no friends, at all

[angieSB]

Really in a need of help now. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m strange, I know about that and that’s killing me. I am a 22 years old female, single, no children, no bf, no friends and nobody around me. I can say that I have no friends and the fact that I can claim it out load is killing me very much. I think that if there is somebody who has a similar thing knows what I am talking about. I’m sorry if this is going to be an off topic, but I just need to tell this to somebody, in this way I feel like I’m going to feel better. I have absolutely no body that is calling me and is talking with me on the phone, on line or anywhere else. Nobody is visiting me in order to simply hang out. I’m simply sitting here writing this alone, then I’m going to go back and sleep and I’ll be alone then I’m going to wake up and guess what? the next day and all the following days I am going to spend alone. There are lots of times when I am getting very sad and I’m crying a lot because there’s not even nobody that I can share my meals with. I still have my father who is now sick (I have made another post about this, and I feel that this is only intensifying my loneliness and sadness) but there’s nobody else. My father is not near me. and I’m here alone. I can say that I have been like this my entire life, I mean, being completely unable to make any friends and I really don’t know why. I am strange, I am eating baby powder and I know that this is not the only oddness I have, but I know that even odd people have some odd friends, I have nobody around me…

 

I am having a somehow pretty strict religious views that are including not smoking, not drinking and not having pre marital sex (but, unfortunately, sometimes I can’t resist and I do play with myself…). but, I am trying to hide this because for me this is very bad and this rarely happens, I’m trying to abstain the best way I can. now… the people that are in my church are all older and typically are boring me outside of the church. I really don’t like to be around to people that are gossip. I am honestly not going to disgrace my beliefs and my morals in order to have friends, however, every time I am meeting some new co workers I am thinking that they could be my potential friends, but then later I am noticing that all that they are talking about is only sex, clubbing and how awesome it was when they have been drunk. After that, I realize that I cannot see myself being anything more than some casual acquaintance with these people. I am honestly feeling very uncomfortable when I am hearing all their conversations about that, this is why I am just sitting there quiet when there’s nothing else left for me to do than sitting there… I’m not acting anything like “oh my god what’s that”, but I am only sitting there and every body knows me as a quite girl.

 

But about dating… that’s a whole different story. I guess I don’t even need to mention this. I am simply not asked out, ever! honestly, I have never been asked out, but, to be honest I think that at least I’m somewhat attractive… I really wonder, I’m there’s something seriously wrong with me what makes me so unapproachable because I am always trying to smile and to be friendly in public and with everybody (even with those who are talking about clubbing and so on). However, this seems to be not enough, it simply does not work as it works for other people. that’s hard for me to see all this and to explain it to you now… I have seriously tried to get involved in the community and I have even tried to join their conversations, joined relay for life, however, I have only ended up when I was standing there, again alone, looking stupid in the time everybody else were talking amongst themselves…

 

I do know very well that I am somehow strange, but I know that there are even stranger people. I do know that I’m not the most beautiful woman out there, but I’m still somehow pretty attractive.. I think.. but I am still alone. Why is that?? I do know very well that people are going to tell me to go and see a therapist because I need some help, however, I can’t. why? That’s simply, I cannot afford that! I have tried to discuss with somebody else couple of months ago and I have been told to go to talk with somebody in my church, however, I really don’t like the idea of being thrown with bible scriptures at me. by the way, that I already know. I would really like a lot to see and talk with a therapist because I know that this why I am going to get some help, at least some… and yeah, I do have one brother and one sister but both of them have children and they are happily married. My sister got married when she was 19 years old. I know, maybe that’s too early, but that’s better than me. I’m 22 and I know that in the near future I have no chances of getting married…. I’m feeling now completely alone, like I’m the only one against this world with nobody on my side that would fight for me or at least support me with anything. To be honest with you, if I would look back in time, I am now having 22 years and I really can’t remember at least one time that I was really happy. Usually, people my age have already lots and lots of memories of them being happy. I have none of them. do you think this is normal? I do know that I am pretty pitiful, but I need some help. I don’t really know the exact reason why I decided to write this, but as I said, this only makes me feel a bit better, like there’s somebody who listens to me, like I have friends. But, in case there would really be somebody who has some suggestions for me then I would be infinitely happy and thankful to you.

 

Thanks in advance for reading this long and boring post of mine, thanks for spending your time on it. replying it would be a big difference for me, making me a lot more happy.

 

[NoOome]

Oh well… sorry but I cannot help. that’s because I cannot help even myself… I am feeling the exact same way as you do and I know that feeling. Those people that are living here when I am living seem to always to be extremely clicky.. I am feeling miserable, alone and useless. Every single time that I am trying to make at least one single friends, I feel that they are putting up a wall against me and I always feel like I’m rejected, like they don’t really like my company and even though they don’t tell me this literally (I guess out of being polite or I don’t know) I feel like they tell me: leave… I am currently 37 years old and I do have sex occasionally, but only a night and mostly with drunk girls… this is one more thing that I don’t like because I know that in other ways I can’t have sex. I am a Christian and I really don’t like to be in the company of some people that are swearing and cutting people down, but, sometimes, there are no other ways and I just need to stay there and hear all that even though I don’t like it. I just really want to meet some people that are going to accept me for what I really am. I don’t want to be like them, I mean to swear so much, to drink every Friday and Saturday and then to pretend that my life is amazing when it really isn’t. I’m trying to have a big heart and I’m trying to be friendly with everyone, I am not judging anybody, I know that we are all human, we all make mistakes, I have made mistakes myself, everybody does… nobody is perfect and we all know that. I have made some bad decisions in my life but I try to fix them out, I want to move on but most of all I just need and want a friend who will be by my side. There’s nobody around me that I can call “my buddy”. As you said, they are all only my acquaintances! But I am never feeling good enough because of this. I’m just sitting here writing this loser-post at my 37 years old instead of going out and making friends. But I have tried… and I have tried with lots of people. but every single time I have had no luck. They also seem clicky and they simply don’t bother with me. there were some other people who were thinking so bad about other people that it was simply impossible to stay around them, they were swearing 24/7 and judging people. even those who they don’t know. But those people who does not seem to be like that, they simply don’t want to bother with me. and this hurts.. it hurts very badly when you really want to have some friends that would accept you, that would be with you for what you really are, but it seems that there is nobody that is going to give me a chance on doing that. lately I start thinking that there is something seriously wrong with me because as I said, I have really tried to do something about that. I haven’t tried to find mistakes in other people but in me so I tried to smile more, to talk first, to approach first, to act like a real friend even though we weren’t yet, however, nothing is working for me. I feel like I’m the biggest loser. I feel sometimes like I’m going to cry, but I’m a male… I dreamed so much about going out with a friend, to go for a bike ride, to go for a coffee together, to go to bowling, to talk with him about everything, to go to zoo, to wherever we would like. But every single time I am rejected. Now, every time I am trying to make a friend I already know that I am going to be rejected… even though I’m trying. And that’s hard when you see that people around you are trying to make some stupid excuses when you ask them to go out. And… there’s nothing left to do… you cannot tell them: hey, that’s an obvious excuse, come on with me. I am feeling miserable…

 

[Corim]

umm, so… if you started to talk about this then I can say that I am having no friends either. The only *friends* I am having is only the time when they need or want something from me, other times – I am alone. When they need me to do something for them I’m nearly their best friends, but when simply to hang out – suddenly, they are all busy. I have been like that for my entire life, nobody seem to like me, like there’s something seriously wrong with me. Not so long ago people at school started to look down at me, only about 2 or 3 people are taking pity in the fact that there’s nobody with me and I have nobody at all to do anything or something at all. I do know that feeling when NoOome said that it is hard to see that people are making stupid excuses only not to hang out with you. each time when I am asking somebody to do something with me or to go somewhere with me they are always telling me that they are busy doing that and they need to do something else (out of a sudden). And that’s not have happened only a couple of times, the exact same story repeats every single time. every body is seeming to be doing something each time I ask them, all the people on this planet are busy in the exact same minute I need something. I have not been invited to the graduation party at any of my schools. I’m always alone, alone all the time, doing everything alone. I do have lack of communication pretty often, but I’m trying to do my best to deal with that. as sad as it sounds but I have gotten used to do everything myself, to do everything alone. Like for example to bike ride, to go to zoo, to watch movies and simply to do stuff. Anything that somebody would want or need a friend for it – each time, I am doing it alone by myself.