My gf is always over eating and I need to help her

[Blacks]

Hi all. I need help. in fact I don’t, my girlfriend does. And I’m here to find an answer on how I can do that. my current girlfriend  is constantly overeating and lately I’m becoming more and more worried for her health!

 

Well, I need to start by saying that when we have met each other she has been in an awesome physical condition. She is now 5’7” and she is 23 years old (when we met she was 22). The point is that when we have met she has been about 125-130 pounds and she has been very toned. However, the problem is now that she is about 145-150 pounds and the most of her weight it is stored around her stomach and on her arms. she is having a very small frame and she is now surely looking overweight at her weight of 145-150 pounds. This has not all happened within a month, but I still think that this is too much in only one year. Of course I don’t know what kind of lifestyle she has been having before we have met but in this year that we know each other I see that her physical health and condition is decreasing pretty fast. I really don’t know as to why this is happening but she is getting very little exercise (she is only going jogging about one or maximum 2 times per month) and she is literally stuffing herself at nearly every meal! Besides, she is always having some candy or/and donuts or/and other very unhealthy foods when she is working throughout the day. I have briefly mentioned a few times that she is eating very unhealthy foods and that she should stop doing it if she wants to be healthy and good looking, however, I really don’t want to tell her more or to point out the amount of food (especially unhealthy ones) that she is eating because I’m pretty sure this is going to upset her and I have no intentions of doing that. what concerns me is that it does not seem to concern her at all that she has gained so much weight and that she continues doing so.

 

I’m truly getting crazy about this girl, I like her so much… however, her healthy behavior is already getting out of hand… and she doesn’t bother about it. besides the fact that she is obviously (by far) not so attractive as she used to be, but she also seem to be getting more and more lethargic with each day and it is either me paranoid or that’s true – she is eating more and more daily. I’m pretty sure that if she is not going to do anything about that then soon this is going to get out of control completely! Is there something that I can do or to tell her so I could bring her back to her previous ideal weight? I did talked a bit with her and I convinced her to get a physical but even though her doc told her that she is a little bit overweight, he also mentioned that there is nothing worry about… I’m pretty shocked. As much as I know, docs tend to perfection and if there’s something “out of balance, out of normal range, out of control, too little or too big or too much or less than normal” then they try to bring in all back to perfection. I’ve been thinking that this doc is going to try to help her to achieve her previous ideal weight. But no… she has gained about 20 pounds or so within a year with no letup in sight.

 

Please don’t get me wrong. I do understand that I’m not perfect but I’m in a pretty good shape myself as I am eating fairly healthy (I do eat unhealthy food but generally try to avoid it and I do avoid it much better than she does) and I am going to gym at least 3 times a week (sometimes more). I did tried to invite her to the gym to come with me and told her that I would help her with everything I can. but she always refuses it. I have also tried to talk about her (as I said) about her eating some healthier foods and to avoid some of the unhealthy ones, however, she is always acting as if I am a jerk for it and as if she’s the one doing everything right and that I am the one who need to change my lifestyle.

 

As I said, she does not even seem to care about it, she is not depressed and doesn’t want to do anything about that but I don’t know what I need to do to help her. the only option that it seems to be left for me is to have a very serious talk about this and to nearly force her not to eat unhealthy foods and to go to gym. As you can understand, chances are that it will work, but more chances is that she is simply going to tell me *f**k off*. Once again, don’t understand me wrong, I really don’t want her to push so hard that she would develop some kind of eating disorder or something in this matter, but I really think that she needs to do some changes about her eating habits and general lifestyle. What I really cannot understand is why she needs to stuff herself until she is having a stomach ache at every meal?? This just doesn’t seem to be right. what’s killing me is that she even admits that she is not even hungry, however, halfway through the meal she is ordering even more food and can even eat off from my plate. I really don’t think that this is how a girl should eat. It is worrying me a lot that she is always having a snack on nearly anything that it is laying around. How it is possible for me to make her realize that she is really having a problem that we (mostly she) need to take care off.

 

Is there somebody who can give me some suggestions on how I need to do that? please? I really care for her and I don’t want to leave her only because she has a problem. we are together and when there’s a problem I want to help. at least I’m going to try doing so.

 

[Garofalo]

Wow. I don’t know man… maybe she just really likes food and really likes to eat? I am not an expert or anything so I have no idea but this could be a disorder, no? I mean, I think that there is a disorder making you to want to eat even when you are full and you can’t stop. Dunno… I guess that she would have to talk with a doc about this situation. If she really has a disorder then she needs help but if she doesn’t and she keeps eating that way then.. I don’t know… as I said… maybe she just really likes food…

 

[Cournine]

I’m not an expert either but I need to say that this, in most cases, means one of the 2 things I’m going to explain. The first one is that she is, in fact, unhappy but she is just really good at covering it all up. especially if you’re not living together. Very often this is leading girls to excessive consumption of nutrient deficient foods or you could also call them: “comfort foods”. We all know that when a girl is hurt, in most of the cases what she’s doing? Right, she eats. And she doesn’t eat salad. The second one is that she has done and is doing what a lot of women are doing… they are working out pretty hard and they are dieting while they are single so in this way they could attract a male and after that, after she got you, she got comfortable and she’s not working out and dieting so much… and also, this comfort stage is progressing as time is moving forward… so, in the end there’s really nothing left for you to do than to seriously talk with her. you would either break up with her or have a serious talk or in time you are going to be dating a… let’s say a big girl. She should know that relationships are taking work because it is a hard work of maintaining attraction, of maintaining trust, of understanding, respect etc. etc etc. if she wants to be happy in the relationship with you she should maintain each one of them (as well as attraction) as much as you should. If you are worth it then she is going to lose it. that’s why a lot of women start dieting only after they broke up which I think is wrong: you need dieting while in relationship so you won’t break up…

 

[Blacks]

So well… I do think that most of the people really like food, who doesn’t? we all love food. Even vegans love food too, I’m pretty sure about that. I do love to eat myself either, however, when I start feeling that I am full I am not eating anymore, I don’t want it anymore and it doesn’t matter if there’s my favorite food or no. but this is not exactly like her, she really eats a lot, especially if there’s her favorite food. Besides that, I really cannot understand why she is insisting so damn much to eat so damn much such unhealthy food. Nearly everything that she is eating is junk, unhealthy and food that would lead to what she’s now getting through: overweighting. As I said, she talks about that unhealthy food like she’s the one who eats right and I am the one who should change my eating habits.

 

Plus, I really doubt that she is going to talk with her doc due to the fact that she does no thin that she is having a problem at all. in her opinion this is exactly the way it all should be and she doesn’t seem to notice that over a year she put some weight. She do says things like for example: oh damn I ate way too much” but she is telling that lightheartedly, she’s not saying with sorry or something like that or something that she needs to change.

 

Moreover, I am at a loss either. I really do not want to simply break up with her only because she gained some weight… I think that she is having a real problem that is why I really want her to be healthy because as I said I really do care about her and I want her to be healthy regardless if I would be with her or not. this girl is just amazing. She has only this small issue but everything else about her is ideal.

 

[tameeka]

Oh well… hi Blacks. I’m going to try to help you out but from what I have read it seems to me that there are 2 problems here. so well, the first problem is that you gf really needs to start using a daily multi vitamin that it is going to help her to stop from having those daily cravings for the wrong types of food. By as much as you have described that she is eating, it seems to me that she is not having all the essential nutrients that  her body needs so that’s why she has cravings. By taking those multi vitamins every day both of you are going to be sure that she is having all of them. but now, the second problem is that YOU are the one who need to stop taking a mental note of absolutely everything that this girl is eating. From as much as you have described I imagine how you’re looking at her each time she puts anything in her mouth. You need to remember that you are the one that have made her to feel comfortable in her own skin so you shouldn’t be the one who has a problem now. you are the one who have most likely told her that you love her unconditionally, this is why you should be the one with the problem. remember that unconditionally is for keeps dude…. And it doesn’t matter anymore whether she is fat or thin or she’s lazy or she’s motivated, funny or depressed etc. etc. etc. you are loving her for her soul, for simply the fact that she’s there, the beauty she has within her. or you’ve been loving her for her “perfect body”? in such cases you’ve never really loved her, you know? I am pretty sure that she is loving you to the same (if you say that she’s ideal then I assume her behavior towards you is “loving”) that is why I’m pretty sure that she would never dream or even think about leaving you only because you have put on a few pounds. She has only started to gain some weight but with time this is going to change and she would start adding more fruits and vegetables as well as satisfying but healthy foods into her daily diet. So far she does not exactly realize what she is doing but one day she will. But even if she does then she does not really have a problem with that only because she loves you and she also think that you are always going to be there for her if she needs you.

 

But, be sure about one thing… the day when she is going to notice that she is not going to fit into a wedding dress that she is really in love with (or maybe some other dress that she really likes) then that is going to be the day she is going to start losing weight, exercising and dieting. But until then you need to be by her side.

 

But this is not the biggest problem here. you need to be the one who realizes one thing even more important than what she needs to realize. You need to be honest with yourself and to ask yourself this… in case you find her so unattractive now that she gained only 20 lbs and you’ve been thinking about breaking up then what is going to happen and what you are going to think when she is going to gain up to 170 or even more while she is going to be pregnant with your child?? Wouldn’t you look at her and think that she is too damn unattractive? Because if it’s so then the one with a problem is you… my friend… even if you think that oh yeah… alright she is going to be pregnant only for a few month and then she’s going to be sexy back again. no my friend. She could stay at 150-160 or even more lbs because she would be too busy to care for your child and she won’t have any time to exercise and to think about diets. What’s going to happen then?? Will you love her for who is she and for what she has given you despite the fact that her body is not “perfect” anymore? Or you are still going to notice only the fact that she is unappealing for you and you are going to complain that she needs to eat healthier and that she needs to make time for going to gym (even though she needs to stay with YOUR children). She should realize some things, but you should realize some of them that are even important… my friend… because if you won’t then there would be no more relationship.

 

All of this really seems to me that both of you really need to sit down and to have a good talk together before you are going to go further in the relationship. It seems to me that she needs to see that you are going to be there to help here regardless of the situation and that you really care about her. and you need to see that you really love this girl and you are going to love her regardless of how she is looking like and how many lbs she has.

 

I really wish that both of you would be happy. You need to accept each other and to help each other. keep us updated and good luck!

 

[edestinge21]

Hey, there are many factors that can make her eat so much. I think if you want to help her you need to consult doctors, and they will help her to avoid that food which makes her eat more and more. One way to lose weight is Fasting, it means that you are stopping to eat for 24 hours having just noncaloric drinks as well as without sugar (tea, water, coffee). Another way may be meds or surgical intervention, but I think surgical is actual when you tried all methods to stop this condition (without surgical intervention). Don't give up and everything will be ok. Good Luck !!!