I know that there was something wrong.. but I still can’t explain this and I don’t know what this thing was. It happened 2 months ago, I have lost my baby, and still I can’t be relaxed about my situation. Even if my doctor explained to me everything that happened and why this happened I started to think about my entire pregnancy and I remembered so many things that went wrong. 2 months ago when I lost my baby my doctor told me that it was a placental abruption and even if I asked to explain the reason this happened to me, and even if he thought that he explained it, I didn’t understood anything, because I’m truly sure that he doesn’t know what happened to me. Before this I have had many other strange things and I was scared all my entire pregnancy… I felt that something is going to happen to me. The first thing that happened to me was bleeding and when this started I went to my doctor- but he assured me that actually everything it’s okay and that I have to be relaxed about this thing, this was very strange to me because I know that actually this is a bad thing, but I thought that he is a doctor and he knows better and that I should do whatever he tells me to do. The second thing that happened to me was the placenta previa- don’t know what’s this, but that is what they told me I have, I found out about this because I was complaining about several pain and I was scared that there was something wrong with my baby. One week after I was diagnosed with this placenta previa they examined me again and they told me that I don’t have this thing anymore.. This was the second strange thing. I was thinking how this could happen to me? I still continued to have several pains, but my doctor explained that this happens to me because my body is changing and my baby is growing… turns out it’s not like that.
after one month when I suddenly started to feel better and when I started to forget about all the things that happened to me, I decided to examine again and to see how my baby is doing. Okay, they told me that they found a strange hematoma out there and that they don’t know what it could be. I started to be scared and didn’t know what to do; they asked me to wait and to see if this is going have some progression or if this is going disappear (I suppose by itself..?). This was the worst part of my life, waiting to see what will happen and this is so bad, so strange and scares you so much. My situation was becoming critical, and the same as my previous conditions the hematoma miraculously disappeared. I started to feel better and during 3 4 weeks I started to think that maybe everything is going to be okay, but.. one day I stated to feel very bad, pain and bleeding and strange sensations down there, I was scared I called the assistance and asked for help. When they arrived they told me that there is nothing to do and that I have lost my baby.
I can’t explain what I felt.. I still can’t think about that day without crying or at least without feeling guilty that I wasn’t able to help my baby, I still feel so uncomfortable and I still can’t believe that I’m not pregnant anymore. I have had an abortion.. They removed my baby… a thing that I hope never will happen to anybody. I feel myself guilty but I also think that my doctor have a big influence to this problem. There were so many things that happened to me during the pregnancy and my doctor always told me that I’m okay… I can’t turn back my baby and I’m scared that this will happened to me again the next time. Maybe there is something wrong with me? I don’t want to have another baby if he is going pass through the same thing.. what should I do?
