spying your kids

Easer1934

New member

I’m very confused about this situation I really would like to find out more opinions about this because now I’m 50/50. Not so long ago I have seen on tv a very interesting show where people talked about different problems that kids can have while they use internet and so on. I have one son and 2 daughters my son is 18 years old and I’m less worried about him, I’m more worried for my two daughters because they are twins and they are 12 years old. Not so long ago I started to observe that they are very interested in using computers and staying there for many many hours without stopping. I’m not a father that don’t let them to stay there but they are teenagers and I know that even they are home in safe there is so many bad things that they can find in internet and to be honest it scares me.. I don’t talk about pornography or something like this I’m talking about people or with whom they are up with… that’s really important I think because I have heard so many cases of sexual abuse and other types of kid’s violence. Talking about my son, I’m usually worried when he goes out with his friends. He has got his drive license and now every Friday and Saturday night he is out with his friends. I don’t want to say that I don’t trust him but I don’t trust other people and even if my boy is really a good kid and I know that I can trust him but I am still worried about him, there are those situation when you start to think that something can happen to him or maybe that his friends are not so adequate as him. There are days that you start to think about everything and every strange thing, drugs, accidents, police retentions or something else… so that’s why in that TV show I have heard about the gps for cars and mini hidden cameras that help parents to control their kids. I know that actually from another side it’s not so good to spy them and to enter in their personal life. I have thought about this many times but I still can’t decide if this will be good an idea or no. What do you think is this too amoral to do? I would definitely wouldn’t do it but I am scared about my kids. I thought about putting that thing only for a couple of weeks but later I thought what if I won’t stop? I would spy them even in their 20’s and I realize that this is not a good idea at all..

 

halseara

New member

hello there,

 

I would suggest you not to do this. First of all I have been a victim of it and actually I can say that every teenager should have his little secret.  I understand what you think and that you are worried about this but actually it can become more complicated and can create you many problems. When I was a teenager my dad always spied me and my sister. he knew every little thing about me and my sister and actually it was awful. At the beginning he just wanted to protect me but after one year it started to become a thing that it’s difficult to explain, like an obsession, so what you have said up there is true and your nightmare would become reality and you won’t stop. well, my father wanted to know every little thing about me. At the beginning he just started to spy where I was and with whom but later he was interested about what was I talking about with my friends… You know very well how is this… a teenage 14 years old girl that fall in love for the first time and just what to tell her friend that he like a boy and why did she liked him. He was always spying me with cameras and even out of the door in order to hear everything that I was talking about with my friends. I found out about this when I was 18 years old, it was awful because when my father spied me he found out that I lost my virginity and all the details that I told my sister. I don’t think that this is okay.  A father should be worried but not obsessed. Now, I’m 24 years old and I have a 3 years old girl and every time I remember when my father did it to me I am getting very sad. I know that I’ll never do this for her, it’s disgusting, and I talked about this with my husband. There are some things that a teenage should keep in secret. A little privacy.

 

I know that this is difficult to believe but I was a victim and I know very well what a kid can feel. It was terrible to find out that my mother spied me on my diary and my father always checked my phone messages. The first time that I got my first page on social sites my father invented one with fake photos of a hot guy. Don’t you think that this is strange thing to do? At the end I found out everything they told me about all the parties because they always were there to keep me under control. When I was at school my father always searched all my messages on my social sites and read them all. One day I remember that I wanted to go out with one old friend that I have meet at school, and via messages we decided to go out for a dinner I was 18 and I thought that it’s a normal time and a good one to go out with a boy. I was wrong, when my father found out this he invented an excuse to let me stay home and for the first time that it happened I didn’t knew that this is because he knew what I’m doing and because he read all my messages but this wasn’t the last time, every time that I decided and I tried to go out with him, he was always there to invent something else only to make me stay in house. After some months I found out the truth and I got very impressed that during all these years I have never observed what they did to me. but that’s because I never thought that they could do something like that.

 

Talking about the open door policy it always was a problem for my parents. Till my 18 I couldn’t have my privacy door. All the time that I was in my room they never knocked at my door and they never asked me if they can come in.

 

So, if you still don’t trust me and you think that this could be a good idea, I would like to add that after I found out that my father spied me and after they told me all the things that they did I decided to live alone. I didn’t talk with my father till my wedding I think for 2 years. This was hard to me and I was missing him but the thing that he did to me was too horrible to forget like that. Now my dad say that he will always be sorry about what he did. Anyway it’s your decision but I really hope that my story told you something that you should understand.

 

Yousbabtle888

New member

in my opinion it is mostly depending what you mean by spying. First of all if you just do things that can assure him a good security then I think that this isn’t a bad thing. It’s a bad thing to spy them through cameras or microphones or any other types of things like that but if you what to check about your daughters to see with whom they talk its okay at this age. I don’t mean to read all the conversations but to check people that seem strange to you. Like a strange man, guy or maybe some of your daughter friends that you don’t know. Talking about your son i think it’s a bad thing with cameras, he is 18 years old and if you never have had problems with him then you don’t have to worry about him. Yes, security it’s okay and I agree with gps, I think that gps should be on all the cars, it should be used if you really need it but not all the time your son is out. Talking about the other user’s opinion and story… I’m really very sorry about your situation and I really think that all the things that you described are really very awful. First of all it’s really a strange thing to invent something in order to prevent your 18 years old daughter to go out with a boy, and generally reading all the messages on her social sites in order to be sure about all her private life, that’s way too much. I don’t have kids but I can imagine what could it be and I truly think that you should just talk with your kids, to explain them that they should trust you and if there would be something wrong, or if they think that they are in trouble, for any problem they can talk with you and you’re always be there to help them. that’s it. your kids need to be protected and not spied. that's my opinion.

 
Top