 
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