it’s okay if my step daughter sleeps with me?

[masstodont]

My step daughter started to sleep with us more and more often lately. This is my wife’s kid after her first marriage and obviously she lives with us. My wife and I are married for 3 months now, and before this I have never seen or lived with her daughter. She was always with her biological father when we wanted to go out. She is 9 years old and the first time I have seen her was 3 days before our wedding. Obviously, I knew about her existence in general and I was never against her daughter, but I consider that 3 months it’s very scarce to love a step kid. She is very kind and a sweet girl, but I feel so uncomfortable when she sleeps with us.

 

The first time it happened when she couldn’t fall asleep and my wife decided to let her sleep with us for that night. At the beginning I thought that it will be for the night but after this everything changed. I mean, almost 3 or 4 times per week she sleeps with us and every time my wife decides to do this I feel uncomfortable and nervous.  If the first time was because my step daughter couldn’t fall asleep after this the problem was linked with nightmares. I tried to talk with her about this and I told her that I really would like to change the situation. I proposed her to go with her in her room and to stay with her until she will fall asleep but my wife found so many arguments against this decision of mine, the first thing that she told was that it takes a very long time and that if she will sleep with us she will feel more comfortable and that she will fall asleep earlier, the second thing that she told is that she is worried that she can fall asleep during the time she rest in her bed and in the morning she wouldn’t hear the clock alarm. Usually I don’t hear the alarm, my work starts later than her and she is very afraid because she’s the only one who has to hear the clock in the morning. So, I don’t know what to do, I can’t say that this makes me very nervous, it’s strange I know but I consider that a 9 years old girl should sleep in her room. It’s difficult for me to accept the fact that suddenly after the marriage we will live with a kid but I accepted because I really love my wife and because I’m sure that after some time I’ll love this kid as she’s my biological daughter. I think that I need some time to get use with this.. I only guess that it’s too soon to accept all of these instantly, but I wanted to ask you, what should I do?

 

[ninaflemming]

Sorry, I don’t what to be rude and I would like to explain what really I think before making an conclusion. First of all, I would like to ask you if would you feel better if this would be your biological child? I consider that if you have this situation and this nervousness then you don’t really want to have kids, even if you are going to tell me that actually this is not true, I can totally say that unconsciously you know very well that living without an baby will be better for you. Generally I can say that the first thing to do is to accept this fact and the second one is to say the truth to your wife. It can’t go on like this all your life, after similar situation usually there start to appear different problems and usually these problems are so serious that would can destroy your marriage and I’m sure you don’t want this to happen.

 

Do you care to this girl at all? I think that when a person wants to live an entire life with another person he thinks before changing something in his life as well. How I can understand she told you about her daughter and I’m sure that she told you many things and if you decided to marry her you decided to accept everything that is liked with her including her daughter and her ex life. I feel very uncomfortable when I hear about similar situation because it seems to me that there is a fault in similar marriages.

 

What you expected to have? This is not a doll, it’s a girl… she is alive and she is just 9 years old and yeah, she has nightmares and she likes to sleep with her mommy because she is feeling comfortable and safe. Yes, you’re right she have to sleep in her room already but when there are similar situation parents have to do everything in order to bring their kid serenity and tranquility. My husband and I have quite the same situation, but he started to love my son since the first day when he saw him, because he always told me that the wanted to have a kid and he was very happy when he found out that I have one. He is playing and supporting him all the time like he is his biological father. I think that you have to change not the situation but you have to change yourself and the way you’re thinking about that kid. I’m sure that your wife is waiting for your help and I’m sure that she is very disappointed that you feel uncomfortable about so small things… What would happen to you when there would be other problems more serious than this? There are a lot of things that can happen, but if you can’t accept now the fact that she only sleeps with you some nights then you can be sure that soon everything will be very difficult. My son is 7 years old and all the time he wanted to sleep with us, my husband was never against this he was on the contrary very happy, he liked to play with him under the blanket and all the time he tells him different stories, fairytales. I’m sorry that I’m rude but I consider that you are not so responsible… after all the things that you wrote here I started to understand even more that I have an ideal husband!

 

Ps: Start to do something if you really care and if you really want to stay with your wife otherwise you’ll lose hr for ever trust me.