what actually means anxiety and its description

[SparkDark]

Hello everyone.

 

Every once in a while I am getting into a discussion with different people out there and each time when the topic of anxiety is coming up (everybody knows that I am suffering from anxiety), very often they are asking me to describe what I am actually feeling when I am getting anxious… they ask me to describe my anxiety. Now I’ve been thinking that I could make a topic here out of this and ask each one of you to describe your anxiety. Of course I am going to be the first one who describes it so here’s the best ideas that I can give:

 

So well, look, imagine yourself that you are sitting in your very best chair (the favorite one), in the time that you are watching your favorite movie (or TV Show whatever), with your absolutely favorite drink that you want in your hand and you’ve just ate your favorite food. Everything seem to be so amazing… all calm cool and relaxed with not a single care in this world. You don’t have anything else to do and you have the best feeling in the world right there. and then, all of a sudden the phone starts ringing, it startles you a little bit, however you then return to your relaxed state and you are just figuring that it is only a telemarketer. Well, you are picking up the phone and the voice on the other end of the phone is telling you a message something like the following: *hello, this is police officer XXX from the local police department… I’m very sorry to tell you this but your son has been involved into an horrible car accident…. * Well… just STOP right here! That’s enough… from that moment on this is the exact feeling that I am having when I’m anxious… that is the feeling that you have on that moment is the feeling I have from anxiety… the only difference is that you go there and your anxiety turns either into hate or relief depending on what has happened, however for me this feeling does not go away, it just stays stuck like this all day long… all the long… and very often it stays for so long that it goes into the next day. It is as if you’re never going to find out what has actually happened. I am just feeling exactly as you feel when you have got to the point in the phone conversation when you have been said that your son (or a beloved person) has been in a serious car accident.

 

I’ve often been trying to describe what I am feeling when I get anxious and I got to the idea that this is pretty much the best description that I could give of my anxiety. Well, now, how would you, people, describe your anxiety?? I really want to find out what do you think about this? about my description… I mean, do you think that it is accurate and a good way to have somebody who has never actually had an anxiety ‘to get the idea’ of what anxiety means? People often hear that anxiety means ‘fear’ and that’s pretty much it. but they still cannot understand and I don’t try to judge them since they cannot know how it feels… I am anxiously (no pun intended) waiting to hear somebody else’s replies on this topic.

 

And yeah… I am sorry if this was not the right place to post this. if it’s in the wrong place I ask moderators to move it to where it should be. I just see that it is ‘sedatives’ and therefore we talk about medications ‘anti anxiety’ so what would ‘anxiety’ actually means to you? By the way… one last thing here… I have seen a therapist and I am currently on the good medications and that’s why I am rarely feeling this way anymore… luckily. Really hoping that whoever else is going to post here what does anxiety means to them would talk about those feeling ‘in the past’… all the best to you all.

 

[debra]

Well… I could describe my anxiety feeling, however I see that you described your anxiety by giving an example of something… however it would be easier for me to share a list of the sensations that I am getting when I have anxiety so that’s what I am going to do. I do know that looking over the list it would seem like a ride at the amusement park… mine has touches of panic attack mixed with anxiety… this is different.

 

Well, it creeps up on me – out of the nothing usually… I am getting approximately only a 30 seconds warning and after that I get:

 

Falling sensations, plummeting downwards, it is pretty much like an adrenaline dump; my heart is racing like crazy; I am just not able to think rationally anymore; I am all filled with sheer terror and fear; needless to mention that humor, joy and anything associated with this completely leaves me in these moments; I am feeling as if I can see blackness; I am having a huge urge to get away from myself somehow; there are voices in my head which is a shouting voice; I am becoming either completely static or pace around; my hands seem to start tingling and I am feeling like they are belonging to somebody else or whatever, but not mine; I am feeling like my body is different, as if it’s different, not mine either, as if its alien to me, as if there’s an alien IN me and I, of course, want to get out of it; and then later I am finally feeling super tired, completely exhausted; I am just trying to breathe slowly… knowing that it is ultimately going to fade away…

 

What I have noticed is that it is getting much worse and these feelings are intensified if I am all alone by myself. Also, there’s a very low level anxiety that I have used to feel very often however it does not quite have all of the fireworks of the one above… not sure but I can guess that the best way I am able to describe this one it is as if you are putting some kind of a scary movie sound track (and grayer tone colors) over your entire life and that’s from day to day… hopefully this gives a good explanation.

 

[SparkDark]

oh yeah, that’s a good explanation and generally that’s an excellent post! Thank you for sharing it and for being very descriptive here. To be honest, I would really love to see some more replies like this one. That’s a very good job done!

 

[HaNNaH]

Umm.. you know… continuing on from that phone call example (which has been a very good example by the way), my general anxiety it is a combination of the feeling of fear and doom just before the police has said that your beloved person has been in the accident, not quite fully realized and bubbling under the surface… and also a feeling of flat tension that you may feel months after the phone call and your beloved person is dead. It is like the prior anxiety has been so so chronic that my mentality has already been altered into some kind of a depressive / flattened however still anxious state.

 

But well… then later when my anxiety is actually spiking up for a specific external reason, my arms are getting some kind of tingles and prickles shooting all the way down them from my chest which is truly aching really really bad, my head is feeling as if it is full of cotton wool and my peripheral vision is going all black… during this time the worst is that I am just not able to imagine how I am going to live with this feeling forever... then later after this feeling is going away and in case the situation is all over ok then I am ending up feeling tired but in the same time also relieved too, pretty much kind of limp. However if the situation it is not ok then I am just not able to eat. In those moments… the smell, the appearance, not to mention the taste and generally only the idea of food is making me be physically ill… not sure why tho… anything I DO eat goes right through me thanks to my churning stomach only… the last time when this has happened to me it has lasted approximately 4 days or so and I have lost approximately 10 or so pounds in those days… I feel that if this is going to happen too often to me I am going to end up being anorexic. It is super strange because I am feeling like I’m a zombie brained who would have no problems at all to never get out of the bed ever again. One sure thing that I can feel is that I feel as if I cannot escape my mind… not sure how to describe this…

 

Oh yeah… and to be honest I just cannot even remember how does it feels to be as relaxed as in the beginning of the original phone call scenario… best chair, with best movie and my best drink with absolutely no need of doing anything and everything is amazing… that’s, for me, something that I can only dream right now. I’m the person that even if I would be in such a situation and the phone rang like that then I would immediately fear that there is someone out there that I love had died and even if there was only a telemarketer then I still know that my heart would be racing like crazy in my chest from the fear even 10 minutes later… and that’s even through it was only a telemarketer and everything has been fine… cannot actually describe what I would feel like if I would actually get such a phone call.

 

[Chilly8817]

That’s an amazing post in regards to anxiety!

 

You know… the way that I am feeling my anxiety it is after my first full blown panic attack that I have got the last year… my chest is getting really really tight every single day and therefore it feels as if I need to force myself in order to breath normally and I feel as if I am out of breath every single day… in addition to that I have a lot of other symptoms that I can ramble all day about them… however these are just my main ones and in addition to that it feels as if there is something that has rammed right in the middle of my chest… I have had all types of tests done in trying to see what’s actually wrong… I have had several ECGs, I have done several X Rays… I have done several blood work and each one of them came back showing normal results… I absolutely hate it and it is very and very hard to control it. in fact it seems impossible.. not actually sure how I should describe it… well.. for me it feels as if I’m in an aero plane which is just about to hit into a mountain at 500 mph and I have got the front row seat and I look how we’re getting closer and close to that mountain and there’s absolutely nothing that I can do just to wait the ‘inevitable moment’.

 

[FlyBird]

Hi there OP… I’m left speechless… wow. That’s just an amazing description and generally, to be honest, that description that you wrote there it really struck a chord with me… this is a feeling that I am very well used to as I have suffered from this feeling for a really really long time ever since there was something pretty innocuous during at the time, which has caught up with me mentally… and I have since got down into an extremely big and deep depression and since I have suffered from really bad anxiety attacks… I’ve never got them until that depression but after it – they were something I never imagined that I could have. Talking therapy does works, to a point for me anyway… not sure how it is for other people. It is all docs over here in the UK who are willing to prescribe to beat the anxiety… that’s unless perhaps you have had maybe a suicide attempt or something in this matter… but I think that even then I think that you could be quite lucky enough to get out of them a script for like a 2 mg of diazepam or something like this. the only thing that I have noticed that is truly working for me when I am feeling like this, when I get the anxiety… it is some of those skills which I have learned in the talking therapy and a little bit of Xanax. A low dose as I am trying to keep away from medications… only a simple 1 mg of Xanax can bring a potentially spoiled day back into the line! But yeah… this is not as if I am getting it every single day, however I do know for sure that the feeling I have it is surely real and the relief that I am getting it is surely instant! Well… here in the UK… they just do not give you a script for it… and that’s at least not that I have ever heard of… but that’s such a shame due to the fact that it could help so so many people out there who are in need of it… so many people could get some semblance of control back into their lives… but not… they are kept like that being at the mercy of their own unique anxiety… that’s so sad…

 

[Dora]

So well… my anxiety has started through the cannabis…. In the beginning I have been really loving it a lot… I had loved it so much because I had a lot of years with some purely amazing memories with it that I would not change for nothing in this world. In the beginning everything was perfect and I was truly happy. However, then later it has started to make me be paranoid etc. and so then later I have started to self medicate myself by stealing the temazepam and the valium that my mother had prescribed. After that I was not able to get them anymore (no access to the pills) and so I have went through a really bad and very serious benzo withdrawal (which is one of the worst things that I have ever went through) which has then later lead to psychosis.

 

I guess there’s no need to mention in what kind of bad shape I was… and so, since then I am sometimes feeling as if there are some eyes that are starring at me… this is paranoia, I know, I’ve already been said this numerous of times. My anxiety it is panicky horrible feeling, absolutely awful! After a death of a family member my doctor has finally prescribed me some Diazepam which has truly helped me a lot to deal with all of that… not sure how I would get through it without that prescription. However I need and use some other benzos that are not being prescribed to me… with the Xanax being the best medication out there that I have ever tried in my life since my tolerance has built up from using the Diazepam over the long period. As in regards to other benzos… any other of them that I am using that are not being prescribed to me I am not abusing and therefore, I am not becoming dependent or addicted to them… but this is still a really big problem which has to be dealt. I know and I am currently fighting my way to it. as to describing my anxiety… as I said… it is a horrible feeling that you just can’t get rid of. It feels as if there are always eyes on me and whatever I do, regardless whether I am alone or around full of people (who by the way don’t even notice me) I feel as if I’m always watched. Not sure how other to explain… the fear etc. is something…. Basic… usual…

 

[SparkDark]

Hey there everyone… I wanted to say that each one of you guys have done an amazing job into putting your anxiety and describing it into words! That’s amazing. and I do feel and think as this might help. I truly hope that these posts are going to get a lot of views. But yeah, indeed it is extremely hard to explain about how uncomfortable and how terrifying and generally how painful the severe anxiety actually is… people can’t fully understand even by reading these posts which give only a small idea of what we are actually feeling, so they obviously can’t understand, but I really hope that nobody would ever experience this. but I do hope very much that these very well written descriptions are going to give at least a good glimpse of what it is truly like to have this condition and to suffer from severe anxiety issues. especially for those who say that anxiety it is not even a real condition. I get mad when I hear such people saying such things. But then I realized that they do not have even the slightest idea of what are they talking about.

 

[TimeWalker]

hey there OP, I only wanted to say that your description of what anxiety is, is amazing. it’s truly giving a very good example of what’s the true feeling and you know… this is the way that I have felt yesterday and this feeling has been going on all day long. I have woken up feeling absolutely fine with nothing that might ruin my day. However later in the day I have had an argument with my wife which has been the catalyst (or phone call) and then I’m going to work where as soon as I am arriving I’m being all bombarded with all types of terrorism and extremely hateful and rude responses, affirmations etc. so well… I have been feeling like this all day long, I have not even slept well at all… as you can see, often the anxiety is being triggered by something or someone and if it’s triggered then here we go away… however, luckily today is another day, after I slept I feel a bit better (although I haven’t slept well as I said), but I do feel better today… no medications used other than just 5 mg of valium last night… I guess this ‘new day’ wouldn’t come for me if I wouldn’t have taken those yesterday.

 

But then again, I really think that your explanation has hit the nail on the head, it is extremely well written IMO (I doubt that I could explain it so well as you did) and you have identified the right moments… you said it all very well and yesterday I have got myself in such a position as you described up there, unfortunately.

 

[Chilly8817]

Oh well… my anxiety it is very and very self consciousness… not sure but I can guess social anxiety amongst other people as if I am giving off all of those signs out there that I am not right and that all of the rest people know that I am struggling and having this problem, as if they all know that there is something wrong with me, simply because that’s me and because of giving out all of those signs and so I just really need or hang on to get out and/ or away from such a situation which is very often happening to me.

 

I did have had therapy and CBT and all of the medications as well, however I am still having it and that’s although I had it for more than 25 years and for most of this time I was trying to search for a solution/ treatment or call it whatever else. So well… I do know where a lot of it stems from and when I have told to people about this they are telling me that they would never have known if I kept it a secret as I never given a sign since I have always looked very chilled and all… but you know… such a bad experience of this is then spiraling all the way down getting into depression and complete helplessness which is obvious and even bigger problem. I do know that it is the social anxiety (or maybe paranoia?!) before getting the depression and this is a very big part of that reason as why I have started to use the alcohol in attempt of wiping it out… I do know that this is not the wisest decision but I just said what’s a big part of the reason why I’ve done it.

 

It has got to such a bad point that when leaving the house it can be a big problem for me… I never thought that I’m gonna find myself at such a point but I did and leaving the house can be a struggle despite the fact that I’m living around the world…. Not sure here… but I can guess that it is a different type of anxiety or I don’t know… a different type from all of those many of those truly awful situations/ states/ points etc. of anxiety and dread that has been posted by other people above here.

 

So well, for about the last 10 years or so now I have been getting help by using Nardil (which by the way it is an MAOI AD – however I am not any longer using it) and on a benzodiazepine as well… but I tell you… I have already used and I have exhausted all of the antidepressants now… all of the anti psychotics, propranolol, pregabalin and so on and so forth… however I can tell you that in all these years from the moment that I have started to use a benzodiazepine… so far I have never regretted that I did it for better or worse and that’s due to the fact that it has always beat the sh*t out of what I have been suffering from…

 

[Suchibiant]

oh...  I have to say that actually… my anxiety it is really really weird I would say… oh well… I just cannot go above 12 feet high without a FULL blown panic attack which is worse than anything! This is horrible and because of this condition that I have I have not flown in a plane for a lot of years now… always pick up a car or train, but never a plane.

 

Gotta say that I have used to ski and I would get stuck in a chairlift or gondola and I would shake uncontrollably in those moments. It is absolutely awful!

 

[diannnne]

So well… even though I’m pretty quick to get anxious about planning of the day to day events and such… but the real full blown ‘hard artillery’ anxiety problems are with the social anxiety and that’s for sure.

 

And so… I was not very sure how to explain this and then I thought that I could do it the way OP has done it: as an example… been thinking about an example and there is one that came into my mind… the way I would describe it is in that way that I would imagine somebody absolutely ‘normal’ and who is absolutely ‘ordinary’ would feel if they have had to go to a really big dinner party where everybody is knowing everybody just except this person, and all of those people out there are way much more important (much more richer, more influent, more successful etc.) than this person. And this person is just sitting there alone among all of those people… and you know… there are sometimes when I’m that person at that dinner and the feeling as if you would tell something stupid and everyone out there would look at you… that’s the feeling that I would describe that I have.

 

Another scenario that I would make is.. the moment when an absolutely ‘normal’ person would feel if they had to make a speech in front of a couple of thousands of people and in addition to that you are completely unprepared having no idea what to say and you’re just sitting there and everyone is looking at you. these are all uncontrollable feelings that you don’t want to get but you do and you can’t make them go away. because of these feelings you can do or say something stupid and this is exactly how I am feeling when I have to chat with somebody out there that is a stranger to me for more than say 2 minutes or so. And this is the way that I am feeling whenever I pick up the phone in order to call somebody, and that’s even if is a friend of mine. This is the way that I am feeling on the holidays with my family… I can feel that way on absolutely usual and normal situations… but you just cannot imagine how I am feeling when I get a phone call and that’s especially if the phone call is from an unknown to me number. Even if wrong number and the phone call was 30 minutes ago – my hands are still shaking.

 

[HaNNaH]

Yes I also have used to get these feelings and I know what you are talking about… I have used to get such intense self consciousness in the time that I have been a teenager – they were so so bad that I was not able to either eat, or talk properly or to really do anything if I thought that there is somebody who is watching at me… and I was thinking like that very often…

 

The strange (and lucky) thing for me is that this has only been applying if I have been all alone by myself only… that’s because if I have been with my friends then I didn’t care at all who was looking at me or how I have been appearing. And you know… these days I am still feeling as if I am being observed… but I guess I’m just too lazy to care about this, lol.

 

[Suchibiant]

About eating and things like this… when I have been eating at the dinner table I have been feeling as if there was everybody that was staring at me and this was a problem since I would always sneak in a really quick bite and then put the fork down as if I am not eating. I heard that there are quite some people who have this issue when they are ‘eating social anxious’ like me when they feel really anxious especially when eating. That’s a good way to lose weight though, LOL. people who want to drop their weight should have this type of anxiety for at least a few months, LOL… no, I’m just joking, there are much more healthier ways to lose weight.

 

[HaNNaH]

Oh yeah, that’s indeed a good way to lose weight, LOL

 

I do understand a bit what you are saying. I personally to find it fine when I am eating all alone at a café or food court or at fast food place if I have got a magazine to read or I whenever I am looking at my phone – all fine. however if I am only sitting there like a lump then I am feeling as if people are always are watching me chewing and I feel as if they are looking right into my mouth, LOL. and after that I start chewing weirdly tho, LOL.

 

[MellyMac]

All of us are just so different from one another, however in the same time, we are the same, aren’t we? This is what defines us all I think. Personally, my anxiety is going through stages, so I am going to try explaining what I am going through in each stage. So well, there’s the first one which consists of a general feeling of discomfort and I get it at both levels mentally and physically. I just don’t feel right, don’t feel comfortable etc. I noticed that I get it especially in the back of my neck and I am also getting a slightly faster heartbeat as well. after this I am entering my second stage of anxiety which consists of fear, pure fear, but of and whom or what I just have no idea. Nothing certain, just fear. I am just being completely scared and terrified that there is something awfully wrong. This can be anything and this is why, these are those times when I just get my phone out and I’m calling my beloved ones – my husband and my kids and I ask them whether are they fine. if some of them doesn’t respond to my call – the fear intensifies and it doesn’t go away until they call me back. Then there’s the third and the last stage of mine of anxiety which is emotional wreck, there might be somebody who can tell a dumb joke and I am getting giddy. As an example I can say that I remember being really anxious once, there was my husband and I, we were watching Old School and then there’s Will Farrell at the moment when he started streaking by himself and his wife sees them, oh my god, the way that he backed ass first into those girls faces, I can swear that I laughed at that moment until I just couldn’t anymore because I was short of breathe. You can see all of those beautiful men in those movies who are acting as if it is a big deal in order to show their asses in order to make it more sexy. Oh well… just in my opinion but if you are going to take off clothes while you do know that people are going to laugh at you being naked… at your naked body… that is brave as it gets in acting, again, at least in my opinion. And yeah, now that I remembered about this, there is one more scene in movies which made me laugh until I was not able to breathe was when he has gotten shot with the animal trank gun. These were doubtlessly my favorite scenes. Yeah… I’m sorry that I am going off topic here, all that I try to say is that I am getting very and very giddy when there is something that is funny but I almost hyperventilated.

 

I find it to be all the same with all the emotions to be honest… some people that I just don’t know can really really bad hurt my feelings… there is one guy who I have nicely asked him if he had 2 accounts because there is something that has been looking really suspicious… of course he could have responded with a ‘hell no’ why would think that, or if he was really really that much angry and FO don’t talk to me any more again. However, instead he waged war, a few, names, the c word, the b word, some useless POS and in addition to that he also said that he would come to my state in order to find me and that he would call LE on me. all of this has ended up in me being really upset for a few days, however I now do realize that the real (and the only to be honest) problem has been my anxiety alone. But back then I couldn’t realize this… he is currently most likely at home in his under wear while reading granny on granny…. For really anxious people like me this might seem as a big problem, while in fact, it is not.

 

The big 4 as I call it – the panic, and they attack, pure horror mentally and physically. These ones are going to hit you whenever they like – either when everything seem to be just perfect in your life, or when everything’s terrible and it only gets even more terrible.

 

[prettyme]

I do understand most of what you are saying here since I am having mild to moderate anxiety. This is why I can really sympathize those people who suffer from severe anxiety… that must be really really hard… I imagine… well, I can deal with it cognitively and I personally absolutely do not like to use any drugs like for example Zoloft or such and so… I don’t. I just want to be me as I don’t like at all to live in a ‘fog’ I hate this.

 

I am suffering from cancer and there is no cure and this is making this problem to be even worse… as well as 2 teen age boys who are getting into trouble and in addition an enabling wife who is undermining my efforts every single time. what I can say right now is that my solution is NOT to take any responsibility for other people’s actions. We learn and currently I’m able to identify those ‘manipulators’ who are trying to DUMP their really bad decision making on me… oh no, that’s enough – thank you, not anymore.

 

I am currently not getting into fights and arguments, I just don’t make any arguments and that’s it. all that I do is ignoring some folks out there, I am blocking their phone numbers or I am simply responding them and telling that I am not able to do their work and I just wish them all the best (this is kind of a passive technique). I try to categorize people and lately I can do it well. like for example, if I am dealing with a nice and good person who is in a jam and they are still treating me well and nicely then I am definitely going to come to their help. As for those ones that have used and have abused me for things then they are going to end up with the polite brush off and I don’t have anything else with them.

 

Since doing all of it I am just so so much more happier and that’s how I know that I do the right thing. of course I am still having problems as this doesn’t solve all your life problems, however I get like 80% or so less of them.