Snoring partner help

[Wiferston]

as strange as it might sound, but I really have a really big problem that I need to get at least some help about it… for the last 10 years now I have slept with the worst and loudest sleep apnea snorer that you have ever heard about and this cannot continue anymore. even though it does seem to be a common problem and not such a big problem, it has now gotten so bad that it is, IMO, the biggest problem that I have now and the problem that stops me to function normally. for some might seem a problem with a lot of solutions and with easy solutions, but it is not such an easy thing when this WORST sleep apnea snorer who is SO LOUD is completely refusing to get absolutely any help for it and doesn't care how other person (me) sleeping with him is feeling and sleep, or better say not sleeping at all. now that I am writing this, guess why I do it? as I am writing this, he is literally so damn loud right now that my ear drums are feeling as if they are going to burst from how damn loud he is. I do know there are a lot of men snoring and my friends also complain on this, but when I describe them what I am getting through during the night then they tell me that it seems like they don't have any problems, comparing to this. besides the thing that I do know this is a health issue he has because that's not a normal snoring to be so damn loud, but this snoring has also taken a toll on my health as well and that's due to the fact that I have to drug myself regularly with some sleeping pills in order just to drown him out. and trust me I can't fall asleep even when I am really tired and it seems that I would fall asleep as soon as I get into bed, but even in those day I still have to drug myself out or else those terrible and extremely loud noise that he keeps on doing is keeping me awake all night long and in the morning I am all extremely tired with bags under my eyes. and just in case there's getting silence for just 30 seconds - that's enough for me to fall asleep. but when the "truck" starts working again I'm awake. I am probably shaking him awake for like 20 and even more times every single (EVERY SINGLE) night! however that's not when he starts snoring… if I shook him every single time when he snored then this means that I would need to be shaking him every 30 seconds consecutively all night long without stopping after each "wake shake". I'm shaking him, he stops for 30 seconds and then here we go again. lately it is so bad, so often and so loud that it has got to the point now where I am going to stay up until 6 am (because this is the time when he wakes up and has to go to work). if he would be waking up at say 9 am then I won't be sleeping until 9 am. but even so, it has my entire schedule all screwed up and my entire day is ruined. and this happens day by day. lately I am mostly cancelling all my plans and schedules and I am now mostly sleeping during the day than night when he's not home. I've tried to somehow deal with this, but I am simply extremely exhausted during the day and I am getting absolutely nothing done, accomplished or whatever else. if you think that I am just over reacting and you doubt that there can be such a snoring that is so bad then I can tell you… in a 2000 sq ft home that we live in, you are still able to hear him CLEAR on the opposite end of the house and that's even with fans going on, with TV, with white noise machines and even with headphones and that's true because I've tried it. now just imagine what happens when you are right near him. that's just not funny at all.

 

I did thought about the ear plugs but they are not a really good option for me and that's because of 2 things: 1st is that they are indeed effective, but I still can hear him a little bit (though I would be able to sleep), but mainly is because I need to have at least some sense about me due to the fact that I am having a dog and kids so I need at least something. I guess there's no need to mention that I have discussed with him about this. and not only once or 100 times. I am talking with him about this nearly daily. I have begged him to get a cpap or maybe even a mouth guard from the dentist, however he refuses and I really think now that he will never do it. it doesn't matter how much I tried, how much I begged him or whatever else. he just refuses and that's it. I did have search for information online and I even printed it off that information from the computer in order to show him, the information about how snoring is affecting your non snoring partner's health and in general your relationship. he doesn't care. he just won't do anything about that. and I've printed off this information about how he is affecting MY health because I've tried to show him that there's something wrong with his health doubtlessly and that he needs to do something about it, however he said that it is his life and he don't care. is he selfish? definitely yes. I call him like that every single day. he tells me that the real reason why he refuses is because of money and that's such a BS. he is refusing to go to some other rooms to sleep as well and I really do not think or feel that I should do it myself. but I can't stand it anymore, I really can't… this is freaking the most annoying sound that I have ever heard in this world. or maybe because I absolutely hate and detest it right now? not sure. but I am sure that I do hate and detest this sound. it has ruined my life big time. there are times when I seriously want to slap him hard!

 

if he would at least went to a doctor or have been actively trying to get and search for some help on this problem then I would give him credit. plus, I think that if he would try to do so then the problem would come to an end as I am sure that there are solutions to this, but he just should go after them and should apply them! as I said it earlier, he said that the "real" reason as to why he doesn't want to search for help is because this requires money and he don't want to rich doctors out there. yet he is always spending thousands of dollars regularly on his collection of cars and on his freaking hobbies in general. making thinking about me and about my health he doesn't want. and doesn't want to spend a dollar on this. he's always bitching around about the price of a doctor's visit. and yeah… I do know that this sounds really crazy and maybe strange or whatever else it sounds, however this is a real problem for me and I am just simply not able to stand this any longer, I honestly need some big help! in all this time a lot of things happened, a lot of things we have discussed and lots of times I broke in tears because of this problem. in all this time I have given him time limit ultimatums a lot of times to go to the doctor and to get some help, to stop this snoring, however he is breaking it every single time. but having last 10 years of no sleep this is just hell. each time when he's not home (but this rarely happens) I am sleeping like a baby. I really want to get help. I really need help. please… is there somebody else who is also going through this as well? how bad is your situation? or maybe you already got through this and somehow you managed to deal with this problem? and I would really like to know maybe there's someone who has some recommendation on how to make him to get some help for the snoring and to finally stop being so damn selfish! and he's definitely one of the most selfish man out there especially at this point when his entire family is not able to sleep at night because of him and his snoring for the last 10 years now. and yeah, I am not the only one who is not able to sleep because of him in this family.

 

[CaitlynNn]

well, just don't forget that you can always leave him so you just should balance it out and in case it is not worth it then just do it and let him live like that. I don't understand why you said that maybe for someone it might not seem to be like a big problem. well, it might not seem this way for those who haven't went through this. those people who understand what's that won't ever say a thing like this. I did have slept in a room with a really really loud snorer like you describe once and it has been so so so bad that I wanted to literally kill him! to put the pillow on his freaking snoring face and make him STOP! absolutely the worst night of sleep that I have ever had in my life. you live like that for 10 freaking years. that's a lifetime! you're either in love with him too much, or you don't love yourself at all! or both.

 

what you can do it is to make him understand what you're going through every single now. how to do it? you just need to record it all and then the next time (the next night) just connect your phone to some speakers (some loud speakers) and then just play the audio file loudly all night long and do not let him touch your phone or the speakers. let him sleep like that make sure the speakers to be as loud as he is and put those speakers right next to the bed. so then let him sleep. make him understand how annoying this really is.

 

[Symone]

well, I understand what you are going through, maybe for me it wasn't as bad as it is for you know, but I do know what's that. my husband has got the cpap approximately 2 months ago now, or maybe a bit less than that. he has been snoring out really really loud either, however as long as I have went to bed first and I have been asleep then this wasn’t posing a problem for me at all! there's not very much that can wake me up. he had to do something else to wake me out. I am that kind of person who won't hear or be woken up by the alarm clock at all, or at least if I haven't slept for like 7-8 hours. and I can wake up from his snoring the same way - after I've already slept for 7-8 hours. but since I already slept the normal time it wasn't a problem for me. his snoring for me has been a big problem if he been falling asleep before I was. I couldn't fall asleep then. but lately I made sure that I went to sleep first so this wasn't a big problem for me anymore. however, it has been a much bigger problem for him than for me. before the cpap he has been really really exhausted! once he has gotten home from his work, got onto the couch and slept for hours.. on the saturdays and sundays he would basically sleep all day long on the couch being completely exhausted and tired. but yeah, he surely does not like to use that thing, nobody would, and there is actually an adjustment period as well, however he is occasionally going to take a break of it (about once or maybe twice on the friday night) and when this happens then here we go once again, he is again sleeping all day long on the couch. and yeah, as I said, there is indeed an adjustment period, however what a big difference, for him either way. in fact, there's an huge difference that both of us can notice when he is not using it, he is not even able to lie and to tell me that he did. it has been really that obvious of what a big difference it is making, that's a difference that you can easily see.

 

I can say he have had to go in for 2 sleep studies. the first one has been because they had to check it out if there were some issues and then the second one has been due to the fact that they need to see how he is doing on the cpap. we do have insurance, and I remember that for the first sleep study we have paid approximately $250 out of our pocket and for the second study I remember that we paid approximately the exact same price of $250 which means 500 bucks for both studies done. as for the cpap machine, it has been either 650 or 850 dollars, I am not really able to remember (gonna ask him if there's somebody interested), but it was really worth it all. either 1150 bucks or even 1350 bucks was really worth it all. I would say that even 2000 would be. that's because it has been a real godsend for him! I should say that the entire process it is quite easy, you only need to show up at the sleep study clinic (for us they said to come at about 9 PM), quite sure the same would be with you too. so on the first night they are observing and they are testing whatever they need to test and check everything out. there he is in a room all by himself and he is being monitored. this is the time when they determine nearly everything but on the second time they are using the cpap in order to check how it is working specifically for him and so they are making the recommendation as to which one is the best for him and his snoring problem. after that the cpap it is being ordered and you are going in for the instructions of how to use it correctly and so then you pick it up and you're ready to go and to use it. yeah, a little bit of time is spent as well as a bit of money, but trust me it is surely worth it. you have to do it! I think that if I myself had told him to do it then exactly as your husband, most likely he wouldn't have done it. however, then when he has went in for his yearly wellness exam, the doctor has seen it and he has been the one who has recommended and ordered the sleep study. so my husband listened to him.

 

anyway, I wish you sincere good luck in getting him to do the sleep study and I hope this would make him stop and most importantly make you live again, make you sleep again. sure thing is that with all that snoring, he is definitely not having a restful sleep either and he should do it for both you and himself (and for your entire family). maybe he's not getting a restful sleep… but what we should say about you and how it is affecting you? I'm so sorry for you. hope you'll get it sorted out!

 

[KaterineHill]

oooh yeah, I do perfectly understand what you are talking about… I can feel ya' girls…. I just have had to visit my parents house and to sleep in the exact same bed with my sister and that was… oh my… I will never sleep with her ever again. exactly as you said - she is snoring extremely loud and she has been snoring in my ear all night long. I have been there for one full week and it was hard for me. the very first night I didn't know that she is snoring so hard and so I have tried to kind of shaking around on the bed in order to shift her body. however… well, in the morning she has been seriously pissed off at me (she has been at me!!!) and she said that I have been constantly elbowing her - something which I definitely haven't done. after that night I was not able to go through this once again and I refused to sleep with her so I slept on the couch. I then have set up a cot in the living room but my mother got really mad at me because of this due to the fact that she did not wanted this room to be used as a bedroom. either way, I have been on this cruise with her and she has been drinking a lot… truly a lot. I mean, without any exaggeration or something in this matter she has been drinking like 18 beers per day. it was horrible. the very first hour when she has been asleep it was worse and extremely strange… that's because the very first hour the sound of her snore has not been a sound of a regular snoring sound, however it has been pretty much like a bloody foghorn or something like that! after that hour or so her snoring has been getting plus or minus more normal, but she was still snoring extremely loudly. I do know that all of this has been because of the booze. maybe she would still be snoring even without drinking, but I am quite sure that she wouldn't be snoring that horribly. this has been in a very tiny cruise ship room  - I had to deal with that somehow. I have had to go out on the balcony and I have been trying to get the waves as well as the sound of the sea to at least try to drown her out and… no… that has not been loud enough for that.

 

but I tried to search for it. I have even heard an entire segment about this snoring the last week. there was a doctor who discussed about this and explained it all. he has been the one who has said it that it is really really dangerous and that there is a lot that can be done in the beginning with a sleep study in order to be sure that this is not an apnea. I discussed with her about this thing, of course, but as usual and it seems as absolutely every snoring person - she refuses. I honestly have no idea why all of them are refusing. this is for their own well being. they need to go to doctors which means that they need help as they are having health issues. I honestly think that this is going to shorten his life if continued like that. he is ultimately going to die young… but I can guess that he is simply not caring about this. exactly as my sister does. as for now you really need to get him move to another room! you should go to and move a bed in another room and let him sleep there. that's definitely not fair for you and I am really really sorry for you…

 

[Wiferston]

oh yeah, and that's the scary thing to be honest… all his family has died quite young and I do know that this apnea is going to ultimately kill him either and that's why I am so afraid. I do know that this puts so much stress on the body of the snorer person. as I have said, I read about this a lot and I do know the negative effects on his body and that's just a lot of stress for his body and I am afraid that ultimate he won't be able to deal with it. especially as he ages. but as I said, I have also read that the partner is also suffering too. but it is now to the point when he is profoundly sweating in his sleep as well and he sweats a lot which is really gross… he sweats so much that he ruins the sheets and so I have not kicked him out of the bed in our new house because we have purchased all brand new beds and I really do not want him staining not only our sheets but also the sheets in the guest room either. so I would really like to make him to go to sleep in the kids' room on one of their little twin beds, however he tells me that it is too uncomfortable to sleep there but in the end, that's the point of it! I want him to be uncomfortable so in this way he is going to make a doctor appointment and address this problem (but one thing here to notice is that only his comfort matters, nothing else than that).

 

he is not having health insurance, but the thing is that I truly believe that in case he can spend money on fixing up his car collection so much as well as some other materialistic things that often are useless (and trust me he spends quite some money on all these things) then he surely would put that money towards a doctor instead and so he won't be suffering from this as much as I and his entire family won't be. but it is not only about money. I have even got him in to my doctor appointments in order to get some all FREE advices and offered to pay out of MY pocket for him in order to get help with this and to make this nightmare stop. but he has told me that the cpap is going to be uncomfortable (notice again, he is going to be uncomfortable) and so he is not going to be able to fall asleep. well, this got me a bit mad then but I tried to keep calm and told him… well, yeah, but you are going to get used to it ultimately and at least, everybody else is going to sleep (including him too) and eventually, you are going to get used to this and we'll all sleep patiently plus no need to mention that you are not going to die (as if this isn't freaking enough!!!).

 

after lots of talks, after I agreed to pay out of my pocket (so he can save up money on his freaking materials and car collection) he said that he is going to order a cpap which is already used from ebay so I won't need to pay much. but I honestly didn't think that this is a good idea at all and that's because I have read that they have to be calibrated to each person individually (which is the main reason) but they also can get some house germs and mold so getting a used one is a bad idea. but anyway, ultimately I am the one who pays so that's my decision.

 

I also need to mention here that I have slept in the guest room for quite some time now (started a few weeks before I wrote my original post and since then and it continues like that) and so this wore on our relationship not to sleep together anymore. but I know now that in ca he is not going to stop to be so damn selfish then I am going to take my all nice TV as well as all of the other items that need out of the master and I am going to make the guest room my own room so there would be no guest room but each one of us with their own rooms. that's just seems fair to me as long as he refuses to do anything at all about this. I do realize and I know very well that even so he is still not going to get any help and most likely I am still not going to get any sleep anyway since I have already said it in my original post, you are able to hear him very loud and clear throughout our entire house regardless were you sleep, but at least that's better than sitting right next to that truck. honestly…  can literally feel like that ear that is right next to his face is slowly but steadily going deaf and either I am paranoid (which I doubt) either I don’t hear with this ear as well as with the other one. trust me that as bad as it sounds. that night when I have wrote my post, he has been snoring so so loud (in fact, as usual) that I could feel my ear throbbing from that noise. you might think that I am exaggerating, but that literal pain that I have in my ear isn't exaggerating, it is a clear sign that my body and especially my ears can't stand it anymore. this all is really getting to that point when I want to freaking smother him!!! and yeah, thank you very much for sharing your stories… I can get at least a bit of comforting here from your stories…

 

P S. I did the recording thing by the way and he has told me that in his opinion, he sounded pretty quiet, oh my… I guess I have to buy some new boxes, to turn the max volume and to turn them on when he sleeps for it to work.

 

[KaterineHill]

Wiferston, just wanted to ask you… is he always really tired?

 

and yeah, regarding the part of purchasing a used one… I totally do agree with you and I would not purchase it from eBay or a used cpap from anywhere else. a used one won't be the thing. trying to save those little $ is quite stupid in my opinion (no offense) especially when we're talking about your health and your family's health!

 

searching a bit you are going to see that they do have vendors online that are going to sell them (new, of course), however you are right that they are quite individualized so they would need to be set up and I am not very sure how easy/ hard it is going to be to do it without the help of somebody who can do it. and yeah, just FYI…. the initial cost for each sleep study has been $2500 each one of them (but as I said earlier, we had 2 of them). but anyway, I am thinking that most of the medical facilities would set up a payment plan. I do know that places used to do that, I am not really very sure if they are still doing it, however, I still think that it is worth to check this out. whatever the case, I really hope that in the end it turns out well for you (and this would automatically turn out well for your husband as well). best wishes.

 

[KaterineHill]

Wiferston… I just think… you could try to buy some used or cheap cheats from ebay for the guest room and to save the good ones? or to get a set at a thift store or a cheapy set online maybe? these are just some little things… I mean, it is obvious that the main and the actual solution it is to get him medical help and he has to accept it but that's at least something… oh my… why generally are all men so stubborn? it would be so much more easier if this wouldn't continue like this...

 

[Wiferston]

Symone you asked me about whether is he tired or not… oh yeah, he is extremely tired and I can tell you this with absolutely no doubts. he has rather a hard job and he works 55 hours per week and we have 2 teens and one of them has leukemia… all of this is exhausting and I do understand. he is falling asleep as soon as his head is hitting the pillow. sometimes I have a feeling that he's already asleep in the air while his head is getting toward the pill. never heard of anybody falling asleep as quickly as my husband does. he's kind of like an anti insomniac! he is having the ability to have a health insurance but canceled his coverage. but I am surely going to tell him to sign back up because of the sleep study and of the equipment costs he needs. but the healthcare cost in the US are absolutely ridiculous! but anyway, thank you extremely much for all of your recommendations and advices. I honestly think that they might serve for good and be helpful. whatever the case, be sure that they are very very much appreciated by me!

 

KaterineHill, I honestly think that this is a good idea, thanks! and to make him pay for those cheap sheets as well! the thing is that he has ruined our $ 100 set in only 2 months because of his extremely profound sweats that he doesn't seem to care about. and yeah, I do agree with you that it would be so much more easier if he is not going to be like that. I do agree on the fact of why with the stubbornness? and on the fact that it would be so much more easier if they won't be like that… it's like they can't accept they have a health issue! just go to the dang doctor and make him take care of you… lol.

 

[MilyCC]

Wiferston, I perfectly understand you as I have been going through this as of recent and this is just the main key factor of why I have been prescribed and regularly taking Zopiclone for some months now (Zopiclone, is a medication that helps you sleep , fall asleep - for those who doesn't know). My ex partner is snoring due to the fact that he has a diagnosed mild sleep apnea and he is overweight as well. we have done the sleep clinic thing (because I do know how bad it can be) and the doctor (obviously) has told him to lose a stone to make it better, he did it (with lots of fight btw) but it was worth it as the snoring he was having got much much more better, I mean, lower and without problems, in fact, his snoring has almost disappeared completely (almost). but the problem is… sadly… his extremely big love for those chocolate vending machine that he has right at his work right near his office did not went away and since he stopped with the snoring, got better his weight and generally started to feel better but the love remained… he started to get them and no need to mention that soon that stone he lost came back and along with that extremely bad and dreadful truck sound he's been having at night.

 

I am having a long term insomnia now for years, but his very bad snoring has stopped me to sleep at night at all. it was hard for me to sleep without this serenade, but now it is impossible. I crawled into the GP for the very first time ever about the insomnia and since that day he prescribed me medication to sleep and I am on it since.

 

honestly, I am thinking that i am going to be single forever now due to the fact that I can't fathom out of how to measure how loudly a prospective partner is snoring BEFORE that falling in love period. just in case your partner is overweight try to make him lose weight. snoring would greatly stop!